The Village Hidden in the Dreams

Nick Tasogare · 05-02-2010, 04:36 PM

Ok, this is a fanfic I've been working on for a few days. This is what I have so far, and I hope you like it

I'll try and post in it regularly. I know it isn't that good, but please don't bash me for it. I'm just out of shape, I guess.

A dark, sinister forest took root before Genkaku Mayakashi. As he stood at the edge of the forest, others stood away, gaping at the boy as he seemingly stared the forest down. Most were frightened by it, but not Genkaku. He felt welcomed by it, as if it were calling to him, inviting him in. As others watched from afar, he started to walk towards it, breaking through the natural barrier of thick brush and rough tree bark, piercing into the darkness of the forest. As he disappeared from the sight of those outside, the bystanders quickly ran away out of fear of hearing his horrendous screams, and blood curdling cries. This was the start of Genkaku's journey into the Forest of Nightmares.

It wasn't as dark as he'd imagined it. Maybe that was because as he entered, the tall trees spread apart, allowing some of the warm sunlight to break into the forest. Or maybe all of the stories he had been told as a child had just been over exaggerated. Either way, it allowed him to see all of the creatures that inhabited the large forest. They weren't outrageous beasts that would kill you as soon as look at you, but they also weren’t your common snakes and monkeys. They had adapted to the forest, changed in ways that would allow them to survive in the dark place, in the same way that deep sea fish had changed to be able to survive in the cold, lightless parts of the ocean.

Some had grown appendages that were able to light up in the darkness; some had become able to use the sounds of the forest to find their way around. Others had grown the ability to 'feel' the earth, and use it to detect where other creatures were. It was shocking, but at the same time, amazing. He couldn't believe that he was possibly, and probably, the first person to ever see these magnificent creatures. What was more, he was probably the only person these creatures had ever seen, yet they didn't fear him, they didn't attack him. They merely went on with their lives as they probably always did each and everyday. After taking in his fill of the creatures, he remembered that he had gone into the forest for a reason, and continued on his journey to the center of the forest.

Walking through the strange forest, he saw many more interesting creatures, some more frightening then others he had seen, but he retained his calmness. He meant them no harm, and he could somehow feel that they meant him no harm. He wasn't sure how, but he knew that they didn't want to hurt him. Growing tired after what seemed like hours of walking, climbing, and trudging through the forest, he decided to take a break, and rested his tired body against a tall, old tree. "I hope I didn't do this for nothing. That dream better have been more than a dream." He said to himself, sighing as he closed his eyes, and drifted off into a deep slumber like the one he had had so many nights ago.

As he slept, the dream came to him once again. It was the same dream that had made him feel called to the forest, the same one that he knew was more than a dream. It showed him more than just mere images, it showed him the true nature of the forest, it showed him that it wasn't just some entity born from the evils of the world like everyone thought. It was just different, and he could relate with it. From the time he was a child, he was always different from the other kids his age. He was always smarter and usually kept to himself, whereas other kids didn't care about being smart, and always had their own little groups that they stuck with. It made him feel like an outcast, but in that, he found his dreams, and here in the forest, he was living them out.

He soon awoke, and looked up at the dark night sky. Through the trees he could see that the sun had set, and that the moon had risen in it’s place. "Great, I slept all that good traveling time away." He said to himself, as he stood up, and brushed himself off. He looked around, and determined that the middle of the forest would most likely be easier to reach if he just walked forward in the same direction he had been walking the whole time. What he didn't realize, however, was that the forest was testing him, using it's illusions to trick and confuse him. He didn't know it, but as he walked in what seemed to be the same way that he had been going, he was actually returning the way he had come, back to the edge of the forest, back to the beginning. As he walked, a dark crow flew over his head in the opposite direction.

The Demon Zabuza · 05-02-2010, 04:52 PM

Tiem to be mean.

While I like the direction the stories plot is taking, I don't really like the writing. It seems to me that you're using fairly consistent sentence structure, and your adjectives are fairly simple. The end also felt like it should have been a cliffhanger, but really wasn't; the worst thing about walking back the way he came is that.... well, he'll walk back out again. Not very suspenseful.

