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08-08-2009, 06:15 PM
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#1 |
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Apprentice Genin
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: to go be more of a good boy! HI DEIDARA SENSEI!
Posts: 163
Rep Power: 0  |
The Blood Assassin
Okay, so I have made some things that were not supposed to be on here(like using actual characters in different stories)... but that was in the past so please read this...
The greatest laugh heard was not of happiness. It was of guilt and insanity that it was uttered. A figure of crimson lined his shadow... he didnt have a soul so it seemed. But one day he appeared at a cemetary, laying a newborn baby boy by a headstone that read his name: rest in peace my son Himo Ozuki As he layed the infant on his back, it laughed... and then so did the father... he laughed not of guilt... but of happiness... The boy was raised and cared for by an adopted abusive father, Himo's uncle, and no other parent figure. He farmed out on the fields to make decent money to feed himself. he wasnt an adopted kid, more like a slave. Every night at dusk he would sneak out the window. He was trained by an old hermit living in the southern mountains. The hermit was especially hard on Himo. Himo one day went home, to find his uncle screaming at himo... this is what himo said... "Up yours old man," and in the same breath, cut the mans head off... It was himo who went to the hermit the next day. He wanted to learn the secret art of ninjustu. the hermit glared at him of unease. "I have but one request," the hermit said. "You must become my assassin." Himo looked at him strangely and said,"okay... ill do it." I wanna get input, so please post!
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(^))) Tobi's A Good Boy! /_!_\ Put this on your sig if you love Tobi I JUST SAW... a tree... IMA GIVIT A HUG! (./_\.) Mangekyou Sharingan!!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Itachi Madara: You, have the will of fire... and remind me of the man I hated most in this world... Last edited by obitobi; 08-11-2009 at 06:56 AM. |
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08-08-2009, 08:10 PM
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#2 | |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: I don't care where you are or what your doing...SO STOP TELLING ME ON TWITTER!
Posts: 8,246
Rep Power: 11  |
Re: The Blood Assassin
im a little confused.
when did Himo get an abusive father?
__________________
Spoiler:
zanpaktou: Abrasador Tormenta escudo espada #3 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Quote:
"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito |
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08-08-2009, 08:44 PM
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#3 | |
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Apprentice Genin
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: to go be more of a good boy! HI DEIDARA SENSEI!
Posts: 163
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
Quote:
__________________
(^))) Tobi's A Good Boy! /_!_\ Put this on your sig if you love Tobi I JUST SAW... a tree... IMA GIVIT A HUG! (./_\.) Mangekyou Sharingan!!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Itachi Madara: You, have the will of fire... and remind me of the man I hated most in this world... |
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08-08-2009, 08:49 PM
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#4 |
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Apprentice Genin
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: to go be more of a good boy! HI DEIDARA SENSEI!
Posts: 163
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
nobody likes it?
 im sad... i hope people do...
__________________
(^))) Tobi's A Good Boy! /_!_\ Put this on your sig if you love Tobi I JUST SAW... a tree... IMA GIVIT A HUG! (./_\.) Mangekyou Sharingan!!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Itachi Madara: You, have the will of fire... and remind me of the man I hated most in this world... |
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08-08-2009, 11:54 PM
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#5 | |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: I don't care where you are or what your doing...SO STOP TELLING ME ON TWITTER!
Posts: 8,246
Rep Power: 11 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
well it isn't awful but you just went to happy to abusive father in an instant without explaining it.
you need to explain how it happens. no where does it say Himo was adopted. maybe have his original parents die and he gets raised by an abusive uncle or something. makes much more sense to me. just a thought
__________________
Spoiler:
zanpaktou: Abrasador Tormenta escudo espada #3 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Quote:
"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito |
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08-09-2009, 12:17 AM
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#6 |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: If my status is online, then I'm online, duh! xD
Posts: 4,130
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
Uh ... Wow ... It's a good story, but you dhould add more background, like what happened to his parents or what made his father so abusive.
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I'm the original antagonist of the forums, the first to create an organization of rogues, possibly the person who's had the most names ever on the forum. I have left and now I'm back, why not have a welcome back party? For I shall cause more chaos once more...
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. |
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08-11-2009, 06:48 AM
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#7 |
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Apprentice Genin
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: to go be more of a good boy! HI DEIDARA SENSEI!
Posts: 163
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
thx, im not that good so i like this input!
__________________
(^))) Tobi's A Good Boy! /_!_\ Put this on your sig if you love Tobi I JUST SAW... a tree... IMA GIVIT A HUG! (./_\.) Mangekyou Sharingan!!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Itachi Madara: You, have the will of fire... and remind me of the man I hated most in this world... |
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08-14-2009, 06:59 PM
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#8 | |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: I don't care where you are or what your doing...SO STOP TELLING ME ON TWITTER!
Posts: 8,246
Rep Power: 11 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
is this story dead or are you gonna keep working on it?
__________________
Spoiler:
zanpaktou: Abrasador Tormenta escudo espada #3 To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Quote:
"My plan was perfect! But there was one thing I overlooked, one facter I failed to calculate. He's a dumba$$. And there's no accounting for dumba$$...ness." ~Agito |
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08-15-2009, 08:27 AM
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#9 |
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Apprentice Genin
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: to go be more of a good boy! HI DEIDARA SENSEI!
Posts: 163
Rep Power: 0 |
Re: The Blood Assassin
im gonna keep it going. it will go on when im notso busy. like this monday probably.
__________________
(^))) Tobi's A Good Boy! /_!_\ Put this on your sig if you love Tobi I JUST SAW... a tree... IMA GIVIT A HUG! (./_\.) Mangekyou Sharingan!!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Itachi Madara: You, have the will of fire... and remind me of the man I hated most in this world... |
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