Naruto Shippuden

Naruto Discussion Forum
Who should win? Be sure to nominate who will reign supreme for this month's Member of the Month!

Go Back   Naruto Discussion Forum > The Great Off-Topica > Creative Corner

Creative Corner Fanfiction? Check. Fan Art? Check. Anything else you can imagine creating? Check, check, check. Just keep those pesky forum rules in mind!

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 03-02-2010, 07:26 PM   #1
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Disciples of the Void

ATTENTION: This story may contain somewhat strong language and graphic detail relating to fight sequences or violence. Be forewarned. Any complaints may be taken up with me either in this thread or PM.

Hey. What's up? This is my FanFic. It's not really inspired by any one manga, book, movie, TV show, or any other specific source. Most of it is from my own head, while there are bits and pieces here and there that were derived from too many places and people to name.

Now, bear with me for the first few chapters or so. I'm not the best writer in the world, but I'm at least trying. It's going to be a bumpy ride until I get into the swing of things. Until then, just please try to keep in mind that it'll start off slow and speed up as we move along.

Also, I'm not writing this story purely as an action flick. There's going to be a lot of sections that aren't really centered around fighting at all.

Other than that, there's not much else to say. I just ask that you read, tell me what you like/ don't like, what I should change/ keep the same, things you want to see more of/ less of, etc. Any and all criticism is not only accepted but encouraged.

With that said, let's begin, shall we?

Book One: Make a Wish
Book Two: Awakening
Book Three: Introductions
Book Four: Trapped

Book Five: The Pit
__________________
Signature currently offline

Last edited by SageoftheSixPaths; 05-20-2010 at 05:58 PM. Reason: Added links to the chapters! Hooray!
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:27 PM   #2
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Spoiler:

Book One: Make A Wish
It was the same dream he had every night. The light and the dark colliding with each other again and again. Each time one pulled back, the other charged forward, neither ever gaining ground, neither ever making progress. Just continuous, unrestrained war. The only peace lay in the space in between the two forces. Nothingness. Pure, peaceful, chaotic, nothingness. It drew him in like gravity, sucking him towards its center. Just as he was about to become engulfed in the abyss, the light and dark charged forward yet again, crushing him in between their unstoppable assault.

---------------

Eli awoke screaming. His chest heaved up and down as his shirt stuck to his body due to the cold sweat coating his skin. After several more deep breaths, Eli looked down at his hands. They were shaking. Again. He felt his face to make sure it really was there, and not crushed between two inescapable forces.
“Eli! Are you alright?” Ms. Esther ran into the room, her nightgown balled up in her hands with a very concerned look on her face.
“I m fine,” Eli replied shakily.
After several seconds, Ms. Esther spoke again. “Was it the same dream?” Eli nodded his head in response, confirming her suspicions. Ms. Esther sighed and plodded over to Eli s bed. Ms. Esther was a small woman, roughly middle aged. Her hair, normally a giant frizzy ball of wild brown curls, was currently stuffed under a nightcap. Several grays hairs poked out from underneath the cap along with her brunette locks, revealing that Ms. Esther, no matter how fervently she tried to deny it, was aging. Her face may have at one time been a beautiful one to gaze upon, but years of hard work, stress, and a simple case of aging none too gracefully revealed wrinkles and slight age spots here and there. There was no doubt, however, that Ms. Esther was a kind woman. The crows feet around her eyes betrayed her love of laughter and smiling, as well as the joy working at the orphanage had brought to her life.
“Well, you don t have to worry any more. Ms. Esther is here for you, honey.” With those words Ms. Esther pulled Eli s still sweating face towards her and hugged him. Her warmth calmed him slightly, and his breathing began to grow level again. “Besides, today s going to be the day. I just know it.” Eli gazed up at the closest thing he d ever had to a mother and smiled, knowing the words she spoke were just a ruse to keep him from worrying. The sadness hidden behind her wizened brown eyes betrayed the kindness that came out of her mouth.

