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Old 08-14-2009, 01:21 PM   #1
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Unhappy my newest story: son of Chaos

Introduction: a bloody day in the morning

a boy sits in the shadows of his home alone with nothing to live for but the knife in his hands. His parents, grandmother and younger brother lay there on the floor dead at his feet. he just sits there with his hands covered in blood and a glazed look in his eyes. he just sits there in the shadow's doing nothing. no tears shed and no pain in his heart.

he speaks up even though no one will here him "I am night, I have no regrets and no family, everything I ever loved is dead, because i killed them". he then gets up with a knife in his hand and looks out the window. "I wonder who will be punished next" night says.

to be continued...

PLZ POST WHAT YOU THINK!

the character and chapter sections will be edited almost every chapter so look there often.

chapters

introduction-a bloody day in the morning: pg. 1 post 1

chapter 1-twilight massacre: pg. 1 post 9

chapter 2- on the run: pg. 1 post 18

chapter 3 - departure pg 3 post 52

chapter 4 - the plan pg. 3 post 57

chapter 5 - man and machine pg. 3 post 60

chapter 6 - Curts return pg. 4 post 61

character's:

Night: a teenage boy who killed his family for reasons unknown. uses a knife to fight.

Lite: an ally of Night and a user of guns. very upbeat

Midna: an ally of Night and sister of Lite. normally stays out of the fights and prepares the weapons used to execute any plans they have.

Curt: a middle aged man who allows Night and the others to use his Island and joins there cause.

Alexander: A muscular Russian with a black beard who joins Night and the others to improve the conditions of his homeland

Akello:A strong willed black man from Kenya who carries a spear and has a pet tiger named Nala

Nala: A female tiger that is cared for by Akello.

Kyleen: A japanesse woman who excels in martial arts and carries a sword on her back.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito

Last edited by assassin; 08-20-2009 at 07:39 AM.
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:03 PM   #2
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

wow. sounds,ok.
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:06 PM   #3
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

Sounds good, but too short, and needs capitalization.
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:08 PM   #4
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

vat don't criticize my grammar and i know it's short.

it's just an intro though so the rest will make it longer.

besides, i hate grammar and it puts me to sleep so i never learned it.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:21 PM   #5
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

good job assasin.
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Old 08-14-2009, 02:36 PM   #6
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

It's good, but a little freaky, with him killing his family.
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Old 08-14-2009, 03:56 PM   #7
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin View Post
vat don't criticize my grammar and i know it's short.

it's just an intro though so the rest will make it longer.

besides, i hate grammar and it puts me to sleep so i never learned it.
Alright, fine, but good luck.

-Chants-

In my right hand is the stone that bridges the worlds. In my left hand is the blade that binds reality. The black-haired shepherd is hung on a chair. Stratus clouds come, and I strike down the ibis.
Garganta!

A tear in the dimensional vortex suddenly rips open form the sky, leading up to eternal darkness.

See ya.
-jumps in and the Garganta slams shut with a bang-
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Old 08-14-2009, 04:30 PM   #8
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Cool Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin View Post
vat don't criticize my grammar and i know it's short.

it's just an intro though so the rest will make it longer.

besides, i hate grammar and it puts me to sleep so i never learned it.
ugh! i hate grammer to. my teacher always yelled at me,for tlking in class,or reading in class.
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Old 08-14-2009, 05:46 PM   #9
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin View Post
Introduction: a bloody day in the morning





a boy sits in the shadows of his home alone with nothing to live for but the knife in his hands. His parents, grandmother and younger brother lay there on the floor dead at his feet. he just sits there with his hands covered in blood and a glazed look in his eyes. he just sits there in the shadow's doing nothing. no tears shed and no pain in his heart.

he speaks up even though no one will here him "I am night, I have no regrets and no family, everything I ever loved is dead, because i killed them". he then gets up with a knife in his hand and looks out the window. "I wonder who will be punished next" night says.

to be continued...

PLZ POST WHAT YOU THINK!

the character and chapter sections will be edited almost every chapter so look there often.

chapters

introduction-a bloody day in the morning: pg. 1 post 1

character's:


Night: a teenage boy who killed his family for reasons unknown.
Chapter 1: twilight massacre

"is it done night?" asked a boy with short brown hair and blue eyes standing out front by the door. Night comes out of his house and speaks "yes, it's done". "well it's almost time Night, Midna's gonna get impatient waiting for us" says the boy. "i know lite, lets go" night says.

the boys go to an appartment and go up to the roof a girl with black hair and red eyes waits at the edge. "What took you 2 so long! i've been waiting like an hour!". "oh calm down Midna it's not easy killing off your family, our parents were dead already so we didn't have to suffer through what Night just suffered through" lite said. "hmf, whatever" complains Midna. "so are we gonna do this?". "yeah we are, it's the hour of twilight so it's time, the bombs ready?" responded Night. "yeah they're all set all you have to do is push this button" Midna throws a trigger at Night. "alright then lets do this" exclaims Lite as he pulls out 2 guns "im ready whenever you 2 are".

