My World,My way!

[Hinata~]

This is a Fanfic I've been working on with my friends over summer vatation.This is my first one and i'm gonna put alot of effort into it!

Charaters:

Spoiler:

Queen Ayaka Takahashi- 43-Mother of 3 children and is Queen of the small City in Charani,Kyoto. Had birth to the daughters and son around her early 30's.Widowed,father died when the girls were young

Kimiko Nakamura- 11- Younger Child of Queen Ayaka. Her personality is very cheerful,child-like,and shes hyper-active.Kazumi is very head strong and chases after her dreams.Someday she wishes to become an adventurer like her Oni-san

Kazumi Nakamura-14-Kimiko's older sister. Her personality is very unlike Kimiko's.Shes more mature,easy- natured, grown-up, and responsible,ans unlike Kimiko, she really handles things better

Katsutoshi Nakamura-17- Oldest of Kazumi and Kimiko, He is an adventurer,just like His dad.His Personality is a very quiet one.Doesn't talk unless spoken to,always helps people goes whereever the leaves takes him


Kyo Nakamura-Deceased-49- Died of taking his part in being an adventurer.Personality-cool,calm easy going,can worry sometimes,loved Renju(japanese board game) His death is unknown by Kimiko and only a little by Kazumi

Himeno-A girl that owns The Ume Oha Shop

Nodoka Minamotia- Kazumi and Kimiko's sensei

Megumi Toyoguchi- Kimiko and Kazumi's Adventurer teacher.

Aya Nishino-Katsutoshi's Adventurer teacher

Haruhi Kurokawa-Katsutoshi's sensei

Yuki Fujiin- One of Kimiko's classmates

Toujou Utau-one of kimiko's classmates

Mikaru Lee- Kimiko's P.E teacher

Mikeru Lee- Kimiko's club teacher

Place/Settings:

Spoiler:

Charani FanasY,Kyoto-Is a Place where the Royal Nakamura Family lives.Kyo Has been the most loyal adventurer to the tiny city so therefore The Nakumura Has been given title "Rulers Of The Land" This city has a tradition of nominating a new "Ruler of the land" every 10 years or the Oueen Passes down the seat to her babies.
Kikokushijo Academy-The school Kimiko and Kazumi goes to.
Axis Kichijoji High-The schoolKatsutoshi goes to

About:

Spoiler:

Kimiko was very small when her father died. Her mother promised her that she would tell Kimiko when she got a bit older.When Kimiko did get older her mother didn't tell her.All Kimiko knew was that her Father was an adventurer.So Kimiko decided that she would be an adventurer.But Kimiko didn't know how to be an adnenturer because she was a spoiled child and everything was handed to her if she asked.And if she asked and that person said no..She'll pout and eventually they'll give in.Or Kimiko always said "My world my way" because she thought by her mother ruling the land that this was her world and everything had to go her way.This spoiled additude made Kimiko draw farther away from everyone and she had to go to Home school.Locked up in her room all day being tutored my her sensei she called "Castle-worker-sempai".Kazumi didn't have that same additude as Kimiko and instead of being an adventurer Kazumi just fills the role of a princess for the both of then seeing Kimiko has no interest in it.Kazumi goes to regular school unlike Kimiko.People often call Kazumi Harmonious beauty (considering thats what her name is in English).They call Kimiko The girl without equal.Katsutoshi hasn't been home in 2 years because he's an adventurer.When he was home He went to public school like Kazumi.He often told Kimiko that he would tell her about their fathers death when she got older.He doesn't think Kimiko's old enough so he's making her wait.

Chapter 1: Lets get going!