---------------

“Eli, wake up! They re here!” Eli cracked his eyes open and groaned. He had only gotten an hour or so of sleep since his dream had woken him up. He was still exhausted from the gardening he d done in the orphanage s flower bed the day before. He had been the not-so-lucky boy who had been designated to lug the stones that lined the garden back and forth for hours, a fact that his blistered hands, aching back, and cracking joints reminded him of. Despite this, Eli rolled out of bed and plopped his feet onto the cold wooden floorboards of his bedroom.
Eli s room was nothing special. In fact, it was FAR from special. In one corner there was his simple four poster bed that he had just gotten out of. A desk was propped up against the opposite wall, bare save for a globe and a bronze table lamp. His dresser was right next to the desk, a few books scattered across its surface and a single patched up pant leg hanging out of one of the drawers. A single window was next to his bed, and the gray storm clouds were quickly overtaking the sunlight streaming through the glass. As Eli rose from his bed, he groaned again as his knees popped. After a moment s hesitation, he walked across the room to his dresser and pulled out his good clothes.
These garments consisted of a white button down collared shirt, a pair of jeans, and a dusty pair of brown loafers. Taking off his shirt and shorts to reveal a well muscled, though not overly large, body, Eli quickly slipped into the shirt and jeans. He squeezed his feet into the two sizes too small shoes and combed his hair over with his hands. He then walked over to the mirror that hung on the wall next to his bed.
Eli was tall for his age, slightly passing the six foot range. His dark brown hair, though he had tried to make it a little neater, still looked like an unruly mop had been placed on his head. His hair hung at around eye level and was wildly sticking out at different angles. His tanned skin was somewhat distinguishable from under the mess of brown locks, and his strange gray eyes were able to be glimpsed slightly if one were to look closely. His features were handsome, though far from perfect. A single long scar ranged from just above his right eye to the edge of his jaw on the same side, a reminder of a particularly painful run in with a neighborhood dog.
Dusting off his clothes and taking a last look at himself in the mirror, Eli again tried to comb his hair over with his hand. When it failed yet again, he simply shrugged and walked over to the bathroom across the hall. He quickly brushed his teeth and washed his face, then hurried out the door and down the hall. He quickly scurried down the three flights of stairs that separated his room from the main lobby of the orphanage. His footsteps made creaking noises on the old wooden staircase as he descended, making it sound as though a mouse were squeaking with every one of Eli s steps. Within seconds he had reached the bottom of the staircase, making sure to put a smile on his face right before he hit the last one. His bright white teeth shone as he strolled into the middle of the group of adults scattered before him. Dozens of other small children were strewn about the lobby as well, playing tag and roughhousing around. Eli, however, was by far the largest and oldest of them. The odd looks he got from a few of the potential parents were nothing new to him. He had been there long enough to brush such glances aside. As usual, Eli walked over to Ms. Esther and stood next to her, his tall frame parallel by her diminutive stature. Smiling at him, she motioned for him to sit down in the large armchair behind her. Once he had done so, she called out, “Everyone, silence please.” The low murmur of voices and movement ceased as both the adults and children stopped what they were doing to look at Ms. Esther. Her voice, while full of warmth, held an edge to it that caused people to listen to what she had to say.
“Thank you. First of all, I just want to express my gratitude at all of you for coming here today,” she said to the adults in the crowd. A few smiled at her and nodded, while one or two coughed uncomfortably and shifted where they stood. “As you may or may not know, the Elijah House has been around for nearly a hundred years. Throughout all that time, we have provided a home to orphaned boys and girls of all ages, both young. . .and old.” With this last word, she glanced behind her and gave Eli a wink, causing his smile to grow even wider as he stifled a small laugh with his elbow, pretending to cough into it. All of this was simply a ritual for the two of them. They went through the same thing every time as a sort of joke. Despite the fact that it really wasn t that funny, it helped both of them to forget the fact that there was almost no chance of Eli ever being adopted. Nobody wanted to take home a large teenage boy who looked like he had been to fight club more than school and had those odd, off-putting eyes. They all wanted a sweet little girl or boy who they could raise and nurture. Eli had been at the Elijah House, or as he and Ms. Esther liked to call it, HIS House, since he had been born. He had simply shown up on the House s doorstep one day as a baby, wrapped in a blanket with nobody having an inkling of where he had come from. Ms. Esther, taking in the child and deciding to raise him in the House, decided that he should be named after the building that he was to grow up in. Since then he had spent his years in the House as if he was just as much a part of it as the very floorboards upon which he walked. Throughout the years he had been looked at by over a dozen families, but nobody had wanted to take him, whether it be because of his attitude, his history, or his eyes, people seemed to sense an aura about him that simply said stay away . As such, Eli simply lived in the House his entire life and accepted the fact that he was likely to spend the entirety of his life in such a manner. He had already determined that, once he was old enough, he would ask to be hired as an employee of the Elijah House and assist in handling the youngest children and tend to the landscaping duties.
“Now, I d like everyone to please follow Mr. Eran to the mess hall. We d like to give you a quick tour of our home, so please enjoy. Feel free to ask Mr. Eran any questions you may have about the children, the House, the staff, or anything else.” Mr. Eran, a tall, gangly man, seemed to materialize out of the wall behind a very startled couple. He wore an expensive looking Italian suit and his black hair was slicked back with some sort of grease. His face was dangerously thin, and his pasty complexion only added to his sickly looking state. Anyone who doubted Mr. Eran s ability to keep such a place in line was quickly put at ease the moment he opened his mouth.
