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Old 01-24-2013, 06:05 PM   #1
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Default I'm a Ghost.

Disclaimer: If you have nothing nice to say, don't say it.

First, I would like to say that I know I'm not the smartest person, or the toughest, I used to well balanced. Smiling all the time, where ever I was. I enjoyed living life the way it was. I was a very happy young man. Then. Something horrible happened to me a year ago. I lost my father. I still remember the day like it was yesterday.. I remember looking at my mother and seeing her face looking at me and what I felt was beyond anything bad combined that has happened to me in my whole entire life. I went to my room and went on my knees and I was gonna end my life. I had my father pistol, and then I felt something. I don't know what it was, but I put the gun in the garbage can in my room and walked downstairs to my mother and I held her tight. Crying with her. I look back now and if'd end my life. She would ended hers. I know she would of. Ever since that day. I've been dead. I died with my father. I don't feel anything anymore. I eat to stay alive, drink, sleep, because I don't my mom to die, I love her. This is why I'm am the way I am. I've been preparing myself to tell each and everyone one of you this for along time. I've only told two people on the forum before this moment. I don't know if I'm able to move on. I haven't talked with any of my friends at home about this. Everytime someone brought it up, I'd seriously get angry and would want to kill them. Instead I'd walk away crying. I'm at my boiling point. I want peace. With everyone here. If you can't give me that, then don't. Just don't be mean to me anymore. There's no excuse though for the way I've been acting, there's none. I hope from this moment on, everyone has a better understanding on who I am as a person, and who I wanna be as a person. I'm really trying here. I still can't believe it happened.. I'm so stupid for crying right now. 'Cause I was raised to be headstrong, but I know my father would smiling at me right now.
My name is Luis, and I'm a Ghost. Help me heal.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:06 PM   #2
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

You're not alone dude.
My mom saw her dad die when she was 19.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:10 PM   #3
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

my mom's dad died from falling from a cliff, cracked his head wide open on a rock. they covered his head w/ a bag, also i had a cousin that died at age 4 from a nerve that broke in her brain. so yeah you are not alone
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:11 PM   #4
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

I know I'm not alone, but I feel alone. Everyday.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:13 PM   #5
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

It's alright man, everyone has to cry at some point. I admit, I am a crybaby. It sucks when someone close to you dies, whether or not it is an animal, or what. Last year, my cat died while I was petting him.


If you would like, you can PM me to talk about it.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:14 PM   #6
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Azal View Post
It's alright man, everyone has to cry at some point. I admit, I am a crybaby. It sucks when someone close to you dies, whether or not it is an animal, or what. Last year, my cat died while I was petting him.


If you would like, you can PM me to talk about it.
That was the saddest damn thing I've ever heard in my life... ;-;
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:16 PM   #7
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Hey... it will bo ok. Don't feel so bad, life gets better man. I'm ere for you.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:20 PM   #8
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Thank you guys for your support. I'm gonna go for a walk, I always take a walk at night. Again, thank you.
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Old 01-24-2013, 06:28 PM   #9
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

I mean my father did't die so I can't say I know your pain 100% But mine and my step mother basicly ripped me from the family and he dosn't consider me his son anymore. I never get to see him.... ever. I feel like crying ome time because all I wanted was to get to know him because he wasn't there my whole like because he devoriced my mother when I was a baby. And living with his for only a year in my senior year was the only time I actully had well a family, because my mother was always getting a new boyfriend at times.
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Old 01-24-2013, 07:36 PM   #10
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Wow... I honestly can't begin to relate... But I still feel bad.

I've lived an odd life, but not one littered with anything bad enough to truly sympathize.. But I'm sorry. Sorry for how harshly I have treated you. You have always entertained me in odd ways

Here's some advice: Try listening to music. Not sad, emo, metal, etc. I would recommend the happiest you know. Personally, as nerdy as it is, I find any music from Zelda: Wind Waker to be really soothing.

Also, talk to your friends. If you don't feel you have any that you trust, put faith in them. If you feel you can't do that, then you need new friends.

If I have learned one thing, it's that it's far easier to make friends if you even briefly keep a positive attitude!

Personally, I'm a Christian and I just turn to God in times of need, but I understand that not everyone believes in Him. Whenever I'm upset I turn to Him and listen to Christian music, but assuming you wouldn't believe as I do, I felt Zelda would soothe you enough. I do not wish to start a debate here, but I will leave you with this.