Spoiler:

"Kimiko! Are you up yet sweetie?"yelled Ayaka from downstairs."No mom Kimiko forgot that starting today she was going to PUBLIC SCHOOL", screamed Kazumi from upstairs. "Errrrrr",says Kimiko rising slowly from her bed."Get the heck up or else im leaving you", Kazumi yelled at Kimiko. "Whaa? Leaving me for......AHHHHHH! WHAT TIME IS IT KAZUMI IM GONNA BE LATE!!!",yelled Kimiko!"REALLY?", Kazumi said sarcastically.Kimiko is 11 years old. She always lived and stayed in the castle because of her unruly additude. But today, Kimiko is going to Public school for the first time. Obviously...shes late. "Kazumi help me!", yells Kimiko. "STOP SCREECHING!",yells Kazumi. Kazumi is Kimiko's older sister and she is very classy and well natured.....unlike Kimiko."YOU STOP SCREECHING AT ME PANDA FACE!",yelled Kimiko. "You know what? Do your own hair!", yells Kazumi! "You do your own hair", Kimiko copied.Kimiko somehow manages to do her hair and runs downstairs. Out of breath Kimiko says," Mom how does my hair look?" Her mom looks up and drops the newspaper. Barely maintaining her laugh she says " Kimiko honey.....you look fine." "Great, Kimiko says as she takes a waffle. "Well starting today mom you call me Kimiko,The adventurer! Im off". "Wait for me BAKA!",says Kazumi as she runs down stairs."Mom Im off" says Kazumi. "Okay honey.", says Ayaka. Children what would I do without those two?,thinks Ayaka.Meanwhile Kazumi is trying to catch up to Kimiko. "KIMIKO Matio!"says Kazumi. "What!?",Kimiko says with waffle in her mouth."Nevermind.", Kazumi says. "Just that your hair looks like a octopus and the ponytails are lop-sided" Kazumi thinks to herself."Kikokushijo Academy huh, says Kimiko looking up to the sky as she twirls around facing Kazumi.Lets do our best Okay Kazumi!" "Yeah.", says Kazumi."Gambatio....Kimiko." thinks Kazumi.

[Kiko-kun]

Try to make your chapters more longer, then it will be more of a chapter, try and keep the story going without staying in one spot to long, for example Chapter one, when Kimiko was arguing with her older sister, you could of made it a faster argument. Try and keep your characters additude aditioned with there actions and how they talk to people, like Kazumi didn't seem mature ,easy- natured, grown-up, and responsible. Also, when using " [Name, yelled" Try and make it visual to the reader, like " Kimiko yelled out to her sister down below as she tried to cover her head with a pillow.
When you go to a new person talking, go to the next line, it makes you look more organized.
Don't quote a person straight after another, it confuses the reader.

Other wise, the story is good so far, try more information like my earlier typing.
If you need help look at other peoples stories and see how long it should be ect.

[Kuroda Taishi]

Sometimes you forget to put a space in after a period

[Hinata~]

Chapter 2: Shitsurei shimasu!

Spoiler:

Kimiko and Kazumi manage to make it to school,but not on time though.Kimiko gets to her new class room and stops. Class 1-B huh? I hope everyone likes me,thinks Kimiko.As she walks in to the class she doesn't notice that everyone was singing Kimigayo.♫Kimigayo wa chiyo ni yachiyo ni sazare-ishi no iwao-- "SHITSUREI SHIMASU.", says Kimiko. Everyone in the classroom stopped singing and look at Kimiko. Some giggled and gossiped others just stared dead at her, as if she had BAKA written on her forehead."Ummmm, Kimiko started. Im the--" The teacher cut Kimiko off "You must be the new student! Ohayo,Im Nodoka Minamotia, Minamotia-sensei." "Minamotia-sensei?.", said Kimiko. "Yes and welcome to class 1-B! But lesson one: If you're late...please stay outside until we finish Kimigayo.",said Minamotia-sensei. "Oh,umm Summimasen. I didn't realize--" Minamotia sensei cut her off again. "Its okay now you know.Would you like to introduce yourself to the class?",said Minamotia-sensei. "Umm, I-Im Kimiko Nakamura, Daughter of Ayaka Takahashi.",said Kimiko The class looked at Kimiko suspiciously. "Hontoni? For a daughter of the Ruler of the land you sure don't look too bright.",said one girl from the front of class.Please don't tell me you're next to take care of this small city who knows what kinda trouble we'll be in with a BAKA who doesn't even know the lyrics to Kimigayo!" "I do to know the lyrics to the Athem!", said Kimiko. "Oh really, said the girl, Lets hear em!" "Ummm", Kimiko stumbled over her words. I never had to sing Kimigayo I was home-schooled for half of my life.Thought Kimiko. "Enough out of you Miss Toujou!,innerupted Minamotia-sensei. Nakamura take a seat next to Yuki Fujiin." Kimiko looked confused at Minamotia-sensei. "Fujiin-kun raise your hand.",said Minamotia-sensei.Fujiin-kun raised his hand and Kimiko blushed. So kawaii!Thought Kimiko.As Kimiko walked to her seat Toujou-chan stuck her foot out. And as casual Kimiko is, She tripped. "Ow ow ow", Kimiko said. With the whole class laughing at Kimiko, Fujiin-kun got up and gave Kimiko his hand. "Dai jyou Bu?" said Fujiin-kun. Now that you're here yesssss. Thought Kimiko.
"Hai, im okay." Kimiko said as she stood up dusting her dress off.Kimiko realized she was still holding onto Fujjin-kun's hand and she let go so fast she plucked herself.Kimiko hurried and sat down. I am so reckless ya know. Thought Kimiko."Lets get back to class shall we?", said Minamotia-sensei.When Kimiko was trying to pay attention to Minamotia-sensei she kept thinking of Fujiin-kun.Kimiko turned red out of nowhere."Nakamura,said Minamotia-sensei,Child are you okay? You're red-looking." The class turned to Kimiko. "Ummm, Hai im just fine.", said Kimiko. "Okay back to class children.", said Minamotia-sensei.All of the sudden a bell rang and Kimiko jumped. "P.E time, class dismissed." said Minamotia-sensei. Kimiko settled down and followed the class down the stairs.Worst day ever. Thought kimiko.

Author's note: Where I live Kimigayo is what we sing in the morning at school. I googled it and its something like "Pledge of Allgiance" in the U.S


Chapter 3: Physical Education

Spoiler:

"And who might this new face be?", says a woman wearing buruma shorts. "Nakamura,Kimiko Nakamura.",says Kimiko.
"Do you have a sister by the name of Kazumi Nakamura?", says the buruma wearing woman."Hai, my older sister.",says Kimiko. "She is excellent at sports!Anyways im Mikaru Lee. Lee-sensei, and heres your P.E outfit.",says Lee-sensei.Kimiko looks at her white shirt with blue stripes and blue burumas. "No way.",says Kimiko. "Nani?",says Lee-sensei. "NOOOO WAYYYY!" yells Kimiko as she runs back into the school. "Is that hontoni Nakamura's little sister?",Lee-sensei says under her breath.
Kimiko runs into the girl's bathroom and looks at her P.E outfit. "No way! Just look at these things! And she expects me to run in these?Has she ever heard of the word mega-wedgie? Wait why am I talking to myself in a bathroom? Lets go tell Lee-sensei what I think of these....things!",says Kimiko. She runs outside to the courtyard. "Nakamura-chan why aren't you in your gym uniform?" Lee-sensei asked "You seriously expect me to put these things on..and RUN in them!", Kimiko says to Lee-sensei. "The other girls don't seem to mind them.",says Lee-sensei. "Really I have to put them on?",asked Kimiko. "Put them on or,get a failing grade for P.E.",Lee-sensei said. No choice huh? thinks Kimiko.
"Alright. I'll put these things on.",Kimiko said while sighing. Kimiko put the burumas on and her shirt. She marched outside and noticed that Lee-sensei was staring at her. "Hai?",said Kimiko. "Well usually girls would wear ponytails to P.E.",Lee-sensei said. "Lee-sensei, these are ponytails.",said Kimiko. Eight lop-sided ponytails though.Kimiko it looks like you let a toddler do your hair. Thinks Lee-sensei. "Go run Nakamura!",Lee-sensei ordered. "Haii!", Kimiko answered.
Kimiko started to run and she saw Toujou from this morning. As Kimiko passed Toujou up she Looked at her. "BAAAAKKKAAA!", whispered Kimiko.
"I'll show you!",Whispered Toujou. Kimiko and Toujou were running very fast like it was a Track and Field event. Too bad it wasn't They're wasting energy for nothing. "Lee-sensei, who won?", Toujou said out of breath. "Yeah, who won Sensei?",Kimiko said. "Im happy you two have alot of energy and enthusiasm, but it wasn't a race so no one won."Lee-sensei said. "WHAAAA!?", both of the girls said. "Sorry girls.", said Lee-sensei.
Both of the girls fell out because they were so tired. How very cute! Dumb..but cute. Thought Lee-sensei.