“Follow me, please,” his voice boomed throughout the room. Several children who had taken a seat on the floor covered their ears in mock distress, flinching at the sound of his voice and giggling to each other. Eli smiled again as he saw this, but his smile faded somewhat when he glanced over and saw the same couple that had been so startled by Mr. Eran s entrance were also smiling at the children on the floor. The one who Eli presumed was the man s wife gave a slight wave to one little girl in particular. The girl saw this and fervently waved back, giggling and smiling with swinging her teddy bear back and forth along the wood floor.
Another one about to leave, Eli to himself. He knew he shouldn t be upset over the children being adopted. In fact, he was happy for them. At the same time, however, Eli was both saddened and resentful of them. He was sad that he had to continuously see the smaller boys and girls he had grown to attached to leave the House one by one. He was resentful that nobody had ever smiled and waved to him before, or at least not like that lady was doing now. His smile now completely gone, Eli slouched into the armchair and propped his head up on his hand as he watched the still smiling lady and her husband turn and follow Mr. Eran out the door and head to the mess hall. Eli then suddenly jerked his head to the side as he heard a loud WOOSH! Come from beside him. He quickly realized this was simply Ms. Esther sitting down on the chair next to his, he previous energetic attitude now gone. Today she was wearing a bright yellow dress that hung down to her ankles and a pair of casual dress shoes on her feet. Her hair was done up in a bun, but there were still tufts of gray and brown hair sticking out every few inches. She glanced over and smiled at Eli.
“Whew! Glad that parts taken care of. Funny how eve after 32 years here I still get nervous when first addressing the parents.” Eli tried to hide his slide wince at the word parents , and thankfully Ms. Esther didn t notice it. Eli suddenly realized that she must have had as little, if not less, sleep as he did, since she had been up to comfort him after his nightmare and had gotten up earlier than he. Eli was just about to apologize for causing her all that trouble last night when she suddenly perked up in her seat. “Oh dear! I almost forgot! I ve got a little surprise for you, Eli,” she said with a sly smile.
“What? What is it?” Eli asked, suddenly interested.
“Just follow me.” With that, Ms. Esther got out of her seat, a slight groan escaping her lips as she did so. Eli did the same, groaning as well as his knees popped for the second time that morning. The two looked at each other and laughed for a few seconds, and then Ms. Esther began walking towards the kitchen. After a few more chuckles and a bit of walking, they arrived in the large brick walled room. The entire place smelled of chili, as that had been the meal the night before. Slight traces of the eggs from the breakfast Eli had slept through also hung in the air. Ms. Esther continued to walk through the maze of tables, stoves, ovens, and cooking utensils until she reached a small refrigerator in the corner of the room. Eli, suddenly realizing what Ms. Esther was getting, began to grin fiercely.
“You didn t,” he said excitedly.
“Oh, but I did,” Ms. Esther replied with a wink. In one quick motion, she threw open the door and whipped out a large plate with a cake on top. “Happy sixteenth birthday, sweetie.”
Now, normally cake isn t the most exciting thing in a person s life, especially a sixteen year old boy s life. However, Eli had completely forgotten that today marked his sixteenth year since arriving at the orphanage, and the prospect of his favorite food enthralled him. Eli had only had cake twice in his life before; once on his eighth birthday and once when he had a bit of spare change and had been told a new bakery had opened up down the street. The orphanage was not a wealthy one, and personal luxuries were almost completely out of the question. All the staff were paid minimum wage, and nearly all of them donated what wasn t absolutely necessary back to the orphanage anyways. Eli made a bit of money doing odd jobs for people in the neighborhood, but he too gave almost all of it away to pay for renovations to the Elijah House or for the younger children s food. Cake was something Eli almost never had despite the fact that both times he d had it he d loved it. The fact that Ms. Esther had been able to buy the cake, which was an expensive looking one decked out in intricate frostings and patterns, meant that she must have either been putting a bit of money aside for quite some time or had gone without food, heat, and electricity herself for quite a while. Despite the fact that Eli knew the latter of the two was the most likely, he couldn t help but laugh as she walked towards him with the cake, a bright smile on both their faces. He then realized that stuck in the top of the cake were sixteen candles and a message written in icing that said Happy Birthday, Elijah! Ms. Esther quickly trotted over to the nearest cabinet and opened it. After rummaging around for a few seconds, she came out holding a box of matches. Quickly lightning one, she ignited the sixteen candles, one by one. Once she was finished, she began to sing Happy Birthday to Eli. He could do nothing more than smile up at her, trying to convey his thanks through his gray eyes.
After a minute or so of singing and another minute or so of teasing, she leaned in close to his ear and put her hands on his shoulders from behind. “Make a wish, honey.” Eli nodded and closed his eyes, letting the warmth from the candles and Ms. Esther wash over him. He began to think about what he wanted for his birthday. After a few seconds, he finally came to a conclusion.
“I wish that I could stay here forever,” he said to Ms. Esther. “With you, with Mr. Eran, with Mrs. Elisabeth, with the cooks, with the groundskeepers, with the children, with everyone. Just stay here for the rest of my life. This is my home, this is My House, and I wish that that never changed.”
Ms. Esther simply smiled at him, the sadness from last night gone from her eyes as only love and warmth poured out of them. Then she flicked Eli on the forehead and gave a slight chuckle. “Haven t you ever been told to never tell your wish aloud? Otherwise it won t come true. Maybe if you blow out the candles fast enough the wish gods will ignore you breaking their rules and grant you it anyways.” He simply kept on smiling and nodded again. Then he turned towards his cake and looked at the dancing flames of the candles, smelling the odor of the frosting mixing with that of the smoke from the waxy candles. Just as he began to inhale, a voice rang in his head and said, “Your wish is denied.” Just at that very moment when a very confused Eli was about the exhale, an explosion rocked the foundation of the Elijah House.