Maikeru D. Shinigami · 05-02-2010, 04:57 PM

I don't like the text color. The story is also lacking as there is nothing about me in it.

Nick Tasogare · 05-08-2010, 02:39 PM

"Something isn't right." He mused to himself after walking for some time, as he looked around, keeping an eye on even the smallest of details. The first thing that he noticed was that he was encountering the creatures he had seen earlier on in his journey. The more 'normal' creatures, if they could even be described as normal. Genkaku decided to sit down, and close his eyes, opening his mind to the forest. After what seemed to last for hours, he opened his eyes again, to see that the sun in the sky had barely begun to rise. Standing up, he realized his mistake; he had fallen asleep, and lost his 'place' in the forest.

In the tales he had heard as a child, he had been told of the forests trickery, and of it's guile. As it turned out, it wasn't just simple personification to scare small children into staying away from the forest. The forest was actually a very tricky and deceitful entity, who loved to trick people, and trap them within itself. Genkaku surmised that he had been caught in one of it's tricks, and that he would need to think his next move out very carefully. He looked around, for anything that he recognized from earlier, not seeing anything that he thought could help him. "Remember, this isn't going to be easy. Look for the less obvious things." He said to himself, as he began to focus on the forest, once again, 'feeling' it out, instead of relying on his main five senses.

It took him awhile, but he soon caught one small thing that he knew he was stupid to have missed until now: In the beginning, as he had been moving towards the middle of the forest, it became warmer, but at the moment, he felt the forest becoming cooler as he walked, like it had been when he first entered. "How the hell did I manage to go back the way I came? It doesn't make any sense." He said to himself. "Then again, look at where I am. I shouldn't have been so stupid." He said, somewhat angrily, as he turned around to face what he thought was the correct direction, and began to travel back into the middle of the forest.

Maikeru D. Shinigami · 05-08-2010, 03:17 PM

I am disappoint.

Nick Tasogare · 05-08-2010, 03:57 PM

I am uncare.

cherryflower · 05-08-2010, 07:42 PM

I am confuse.

Nick Tasogare · 05-08-2010, 09:07 PM

I am wonder why.

Maikeru D. Shinigami · 05-08-2010, 09:11 PM

I am stupid.

Vatanui AKA Pride · 05-08-2010, 09:13 PM

I am very amused at these string of various posts.

Nick Tasogare · 05-08-2010, 09:29 PM

I am bumping so that people pay attention to my story xD

Vatanui AKA Pride · 05-08-2010, 09:31 PM

I just bumped it about fifteen minutes ago....

cherryflower · 05-09-2010, 06:42 AM

Uhmm, you forgot the background. For all I know this guy could be an old man or like a five year old.

Nick Tasogare · 05-09-2010, 06:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by cherryflower

Uhmm, you forgot the background. For all I know this guy could be an old man or like a five year old.

I know. There's a reason for that.

The Demon Zabuza · 05-09-2010, 06:51 AM

You deleted my wonderful re-write!

/rage face

Still no details, and fairly simply language. Try moar.

Nick Tasogare · 05-09-2010, 06:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Demon Zabuza

You deleted my wonderful re-write!

/rage face

Still no details, and fairly simply language. Try moar.

Sorry, it was an accident.

/Woops face

Fairly simply language? Yes, I am using a language to write this.

kakashi uzumaki · 05-09-2010, 06:56 AM

Fighting over a story?

Great story thought, very kreativ.

The Demon Zabuza · 05-09-2010, 06:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by |SR-hyse-Z|

Sorry, it was an accident.

/Woops face

Fairly simply language? Yes, I am using a language to write this.

Quote:

Originally Posted by |SR-hyse-Z|

"Something isn't right." He mused to himself after walking for some time, as he looked around, keeping an eye on even the smallest of details. The first thing that he noticed was that he was encountering the creatures he had seen earlier on in his journey. The more 'normal' creatures, if they could even be described as normal. Genkaku decided to sit down, and close his eyes, opening his mind to the forest. After what seemed to last for hours, he opened his eyes again, to see that the sun in the sky had barely begun to rise. Standing up, he realized his mistake; he had fallen asleep, and lost his 'place' in the forest.