burumas
Truely think they're disgusting


Chapter 4: Don't forget your clothes,Kimiko:

Spoiler:

P.E is such a tiring job and im hungry and hot and sweaty and all these people changing in the same room and--Kimiko lost her train of thought because Toujou was looking at her. "You look so stupid and whats up with your underwear?", teased Toujou. "For your information its Kummangro The Bunny got a problem with him being on my underwear?",asked Kimiko. "Not my fault your underwear is childish.My three year old sister wears stuff like that!",teased Toujou. Everybody laughed and Kimiko was embarrassed. "Just leave me alone.", said Kimiko in a low voice. "Nani? Can't hear you Nakamura!",Toujou teased some more. "Just....JUST LEAVE ME ALONE!",yelled Kimiko as she stormed out of the girls locker room. "N-n-n-n-NANI!?!?!?!", Toujou yelled!Kimiko came back to the girls locker room and looked at everybody.They stared at Kimiko as if she was really stupid. ".......Forgot my clothes.",Kimiko said.Kimiko put on her uniform and left as fast as she could.When she left everybody in the locker room burst out into laughter.You should tie me up to a tree and say ready,aim,fire! thought Kimiko. "Its time for me to go back to homeroom.",said Kimiko to her self. Kimiko makes it back to class and sits in her seat. Re tuka! Im tired from running in P.E.--Kimiko wonders about something. She turns around facing Fujjin-kun sitting behind her. "Ne-ne Fujiin-kun, what does P.E stand for?",asked Kimiko.
Fujiin-kun looked at Kimiko for a while. "You really don't know.",Fujiin-kun asked. "Well, DUH why else would I've asked you!", exclaimed Kimiko. "To make a conversation with me.",Fujinn-kun teased. Kimiko blushed."Look are you going to tell me or not!", said Kimiko.
"He he P.E stands for Physical Education.", Fujiin-kun said very slow-like to Kimiko. "Don't talk to your almost Queen of this tiny city like that!",yelled Kimiko. "Summimasen your Almost royalty-ness.", Fujiin-kun joked.
"It is okay my loyal commenor." Does she like to role-play? thinks Fuiijn-kun. "Oh yeah, Kimiko, I heard what happened from Toujou-san.",said Fuiijn-kun. "Nani?", said Kimiko. "Next time...Nakamura, Don't forget your clothes.",said Fuiijn-kun Kimiko started to turn red from her chin on up. "Touuujouuuu! Toujou you are so gonna be roadkill when I get done with you",exclaimed Kimiko. "Who are you talking to Nakamura?", asked Minamotia-sensei. "M-M-Minamotia-sensei!",exclaimed Kimiko."If you're done sharing your thoughts with the class, can we focus now?", asked Minamotia-sensei.The whole class laughed. "Hai, Sensei".,said Kimiko. He he Sensei you're on my hit-list now along with the wicked witch Toujou. Hehehe hehehe HEHEHEHEHE! Thought Kimiko as she was writing violently with her pencil about how to take out Toujou while making an evil face. "Hehehehe hehehehe HEHEHEHEHE!", exclaimed Toujou while standing on her desk. The class looked at Kimiko very stupid-like. "Nakamura....get down.", said Minamotia sensei without even facing Kimiko's way. Kimiko thought that was creepy and answered fastly "HAI".