---------------

Screaming children were running about, crying and scrambling over one another in an attempt to leave the House by the front door. However, the explosion from earlier had quickly been followed by at least a dozen more, each more violent than the last. The booming reverberations seemed to be getting closer and closer to the House, and it appeared to be almost on top of it, whatever it was. Eli s birthday and cake quickly forgotten, Ms. Esther and Eli rushed out of the kitchen and into the lobby. Ms. Esther ran over to a group of sobbing infants and grouped them together, trying to calm them down long enough to get everyone to a safe place. The adults in the building were no better, as they all ran about, trying to gather the coats, jewelry, and car keys they had left in the check in office at the front of the building. Many seemed to be in a state of panic and were hyperventilating. A few were trying to mimic Ms. Esther and calm the children down. Eli rushed to the front door to see if he could open it and find out what was going on. As he got to the large oak door, he realized why nobody had left yet – the large chandelier that hung over the door had been knocked down by the tremors and was blocking the exit. Shards of crystal glass were strewn about the ground, making it impossible to even approach the giant ornament to attempt to budge it.
Realizing that the main door was out of the question, Eli sprinted back towards the kitchen. The back door to the Elijah House was located in the back of the brick room, and Eli was hoping that at least this exit wasn t blocked. He was, however, sorely disappointed. The shockwaves brought on by the explosions had knocked his cake to the floor, and one of the candles had fallen out. Eli watched as that lone candle rolled along the ground, dripping red wax as it went. He watched as it approached the gas stove directly next to it. He watched as another explosion shook the House, causing the gas stove to pitch to the side and the gas valve to wretch itself open. He watched as the candle met with the gas pouring out of the stove. He watched as the resulting explosion blew apart the kitchen, the exit, his cake, and his own self.
Eli was thrown backwards by the explosion and smacked his head against the plaster wall behind him, his left arm coming between his back and the wall with a resounding SNAP. He felt both the burning heat on the front of his body as well as the warm liquid running down the back of his head. He knew he was bleeding, he knew he was badly burned, and he knew that at least one bone in his left arm was broken, and yet the only thing he could think of was finding another exit. He half limped, half sprinted back towards the lobby, quickly glancing around to see if he could find Ms. Esther or any of the other employees. He saw Mr. Eran chasing a few children across the hall, the left side of his face badly swollen and bloodied. He either didn t notice Eli or didn t care. His only job was to get the children to safety. Eli decided that he had best stay out of the way, since in his current condition he would do little more than hinder Mr. Eran. Instead, he continued on towards the mess hall, hoping that at least one of the large windows in the room would be useful for escaping the quickly disintegrating hell hole the Elijah House had once been.
Upon arriving in the rectangular room, Eli had his worst fears not only confirmed but put to shame by the scene of Armageddon unfolding before him. The mess hall was not only destroyed, but obliterated. The wooden tables that once sat side by side in nice columns along the walls were now splinters strewn about the room. The large glass windows were all shattered and collapsed. The support beams from the ceiling had caught fire from the explosion in the neighboring kitchen and were on the verge of collapsing. Whole sections of the roof were missing, large holes blown through them. However, what caught Eli s attention more than anything else in the room was Ms. Esther standing in the middle of it all. Not moving. Not running. Just simply standing there, looking up at the sky out of one of the gaping holes in the roof. The fire was quickly spreading, and Eli was horrified to see Ms. Esther simply standing there. Fearing the worst, he ran as fast as he could over to her and put his good hand on her shoulder. Eli spun Ms. Esther around and shouted, “Are you alri---,” but he never finished his sentence. The look of horror and shock on Ms. Esther s face silenced him immediately. After a second or two of simply staring into her ghastly, horrified face, the sounds of one of the support beams collapsing finally roused Eli from his state of shock. “Ms. Esther, are you alright?!” he screamed. All she did in response was slowly shake her head from side to side, her expression never changing. “What about the children?” Eli again yelled. Ms. Esther just kept shaking her head and lifted a finger to point at a heap of rubble in the corner of the room. Wait, thought Eli. That s not rubble. . .
