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Old 12-15-2010, 08:10 PM   #1
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Default DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
DL and I have noticed some rather "interesting" threads as of late, and we've decided you all need our help. So we made you a dating guide, the fool proof way to get yourself a guy or gal. Enjoy! (and don't sue us.)


The Dating Guide For GIRLS
Spoiler:

Rule number 1: Don't be fat

This rule is self explanatory.

Rule number 2: Emphasize your assets

If you have nice body show it. Not too slutty just enough to get a few looks. But if your face looks pretty manly go up another level in sluttiness

Rule number 3: Don't be a tease

If you gonna put out then do it. But if you are gonna just tease him stop. That leads to nowhere good only blue balls and rape.

Rule number 4: Don't Talk unless spoken to

He doesn't want to hear about how your pets sometimes do people things, so if you're not answering a question or putting something in your mouth, just keep it shut.

Rule Number 5: Stop having ideas.

Enough said.

Rule Number 6: LEARN TO COOK!!!

There's a reason marriage worked in the 1950s.



The Dating Guide For GUYS

Spoiler:

RULE NUMBER 1: LIE
Lie often about anything and everything.
This is the first and most important rule a guy can learn about dating. There a many types of lies, all of which are appropriate.
List of lies:
"Never her tell what's really on your mind lie"- You know when she looks at you all doe eyed and says, "what are you thinking about?" Lie. Instead of saying "If I wanted you to know I'd say it out loud." say "I'm thinking about how much I love you."
"Complimentary Lie" telling her she looks pretty even when she looks like an orge.
"I Totally Want to be Here Lie" You LOVE shopping, you LIVE for watching her try on overpriced brand named merchandise, and you CAN'T WAIT to have dinner with her parents.


RULE NUMBER 2: BUY HER THINGS
Yes buy her things. Chicks love that.


However there is a clause to this rule, NEVER, and I mean NEVER, buy her anything that can physically die. No plants, no puppies, no kittens, cellphones are still on the fence.


RULE NUMBER 3: GET A JOB
In order to fallow rule two you'll probably need a job. Even if you're a trustfund baby you should get a job, and not just any job, but a job that involves saving lives.


Example: Where you in the army? Instant hot points. Are you a fireman? Instant Hot points. Are you a Dr? Instant hot points.


If you have a job that doesn't involve saving lives, revert back to rule number one; find a nice way of wording your crappy job so that it SOUNDS like you save lives.


RULE NUMBER 4: HIDE YOUR CELL
Never let her use your cell, EVER.

Girls are nosy and don't know when to stay out of your buisness, if you plan on showering, going to the bathroom, or doing anothing that involves privacy you take your phone with you or SHE WILL go through your txts and flip the eff out.

RULE NUMBER 5: PICK ONE WITH ZERO CONFIDENCE
The lower her self esteem, the better.

If she thinks she can do better, she will.

RULE NUMBER 6: DON'T CRY!
Even if your mother died, suck it up.

Girls cry, not manly men men! Suck it up man. Stop being such a wussy.


We will be updating as our research progresses
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Last edited by Kunoichi; 12-15-2010 at 08:37 PM.
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:14 PM   #2
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
The guy section is completely and utterly wrong... No soup for you
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:15 PM   #3
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
DL thinks we should take out all the rules after Number one under the guys guide. I think he has a point.
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:25 PM   #4
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Girl section is...~shakes head at the failure~
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:30 PM   #5
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
lol....what the- *Facepalm* lol
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Old 12-15-2010, 08:39 PM   #6
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
For guys

I wouldn't say is necessary..More like understanding what the question is and answering it in a well thought out way. Obviously there are two ways you an answer, the direct way (which can and will get you into trouble), or give the same answer in a more toned down and methodical way.

Gifts are a great thing, but don't just get stuff to get it. It's really not that hard to figure out what she likes, and what she doesn't typically you'll sort that out within a week. If you want to play that to your advantage keep track of it somewhere. While relatively expensive stuff is good around holidays/special days, keep in mind the inexpensive stuff with high intrinsic value (score ya extra points constantly)

Rule 3 is pretty good as stands. you're the guy, be a gentlemen, pick up the tab for dinner, the movie, the date w/e. Dating's relatively expensive, and even though it's old school thinking, it makes an impact on that person.