In the tales he had heard as a child, he had been told of the forests trickery, and of it's guile. As it turned out, it wasn't just simple personification to scare small children into staying away from the forest. The forest was actually a very tricky and deceitful entity, who loved to trick people, and trap them within itself. Genkaku surmised that he had been caught in one of it's tricks, and that he would need to think his next move out very carefully. He looked around, for anything that he recognized from earlier, not seeing anything that he thought could help him. "Remember, this isn't going to be easy. Look for the less obvious things." He said to himself, as he began to focus on the forest, once again, 'feeling' it out, instead of relying on his main five senses.

It took him awhile, but he soon caught one small thing that he knew he was stupid to have missed until now: In the beginning, as he had been moving towards the middle of the forest, it became warmer, but at the moment, he felt the forest becoming cooler as he walked, like it had been when he first entered. "How the hell did I manage to go back the way I came? It doesn't make any sense." He said to himself. "Then again, look at where I am. I shouldn't have been so stupid." He said, somewhat angrily, as he turned around to face what he thought was the correct direction, and began to travel back into the middle of the forest.

Because the only word for fooling someone is trick. Four times in half a paragraph.

Nick Tasogare · 05-09-2010, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Demon Zabuza

Because the only word for fooling someone is trick. Four times in half a paragraph.

Last time I checked, trick is still a word. And yes.

cherryflower · 05-09-2010, 08:04 AM

Trix cereal is also a word and it is very good... and im eating it right now...

05-02-2010, 04:36 PM	#1
Nick Tasogare Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Getting at you where you live. Posts: 27,570 Rep Power: 20 Member's Picture Albums	The Village Hidden in the Dreams Ok, this is a fanfic I've been working on for a few days. This is what I have so far, and I hope you like it I'll try and post in it regularly. I know it isn't that good, but please don't bash me for it. I'm just out of shape, I guess. A dark, sinister forest took root before Genkaku Mayakashi. As he stood at the edge of the forest, others stood away, gaping at the boy as he seemingly stared the forest down. Most were frightened by it, but not Genkaku. He felt welcomed by it, as if it were calling to him, inviting him in. As others watched from afar, he started to walk towards it, breaking through the natural barrier of thick brush and rough tree bark, piercing into the darkness of the forest. As he disappeared from the sight of those outside, the bystanders quickly ran away out of fear of hearing his horrendous screams, and blood curdling cries. This was the start of Genkaku's journey into the Forest of Nightmares. It wasn't as dark as he'd imagined it. Maybe that was because as he entered, the tall trees spread apart, allowing some of the warm sunlight to break into the forest. Or maybe all of the stories he had been told as a child had just been over exaggerated. Either way, it allowed him to see all of the creatures that inhabited the large forest. They weren't outrageous beasts that would kill you as soon as look at you, but they also weren’t your common snakes and monkeys. They had adapted to the forest, changed in ways that would allow them to survive in the dark place, in the same way that deep sea fish had changed to be able to survive in the cold, lightless parts of the ocean. Some had grown appendages that were able to light up in the darkness; some had become able to use the sounds of the forest to find their way around. Others had grown the ability to 'feel' the earth, and use it to detect where other creatures were. It was shocking, but at the same time, amazing. He couldn't believe that he was possibly, and probably, the first person to ever see these magnificent creatures. What was more, he was probably the only person these creatures had ever seen, yet they didn't fear him, they didn't attack him. They merely went on with their lives as they probably always did each and everyday. After taking in his fill of the creatures, he remembered that he had gone into the forest for a reason, and continued on his journey to the center of the forest. Walking through the strange forest, he saw many more interesting creatures, some more frightening then others he had seen, but he retained his calmness. He meant them no harm, and he could somehow feel that they meant him no harm. He wasn't sure how, but he knew that they didn't want to hurt him. Growing tired after what seemed like hours of walking, climbing, and trudging through the forest, he decided to take a break, and rested his tired body against a tall, old tree. "I hope I didn't do this for nothing. That dream better have been more than a dream." He said to himself, sighing as he closed his eyes, and drifted off into a deep slumber like the one he had had so many nights ago. As he slept, the dream came to him once again. It was the same dream that had made him feel called to the forest, the same one that he knew was more than a dream. It showed him more than just mere images, it showed him the true nature of the forest, it showed him that it wasn't just some entity born from the evils of the world like everyone thought. It was just different, and he could relate with it. From the time he was a child, he was always different from the other kids his age. He was always smarter and usually kept to himself, whereas other kids didn't care about being smart, and always had their own little groups that they stuck with. It made him feel like an outcast, but in that, he found his dreams, and here in the forest, he was living them out. He soon awoke, and looked up at the dark night sky. Through the trees he could see that the sun had set, and that the moon had risen in it’s place. "Great, I slept all that good traveling time away." He said to himself, as he stood up, and brushed himself off. He looked around, and determined that the middle of the forest would most likely be easier to reach if he just walked forward in the same direction he had been walking the whole time. What he didn't realize, however, was that the forest was testing him, using it's illusions to trick and confuse him. He didn't know it, but as he walked in what seemed to be the same way that he had been going, he was actually returning the way he had come, back to the edge of the forest, back to the beginning. As he walked, a dark crow flew over his head in the opposite direction. __________________ Was on to check PMs and read about the drama and got hit with the forums rules. Can Herr SRhyse and Frau Muffintop please remove my staff "powers"? ~~The Mod Rules are a joke and everybody knows it lol~~ I don't follow that last rule well enough, and I don't want to endanger the Communist Rule of the People's Republic of NDF. Thanks. /Heil Oh wait, now there's drama so I just have to watch this all blow up. Last edited by Nick Tasogare; 05-08-2010 at 02:40 PM.