With a cry of overwhelming despair and terror, Eli realized that the pile was in fact a large group of children and adults coated in dust and debris from the collapsing building. Not a single one of them was moving. Tears began to pour down Eli s face as he gazed upon the lifeless bodies of all the kids he had grown to love and their future parents. Tears still streaming down his features and stinging his burn wounds, he grasped onto Ms. Esther s shoulder tighter than before. “We ve got to get out of here!” he choked out between his tears. Ms. Esther, though, simply kept shaking her head and pointed again, this time at the hole in the ceiling. Something about the look on her face and the manner in which she pointed made Eli stop in his tracks and look at where she was pointing. Shifting his gaze upwards, his eyes met with a scene that should not have been possible.
Through the flames and falling debris, Eli saw two creatures fighting one another in the sky. They both looked human enough, but they were definitely NOT human beings. To begin with, both had wings; large, 15 foot wingspans that caused both humanoid creatures to maintain their flight, as well as buffet one another with massive tornado like gusts of wind. One had white wings that resembled those of a bird sprouting out of its back. The other had huge bat like wings in place of where its arms should be. It was hard to tell through the chaos around him and distance of the beings, but the white winged one looked like a female human, although one with wings growing out of her back. As for the other creature, Eli wouldn t have been able to tell what it was even if it had been closer, as it was a completely grotesque looking reptilian thing.
Just then, another explosion rocked the Elijah House, and this time Eli knew where that explosion came from. The white winged woman formed a ball of what appeared to be light in her hands and threw it at the black winged beast floating near her. The beast retaliated with a blast of pure darkness out of its drooling maw. As the two attacks of light and dark collided, Eli was briefly reminded of his dream. Then he was thrown to his feet as the resulting blast blew apart the majority of the roof and sent shards of wood sailing through Eli s right thigh. He turned just in time to see a large support beam collapse on top of Ms. Esther. As the bar hit the ground, sparks flew up from its flaming mass and Ms. Esther was completely obscured from view. At that point, Eli had nothing left in him. He couldn t even cry out. All he could simply do was lay there, staring at the giant beam that had crushed the person he loved more than anything else in the world. Eli slowly turned his head away from its sideways angle, despite the fact that his neck was now clearly broken from the earlier blast. With the last of his quickly fading strength, Eli lifted his right arm into the sky and pointed a single finger at the two warring abominations in the sky.
He did not feel anger. He did not feel sorrow. He did not feel anything. He simply pointed at them both and croaked out a single word. “Inritus.” The moment the word left his mouth, the sound of some giant fissure opening in the earth was heard for miles. Except it wasn t the earth that was tearing apart. It was the sky. A huge rift was appearing in the air right in between the two sparring entities. The minute they noticed the hole being torn asunder in the very fabric of reality, they both stopped what they were doing in shock of what was unfolding before them. The rift suddenly opened itself, revealing a vortex that sucked in all that was near it. In the confines of this vortex there was Nothing. There was no darkness, there was no light. There was simply Nothing there. An endless, bottomless, all consuming pit into the very depths of the abyss was all that could be seen, and the two winged creatures were quickly swallowed by this starving mouth and wiped out of existence itself.
The image of the two creatures that had destroyed Eli s life being sucked into the vortex took the very last of Eli s energy. He lowered his hand and let it slam into the ash coated ground beside him as the vortex collapsed in on itself and ceased to exist. Faintly, as Eli was blacking out, he heard the creaking and moaning of another support beam giving way. The last thing Eli saw was a flaming 20 foot long beam of flaming wood fall from the ceiling above him and drop towards his fragile form below.
__________________
Signature currently offline