Try going to church once. Just one Sunday morning listening to a message about Christ. Then you can decide how you feel. It may seem boring, but if you sit back and truly absorb the meaning, then you might just feel a little better.
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Old 02-02-2013, 06:34 AM   #11
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

(Weekly update)

Since last week, I feel a little bit better, I've been listening to the Zelda music and it's helped me a lot, actually cools me down and lets me think a lot better. I spoken with my mother about my father and she was happy, she didn't press me about him the since that day because I wasn't willing to let go, we went to see him yesterday, I was shaking so much, I thought I couldn't get out of the car, but I did and walked to his grave, seeing my mother crying the way she did, it was special, I was tearing also.

I felt him.. I felt his presence, I don't know how to explain it but I felt my father touching my heart, it was the best feeling I've ever felt, when I felt that, I knew what he wanted me to do. To live like if he was around, it's like him telling me "It's okay, I'm around all the time." I look at our pictures and I can't help but to cry, he was there all alongside me, I haven't let go yet, it's hard and it's going to be hard.

List of people I want to thank, who has helped me the most throughout the week. Some of these people who I thought didn't even like me, they put aside their differences and, helped me.. Some of which who didn't even try to help me, helped me, only thing some of them did was talk to me or even just posting on this thread, that itself means that they know what I'm going through, just saying stuff out of the blue helps, making me smile, helps, people have no idea how much either. That's beyond anything words can describe.

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I'll rep you guys whenever I can, because this is more than just helping with a problem on the internet or a problem I have with school. It's about learning to accept that my father is dead and being to live a happy life. I'm beyond grateful to you guys.
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Old 02-02-2013, 07:10 AM   #12
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Nice to see you opened up to your mother and it done you both some good.
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:12 AM   #13
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

I helped? Coolios.

My condolences on your dad, I'm sure he wouldn't have wanted you to even think about ending your life because of him. Live it instead and try to appreciate being able to wake up everyday. Your dad wouldn't want you to waste your tears on him, you're young and he didn't grant you life only for you to throw it away. Everyone dies at some point, it's one of the hardest things to deal with but also one of the most important.
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Old 02-02-2013, 08:34 AM   #14
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

It's times like these, those giant punches life decided to throw your way, that always seem to make or break people. But I say (as the lil' chicanita on the taco commercial once proclaimed), "Why not both?" You've experienced the damage yourself; a family member's death is a terrible blow that can shatter your whole world. But you did the right thing, the strong thing; you decided to keep on keepin' on for your mom's sake. And now, you're opening up to others for reassurance. This may be the best thing you could do. It gets your feelings out there, and maybe someone will say something to really help out. I can see already that the latter is true, and I'm glad to see that my fellow forum-goers are helping out.

Back to my original point, this event has broken many a man over the years, but you didn't let it. You hung on by a thread and stayed strong for your mother. Now that you'be faced such hardship, you can become an even better person. These experiences can really mold you, and once you learn how to deal with them, they can give you new insight into life. You've already stopped yourself from falling off the cliff. Now we can help you back to the top. If there's anything I or any of us can do to help, just lemme know! After all, I can't stand people being unhappy.
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Old 02-02-2013, 09:22 AM   #15
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Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Nice to see that you're doing well. The worst thing about life is that it builds you up just to kick you down. You just need to keep yourself busy and make sure that you don't fall into a slump. Find a girl or someone to talk to in real life, too. It's great that you can vent to us and I commend you for being so honest with all of us, but it feels SO much better to confide in someone/something (even an animal) that's tangible. It makes you feel less alone. Good luck.
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Old 02-02-2013, 09:26 AM   #16
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Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.Jinchiruuki is now the name of a pricey dish at Ichiraku Ramen.
Default Re: I'm a Ghost.

Don't look to some outside influence for healing or help. You have that potential within yourself but it is up to you whether to choose that or look to an outside source.

Such things are hard to get through, I know your pain very well. Only thing I could say to give any measure of advice or comfort, would be to trust yourself over anyone else, and find comfort in knowing you will see your Dad again. Through struggle and chaos, we evolve, thus is the way of a human life. It is up to you whether or not that evolution will be positive or negative.
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"Confront the dark parts of yourself, and work to banish them with illumination and forgiveness. Your willingness to wrestle with your demons will cause your angels to sing. Use the pain as fuel, as a reminder of your strength."--August Wilson

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