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Old 06-30-2010, 09:48 AM   #1
ItachiAnbu
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Default Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

This story, entitled "Artists", is a brand-new idea that I came up with, and it deals with the sort of "alternate future" concept, which is present in books such as "Fahrenheit 451" and "1984".

This is not a Naruto fanfiction, as much as I would like to write one. I am posting it here to see if I can't get any mature reviews here. It will be much longer than most other stories on this site, so hopefully you're ready for that, if indeed you wish to read it.

I will be posting Chapter One here, at the very next chance I get. Please note that this is a somewhat horrific story. If you enjoy advanced horror novels, you've come to the right place. If you do not, then do as you see fit.

I will post a new part to the current chapter almost every day.
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Old 06-30-2010, 09:52 AM   #2
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

This seems like a promising idea, I can't wait to see what it looks like.

EDIT: It'll be good for me to read this to enhance my writing 'cause my story is more of a kids story than what this seems to be.
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Old 06-30-2010, 10:02 AM   #3
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

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Originally Posted by Invisible Fog View Post
This seems like a promising idea, I can't wait to see what it looks like.

EDIT: It'll be good for me to read this to enhance my writing 'cause my story is more of a kids story than what this seems to be.
Well, thanks for the compliment. Hopefully both of us wil become better writers through this!
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Old 06-30-2010, 10:31 AM   #4
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

Chapter One:

Part One:

Spoiler:
Anthony Rogers was very much like any upstanding citizen in his community. He ate his allotted 18 meals a week, he slept with a baleful assortment of women during that same week, and he kept working to the tempo of the Music which played through the office. Every five minutes or so, the song would change. But the beat was always the same.

Boom.

Boom.

Boom.

Every five minutes or so, he would finish another assignment, but the work was always the same.

Boom.

Boom.

Only looking up when he finished an assignment, like his Brothers and Sisters around him. The red tables. The red pen. The red of the uniforms, wrapped tightly around the bodies. The red marks on the paper. Here is the Department of Corrections, everything was red.

Mr. Anthony Rogers spent a great deal of his time here, correcting the order forms with which he was presented. At age 349, he was expecting one of his own order forms to come through here any week now. One of his Brothers or Sisters in the Department of Reception would receive it, send it to one of his Brothers or Sisters here, in the Department of Corrections, to be checked, and then sent to the Department of Transitions, to be filed, and then sent out.

There, at the Workshop, the Department of Remedy would prepare his order, after which he would visit his Brothers and Sisters there for the operation.

He looked reminiscently at his right hand and arm, and then at his left. The former had been working for him for 59 years, and the latter had been acquired 13 years ago.

A new song had started. He quickly shuffled his last order into the box on his left, and began on the next order in the box on the right. Pulling it out, he began to work. He had 2399 order forms left to finish in the next seven hours and fifty-five minutes before his shift was over.
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Old 06-30-2010, 05:54 PM   #5
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

Good so far.
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Old 07-01-2010, 08:40 AM   #6
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

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It will be much longer than most other stories on this site, so hopefully you're ready for that.
Doubtful, xD
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Old 07-01-2010, 11:02 AM   #7
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Doubtful, xD
At least I said most. xD

Chapter One:

Part Two:

Spoiler:
She started from the Preparation Room into the hallway. Black boots clicked against the floor, lab coat billowing out behind her. Her hair blond was up in a bun, though her bangs drifted in front of her forehead like clouds on a summer day.

Mary Ann's coat contrasted deeply with the green uniform she wore below it, which was visible where the lab coat parted in front of her. Green was the official color of the Department of Remedy, and all objects in the Department Headquarters where colored with various shades of green. All uniforms for the Department's were standard, the only difference being the varying colors. Standard loose pants with belt, standard button-down and collared shirt with tie.

Belonging to the second largest Department was a source of pride to Mary. Hers was preceded in size only by the Department of Growth. She reflected, as she turned yet another corner and went down another hallway, that people were often judged, in a rather caste-like manner, by which Department they belonged to. Therefore, she thought, it was only right to be proud of herself.

Hurrying to the door at the end of the hallway, where she worked, she swiped her I.D. card in the slot on the right. A small screen flashed, then read; Wilkins, Mary Ann. The door swung forward to admit her, and she pushed her small green-rimmed glasses up the bridge of her nose. She and four of her Brothers and Sisters then gathered around an operating table, where a man who had been put to sleep for the duration of the operation lay, and a large ice-box. Working quickly, her Brother made an incision where the man's right leg joined his hip. Her two Sisters then opened up his shirt, and made a large box-shaped incision on his chest.

After removing the leg, another one her Brothers, by the name of McDougal, Clarence, opened up the ice-box and took out one of the items inside, before quickly closing it. The dull green light illuminated the beads of sweat on his face and he slowly lay down the new leg, and moved it into position.

Mary Ann then took to it with her grafting tools, first heating the leg to a small degree, then cutting a thin layer of protective plastic covering off of the top. As she peeled back the layer, that familiar repugnant decaying oder met her nostrils. Adrenaline surged through her body as she began to stitch the leg into it's proper place.

Glancing to the right momentarily, she saw two of her Sisters and her Brother removing and replacing old, dysfunctioning organs with new ones from the same ice-box. One of her sisters was using a small flame to advance the process, and fuse the new flesh together with small plastic tubings and wires. As the smell of smoldering flesh hit her, Mary Ann was over come with a wave of nausea. She continued, however, to work on the leg until her piece of the process was finished.

She and Clarence exited to wash up in the Preparation Room, before returning to help their Brothers and Sisters clear away the remains of the process. They then reported to the next room in their line-up while the air in the previous one was being filtered by members of the Cleansing Department.
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Old 07-03-2010, 03:09 PM   #8
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

I've been bust lately, but the next part will probably come on Monday, and I might due the conclusion to the current chapter on Tuesday.
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Old 07-07-2010, 01:43 PM   #9
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Default Re: Artists: ItachiAnbu's Story

Sorry about that, but I was delayed when life caught up with me. I need a little time for organization, but after that, we shall continue! ;P
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