Last edited by SageoftheSixPaths; 05-09-2010 at 01:53 PM.
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:30 PM   #3
Kuroda Taishi
Banned
 
Kuroda Taishi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 12,149
Rep Power: 0
Kuroda Taishi is just chillin' in the village doing D-ranks at this point
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

I suggest putting the story into a spoiler
Kuroda Taishi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:33 PM   #4
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuroda Taishi View Post
I suggest putting the story into a spoiler
Advice taken to heart.
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:35 PM   #5
Kuroda Taishi
Banned
 
Kuroda Taishi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In the Shadows
Posts: 12,149
Rep Power: 0
Kuroda Taishi is just chillin' in the village doing D-ranks at this point
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by SageoftheSixPaths View Post
Advice taken to heart.
Also, give a short summary of the plot in your first post. That way people won't just ignore the whole thing because they really don't want to read that much to find out what it is about.
Kuroda Taishi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 07:38 PM   #6
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Kuroda Taishi View Post
Also, give a short summary of the plot in your first post. That way people won't just ignore the whole thing because they really don't want to read that much to find out what it is about.
The problem with that is I don't want to fully reveal the plot until the later chapters. I can't give an overview of the story without ruining the next few sections right now. Once I'm a few chapters in I'll do it.
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:11 PM   #7
Vatanui AKA Pride
has a farm...
WCA
 
Vatanui AKA Pride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat.
Posts: 30,886
Rep Power: 21
Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Disciples of the Void

A nice story, I've seen that you had taken your time with it clearly.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Vatanui AKA Pride is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:16 PM   #8
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vatanui AKA Pride View Post
A nice story, I've seen that you had taken your time with it clearly.
Thanks. I appreciate that coming from you. Did I ever tell you I finished Vatus?
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:17 PM   #9
Vatanui AKA Pride
has a farm...
WCA
 
Vatanui AKA Pride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat.
Posts: 30,886
Rep Power: 21
Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Disciples of the Void

You did?
Then comment about favorite character[s], fight, arc, etc in my thread.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Vatanui AKA Pride is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:20 PM   #10
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Vatanui AKA Pride View Post
You did?
Then comment about favorite character[s], fight, arc, etc in my thread.
That I can do. Not tonight, though, since I need to go soon. I'll try to do it as soon as I can tomorrow.
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-02-2010, 08:22 PM   #11
Vatanui AKA Pride
has a farm...
WCA
 