Night presses the button and 8 explosions appear throughout the neighborhood. Lite jumps off the building with both guns in hand and exclaims "YAAAHOOOO" and starts to shoot at random ppl. "I'm just the weapons maker i'm not good in combat so i'm getting out of here Night see you outside of town when it's over" Midna says. "alright, see you there" answers Night as he draws a knife. then he jumps off the building and starts to stab anyone he see's with Lite covering him with his guns. by the twilights end everyone in town was dead and all three were sleeping in a forest outside the destroyed city. none of them had regret of what they did.

to be continued.

again plz post how i did.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito

Last edited by assassin; 08-14-2009 at 05:59 PM.
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Old 08-14-2009, 05:49 PM   #10
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

O__O freaky and awesome dude
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Old 08-14-2009, 05:51 PM   #11
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

*takes a bow* thank you.

which of the three characters do you like more so far?
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:01 PM   #12
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

Looks good.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:03 PM   #13
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

omg! its awesome! i love it!
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:09 PM   #14
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

and it has only begun.

this one is so much easier to go on for me than my last one.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:10 PM   #15
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

ok then..write more!!! i need more!!
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:19 PM   #16
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

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*takes a bow* thank you.

which of the three characters do you like more so far?
Midna.
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:21 PM   #17
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again plz post how i did.

Great! Is the story takeing place in modren times or are you haveing them live in the naruto world?
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Old 08-14-2009, 07:32 PM   #18
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and it has only begun.

this one is so much easier to go on for me than my last one.

Chapter 2- on the run
"hey Night can we take a break" asked Lite whining like a pathetic child. "your 17 suck it up" shouted Midna "how am i even related to you". "man Midna that's mean" Lite said. "rg, aaaaaarggggg why did we bring my stupid brother along anyway night? it's not like he's very usefull" Midna complains. "because he's good at backing me up, i attack from close range and his pinpointing talents can shoot bullets with bullets so he can cover me when i'm fighting up close" Night responds. "rrrrg whatever you two i don't get. your complete opposites yet your the best of friends i just don't get it" midna continues to complain. "A great and very ancient chinese prophet once said, people are like the yin yang, they are only one side and require the other to sustain each other, or somethin like that" Night says.

the three continue to walk down the street until a passing police car stops and a police officer comes out. "freeze!" he said. "my my Night the cops seem to know something about us already when it's only been 3 days, I must say i'm impressed" Lite says all casual like. "why are we being stopped officer" asked Night "we were just on our way home from a camping trip we walked the way there so we need to walk the way back home". "don't lie to me! you three are the only ones from the neighborhood that was recently destroyed who's bodies were never found so your being taken in for questioning" the officer responded. "Li....." midna is cut off when Night put his hand out to tell her to stop. Night raised his hands. "Wh-wha-what are you doing Night" Midna asked completely astonished. "heh your a good kid" the officer said. "die" Night said bluntly and flipped a knife out of his shirt sleeve and threw it at the officers neck killing him. "ach......." the officer hacked "you bastard!" the officer fell over and died.

a few hours later the three went into the forest to avoid persuit from the cops and Midna came to ask,"hey Lite, Night how were you two able to do all that and plan all that without speaking to each other, Lite wasn't in the least bit worried at all when you raised your hands in the air"? "as i said, we complete each other, what i lack he accels in and vice versa. we work extremely well with each other and know how the other will react in a situation", answered Night. Midna just stayed silent for the rest of the day.

to be continued.

i know it ain't as bloody as the last two chapters but it's still pretty good.
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contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

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Old 08-14-2009, 07:32 PM   #19
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

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Great! Is the story takeing place in modren times or are you haveing them live in the naruto world?
modern times.

no guns in naruto world.
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Originally Posted by assassin
contrary to popular belief, pm does not mean "private message", it means "perverted mind".

"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito
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Old 08-14-2009, 08:09 PM   #20
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Default Re: my newest story: son of Chaos

pretty cool.

where did u figure the charecter midna?
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