I wouldnt say you need to HIDE the cell, in the beginning, I'd bet she will expect other girls numbers to be there, thats just a fact of life, now if you are getting calls from other girls, or doing stuff you arn't supposed to, chances are you'll get caught..why? karma's has no mercy.

You can pick a girl with 0 confidence, chances are it wont last all that long and be a very clingy one sided relationship (been there done that, she stole the t-shirt). Instead of worrying about her confidence, YOU need the confidence. If YOU carry YOURSELF with a ton of confidence, that's all it takes. It's actually amazing the difference you will notice in how people look at you.

well, my thoughts
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:01 PM   #7
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
I'm just gonna stick to a facepalm XD
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:04 PM   #8
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
This whole list is completely and utterly ridiculous. However given the fact that I am pretty sure...at least I hope this was supposed to be a funny...I will not say no more. AND back to the Weather we go...
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:08 PM   #9
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
The girls section is so WIN!!!!!
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:09 PM   #10
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Obviously you are a little boy who wishes to become a man....UNFORTUANTLY with that small of idealist ways of think you shall never become one....END OF STORY...and I am off the forums...not in the mood to be here
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:17 PM   #11
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Quote:
Originally Posted by AgentShayd View Post
Obviously you are a little boy who wishes to become a man....UNFORTUANTLY with that small of idealist ways of think you shall never become one....END OF STORY...and I am off the forums...not in the mood to be here
hey... rule number 4 missy.

Spoiler:


I'm sorry you mad it too easy
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:43 PM   #12
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Beh I am over it...actually I came to apologize since I had a rough day I didn't mean to be such a meanie...all though I still disagree with it...^^
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:44 PM   #13
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Last Rule: Never argue with an angry woman, and learn to duck and cover
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:52 PM   #14
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
hmmm Silent...I like that one...^^
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Old 12-15-2010, 09:52 PM   #15
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
This is a joke, right?
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Old 12-15-2010, 10:02 PM   #16
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
That girls section, needs work. First rule for example, makes it sound like if your not rail thin you'll never get a guy no matter how hard you try. A lot of it is attitude, if your confident and have self esteen, people are attracted to that. Physical attributes contribute but are not a major component. Stop having ideas, this a free country. People are allowed to have opinions and voice them. This makes it sound like we're stupid! When people hide their true selves in dating, they're only fooling themselves and the other person. Hence the reason for the high divorce rate in this country. People in some cases feel like they never knew their partner because they were deceived from the very beginning, as such, they don't know who their partner truly is like. A gap forms, theres a breakup and in some cases, divorce!! 'No cookies for you.
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Old 12-16-2010, 04:36 AM   #17
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Nope we were totaly serious. xD
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Old 12-16-2010, 05:01 AM   #18
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kunoichi View Post
The Dating Guide For GUYS

Spoiler:
RULE NUMBER 4: HIDE YOUR CELLNever let her use your cell, EVER.

Girls are nosy and don't know when to stay out of your buisness, if you plan on showering, going to the bathroom, or doing anothing that involves privacy you take your phone with you or SHE WILL go through your txts and flip the eff out.

You don't have to hide it if you're not doing anything wrong, in fact, if she sees you constantly hiding your cell from her, she will likely be more suspicious that you're up to something xD

RULE NUMBER 6: DON'T CRY!
Even if your mother died, suck it up.

Girls cry, not manly men men! Suck it up man. Stop being such a wussy.

From what alot of girls have told me, they like it if their guy shows some emotion, it shows that they're sensitive and have feelings. (Not saying that they dissolve into tears over everything, but bottling up pain and hurt doesn't lead anywhere good, only to emotional explosions and sometimes violence.)
There was more I could write but I'm too lazy >.>
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Old 12-17-2010, 05:58 PM   #19
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
Hey you guys don't knock our hardwork. We wrote this for your benefits so ungrateful.
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Old 12-17-2010, 06:02 PM   #20
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Default Re: DL and Kuno's Guide to a Happy Dating Life
And this is why DL has time to make 20+ alts.
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