05-02-2010, 04:57 PM	#3
Maikeru D. Shinigami The Grand Vizier Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Funhouse Posts: 43,551 Rep Power: 45 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I don't like the text color. The story is also lacking as there is nothing about me in it. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. YouTube:

05-08-2010, 02:39 PM	#4
Nick Tasogare Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Getting at you where you live. Posts: 27,570 Rep Power: 20 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams "Something isn't right." He mused to himself after walking for some time, as he looked around, keeping an eye on even the smallest of details. The first thing that he noticed was that he was encountering the creatures he had seen earlier on in his journey. The more 'normal' creatures, if they could even be described as normal. Genkaku decided to sit down, and close his eyes, opening his mind to the forest. After what seemed to last for hours, he opened his eyes again, to see that the sun in the sky had barely begun to rise. Standing up, he realized his mistake; he had fallen asleep, and lost his 'place' in the forest. In the tales he had heard as a child, he had been told of the forests trickery, and of it's guile. As it turned out, it wasn't just simple personification to scare small children into staying away from the forest. The forest was actually a very tricky and deceitful entity, who loved to trick people, and trap them within itself. Genkaku surmised that he had been caught in one of it's tricks, and that he would need to think his next move out very carefully. He looked around, for anything that he recognized from earlier, not seeing anything that he thought could help him. "Remember, this isn't going to be easy. Look for the less obvious things." He said to himself, as he began to focus on the forest, once again, 'feeling' it out, instead of relying on his main five senses. It took him awhile, but he soon caught one small thing that he knew he was stupid to have missed until now: In the beginning, as he had been moving towards the middle of the forest, it became warmer, but at the moment, he felt the forest becoming cooler as he walked, like it had been when he first entered. "How the hell did I manage to go back the way I came? It doesn't make any sense." He said to himself. "Then again, look at where I am. I shouldn't have been so stupid." He said, somewhat angrily, as he turned around to face what he thought was the correct direction, and began to travel back into the middle of the forest. __________________ Was on to check PMs and read about the drama and got hit with the forums rules. Can Herr SRhyse and Frau Muffintop please remove my staff "powers"? ~~The Mod Rules are a joke and everybody knows it lol~~ I don't follow that last rule well enough, and I don't want to endanger the Communist Rule of the People's Republic of NDF. Thanks. /Heil Oh wait, now there's drama so I just have to watch this all blow up. Last edited by Nick Tasogare; 05-08-2010 at 02:43 PM.

