My story (please dont be harsh -.-)

[Koiyomii Natsume]

Spoiler:

There are a little rip offs of Naruto on here, just one though. They had to seal the spirit inside the main character. ^^''

Preface:


Kurosaki ran as fast as his legs could take him; avoiding trees and obstacles in his way. He had to return to his people and give them the news- an evil spirit was on its way, destroying everything in it's path. He had to at least try to get his family and friends far enough away from the spirits path of destruction. The only thing that filled Kurosaki's mind as he ran was his wife Taki, and their newborn child-he had still yet to see her. His worries grew larger as he paced himself to move faster.
Kurosaki could see his village nearing close. 'Thank the heavens...' He spoke to himself, entering the village. He spotted Maki-one of the village supervisors- and ran towards her.
"Maki!" He panted. "You've got to warn everyone.."
"Kurosaki, warn everyone? About what? Has something happened?" Maki placed a hand on his shoulder, her face filled with worry.
"This is not the time to ask meaningless questions Maki.." Kurosaki said, bringing his voice to a stable tone. "Just go and tell the rest of the villagers to get only their precious belongings and leave the village immediatly!"
"But-" Maki hesitated.
"That is an order Maki! Go!" Kurosaki snarrled at her.
Maki hesitated, but, realizing the serious expression on Kurosaki's face, she nodded, and headed deeper into the village to warn the rest of the villagers. Kurosaki ran also deeper into the village; in search of his wife and his beloved daughter. Reaching to his house, he burst through the door, to find an empty living room. He turned the corner of the house, and walked into his room; finding his wife.
"Taki!" He yelled, running over to her.
"Kurosaki," She smiled gently, happy to finally see her husband after such a long time. "It's good to see you-"
"We haven't the time for welcomings my love," Kurosaki grabbed her hands tightly. "We must leave before it's too late."
"Too late?" Taki asked in confusion. "What are you talking about Kuro'?"
A deep menacing roar could be heard from the village; sending a trembling quake into the earth. The villagers began to scream in terror; Kurosaki's fears had come true. The spirit was drawing near, the village of Life didnt have much time before it was to destroy everything.
"Taki.." Kurosaki said, fear in his voice. "We must leave now. Please..tell me, where is our daughter?"
Tears of fear filled Taki's eyes as she ran into the other room; Kurosaki following close behind. Taki ran over to a small wooden crib, and bent down, picking up a small child bundled up in a blanket. Kurosaki nodded, and grasped Taki's hand, pulling her out of the house.
The spirit was now in sight- it's two tails whisped around, sending trees falling onto the village- the spirit took the form of a wolf-like creature.
"Wh-what is that?" Taki asked in both astonishment, and crippling fear.
"I'm not sure Taki, but we've got to leave." Kurosaki said, pulling her away from the beast.
As they ran, they passed destroyed buildings, and screaming villagers, fathers and families trying to run from the falling trees, and the stomps of the wolf spirit. They all sent chills down Kurosaki's spine; he wanted so badly to help, but, his only priority was to save his own family. Putting more thought into it, Kurosaki stopped in his tracks. Taki looked at him in confusion.
"Kurosaki, what are you doing?" Taki asked in a hurried tone.
"I..." Kurosaki hesitated. "I have to save everyone from this.."
Looking at his wife, he saw the horror on her face; she new all to well of what he meant. Tears poured down her cheeks, she shook her head.
"I-I won't allow it Kurosaki!" She yelled.
Kurosaki frowned, moving a strand of hair away from her face. He didn't want to do it either, but it was the only way to save what was left of his village. He unbundled the blanket on his daughter, and looked at her face; Her hair was a dark red, with a small nose, and chubby cheeks. Her eyes were closed, showing that she was asleep. He looked at Taki.
"What is her name, Taki?" Kurosaki asked calmly.
"Sh-shizuko...her name is Shizuko.." Taki shook away her tears.
"After my mother," Kurosaki smiled.
A tree engulfed in flames fell onto a building near them. Kurosaki's smile faded; he held Taki's face into his hands, and pressed his lips hard against her own.
"Taki, i want you to gather as many people as you can, and get them away from this village." Kurosaki said.
"But, Kuro'.." Taki began to cry again. "Come with us.. don't do this, i'd..i'd rahter die than be without you.."
"You can't my love," Kurosaki replied. "You must live, and take care of our Shizuko. Now go." He said to her.
Taki refused, shaking her head and yelling at him. Kurosaki grabbed her shoulders and shook her.
"Stop this Taki!" Kurosaki yelled. "This is no time to be doing this. Now go! That is an order!"
Taki's eyes went wide. With an angry expression, Taki nodded, whispering the words 'i love you' before running out of his sight. Kurosaki sighed, and ran in the direction of the beast.

Spoiler:

not finished yet. it's like 2:20 am and i'm tired. lol i'll finish it tomorrow

[Ur Mom]

Pretty good

(I'm guessing another rip-off is "Kurosaki" from Bleach)

BTW, this thread belongs here, I recommend you go ahead and move it there, and wwhile you're at it change the title name to JUST "My story", no need for the second part

[ThePurpleChidori]

Nice story, but it should be moved to http://naruto.viz.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=63. Go to Moderation Tools, click Move Thread, then it will give you instructions. Follow them and move it to Fanfictions, Art, and Stories or whatever it's called.

[Ur Mom]

-_____________- I just said that

[Chuckness]

Wow, great story. I wish I could write like that >.< although it may just be the really small font, but it looked like you could publish that thing- just the way it is. It could be a great fantasy story.