Vatanui AKA Pride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat.
Posts: 30,886
Rep Power: 21
Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Thanks; I appreciate it.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Vatanui AKA Pride is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 05:03 PM   #12
Spleen Boy
Special Jonin Candidate
 
Spleen Boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Right behind Stomach Boy. ZING!
Posts: 2,317
Rep Power: 10
Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Dude nice.
Glad to see that you finally decided on posting your story. Will enjoy a good read from you in the future.
Also I can't believe you went invisible. It makes it so much harder to stock you.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Spoiler:
"There are those who strive to live an exciting life. So they leave their normal worlds behind to submerge themselves in a new world.
But it only takes 3 days before that becomes their new normal."

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Spleen Boy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 05:11 PM   #13
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Spleen Boy View Post
Dude nice.
Glad to see that you finally decided on posting your story. Will enjoy a good read from you in the future.
Also I can't believe you went invisible. It makes it so much harder to stock you.
You like it? I'm looking more for constructive criticism rather than praise. I'm (no offense to him) not Chidori. I'm looking to improve my writing and story as I progress, and any and all suggestions are welcome.

As for the invisible thing, think of it like Blue's Clues. I'll leave you little hints here and there and you can track me down.
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-04-2010, 05:13 PM   #14
Vatanui AKA Pride
has a farm...
WCA
 
Vatanui AKA Pride's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: You know what? Dammit, just call me Vat.
Posts: 30,886
Rep Power: 21
Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.Vatanui AKA Pride completed an A-Rank mission and saved the forum yet again.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by SageoftheSixPaths View Post
You like it? I'm looking more for constructive criticism rather than praise. I'm (no offense to him) not Chidori. I'm looking to improve my writing and story as I progress, and any and all suggestions are welcome.

As for the invisible thing, think of it like Blue's Clues. I'll leave you little hints here and there and you can track me down.
That most basic way to track him down is use Statistics or PM him, simply.

As for the criticism part, I'll make sure to tell it tomorrow.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Vatanui AKA Pride is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 03-06-2010, 06:21 PM   #15
Spleen Boy
Special Jonin Candidate
 
Spleen Boy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Right behind Stomach Boy. ZING!
Posts: 2,317
Rep Power: 10
Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!Spleen Boy has completed a tough C-rank mission!
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by SageoftheSixPaths View Post
You like it? I'm looking more for constructive criticism rather than praise. I'm (no offense to him) not Chidori. I'm looking to improve my writing and story as I progress, and any and all suggestions are welcome.

As for the invisible thing, think of it like Blue's Clues. I'll leave you little hints here and there and you can track me down.
Grr. I find most of my favorite threads by stalking you!
Now I have... I don't even know... search for stuff.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Spoiler:
"There are those who strive to live an exciting life. So they leave their normal worlds behind to submerge themselves in a new world.
But it only takes 3 days before that becomes their new normal."

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
Spleen Boy is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2010, 05:14 PM   #16
Teddie
Sage of Raw Honey
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 10
Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

So your posting it, eh?
__________________
Spoiler:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye.
Teddie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2010, 05:29 PM   #17
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chidori4 View Post
So your posting it, eh?
Actually, I already posted it. xD
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2010, 05:30 PM   #18
Teddie
Sage of Raw Honey
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 10
Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

pOSTING, as in your not done with the series.
__________________
Spoiler:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye.
Teddie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2010, 05:44 PM   #19
SageoftheSixPaths
NOTHING FISH?!
 
SageoftheSixPaths's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Where you live
Posts: 10,690
Rep Power: 14
SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.SageoftheSixPaths has a spectacular chakra aura going on.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

Not even close. I'm trying to write a couple chapters before posting again. That way I can just sit back and post a new chapter a week for a while without having to worry about falling behind.
__________________
Signature currently offline
SageoftheSixPaths is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 03-10-2010, 05:54 PM   #20
Teddie
Sage of Raw Honey
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 10
Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.Teddie is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.
Default Re: Disciples of the Void

UNderstandable.
And how'd you get Kuroda Taishi to look at yours x[
SPread the good fortune, o brother of mine!
__________________
Spoiler:

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye.
Teddie is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Tags
fanfic, sageofthesixpaths, sotsp, void


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 06:11 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.