05-08-2010, 03:17 PM	#5
Maikeru D. Shinigami The Grand Vizier Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Funhouse Posts: 43,551 Rep Power: 45 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am disappoint. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. YouTube:

05-08-2010, 03:57 PM	#6
Nick Tasogare Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Getting at you where you live. Posts: 27,570 Rep Power: 20 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am uncare. __________________ Was on to check PMs and read about the drama and got hit with the forums rules. Can Herr SRhyse and Frau Muffintop please remove my staff "powers"? ~~The Mod Rules are a joke and everybody knows it lol~~ I don't follow that last rule well enough, and I don't want to endanger the Communist Rule of the People's Republic of NDF. Thanks. /Heil Oh wait, now there's drama so I just have to watch this all blow up.

05-08-2010, 07:42 PM	#7
cherryflower Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Haveing a blast :D Posts: 5,305 Rep Power: 10	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am confuse. __________________ <33 This is where awesomeness occurs: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. SASUKEXLEE SUPPORTER Saucely

05-08-2010, 09:07 PM	#8
Nick Tasogare Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Getting at you where you live. Posts: 27,570 Rep Power: 20 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am wonder why. __________________ Was on to check PMs and read about the drama and got hit with the forums rules. Can Herr SRhyse and Frau Muffintop please remove my staff "powers"? ~~The Mod Rules are a joke and everybody knows it lol~~ I don't follow that last rule well enough, and I don't want to endanger the Communist Rule of the People's Republic of NDF. Thanks. /Heil Oh wait, now there's drama so I just have to watch this all blow up.

05-08-2010, 09:11 PM	#9
Maikeru D. Shinigami The Grand Vizier Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Funhouse Posts: 43,551 Rep Power: 45 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am stupid. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. YouTube:

05-08-2010, 09:13 PM	#10
Vatanui AKA Pride has a farm... WCA Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat. Posts: 30,702 Rep Power: 19 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am very amused at these string of various posts. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

05-08-2010, 09:29 PM	#11
Nick Tasogare Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Getting at you where you live. Posts: 27,570 Rep Power: 20 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I am bumping so that people pay attention to my story xD __________________ Was on to check PMs and read about the drama and got hit with the forums rules. Can Herr SRhyse and Frau Muffintop please remove my staff "powers"? ~~The Mod Rules are a joke and everybody knows it lol~~ I don't follow that last rule well enough, and I don't want to endanger the Communist Rule of the People's Republic of NDF. Thanks. /Heil Oh wait, now there's drama so I just have to watch this all blow up.

05-08-2010, 09:31 PM	#12
Vatanui AKA Pride has a farm... WCA Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat. Posts: 30,702 Rep Power: 19 Member's Picture Albums	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams I just bumped it about fifteen minutes ago.... __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

05-09-2010, 06:42 AM	#13
cherryflower Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Haveing a blast :D Posts: 5,305 Rep Power: 10	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams Uhmm, you forgot the background. For all I know this guy could be an old man or like a five year old. __________________ <33 This is where awesomeness occurs: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. SASUKEXLEE SUPPORTER Saucely

05-09-2010, 06:56 AM	#17
kakashi uzumaki Prodigy Girl Join Date: May 2009 Location: Elmo's World Posts: 8,256 Rep Power: 12	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams Fighting over a story? Great story thought, very kreativ. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

05-09-2010, 08:04 AM	#20
cherryflower Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Haveing a blast :D Posts: 5,305 Rep Power: 10	Re: The Village Hidden in the Dreams Trix cereal is also a word and it is very good... and im eating it right now... __________________ <33 This is where awesomeness occurs: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. SASUKEXLEE SUPPORTER Saucely

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