You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bear

Kreegah!!! · 03-10-2012, 04:56 PM

Situation:

Arctic ice shelf. You've just clobbered the two cubs thinking they were malicious Laplander Trolls in miniature. She-bear is full-grown and all muscle. Not only have you robbed her of her young, but the only seal for 1,000 cu. mi. was chased off by the screams of the brutalized. A mote of hunger lust doth sparkle in her eye.

You are a quarter mile apart, your ship is on exploratory for the moment, three miles away. You are wearing standard tourist polar garb, heavy and bright. Bear is immaculate white but for nose (even though fur is clear, mind you).

A blizzard will set in within 4 minutes.

TRcommander · 03-10-2012, 10:39 PM

Running at full speed (which she has every reason to do so) the polar bear will reach you in under a minute and proceed to rip you apart. I don't think the mallet or hammer will do any good.

Gaara is #1 · 03-10-2012, 10:43 PM

dead

Ino's Girl · 03-10-2012, 11:30 PM

Lol I don't stand a chance

Cult of Personality · 03-10-2012, 11:33 PM

I could win this fight with my bare hands, one of which would be tied behind my back along with one of my legs.

Kreegah!!! · 03-10-2012, 11:41 PM

Wonderful, wonderful! But the readers/lurkers want the morbid details.

Frost ninja · 03-11-2012, 12:16 AM

I would commit sepukku for the crimes against cute bears I have commited. The she-bear eats my remains with a side of fava beans

Ultimate combatant · 03-11-2012, 12:56 AM

What is a she-bear?!!

Kreegah!!! · 03-11-2012, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ultimate combatant

What is a she-bear?!!

A mother bear.

Wooster · 03-11-2012, 08:59 PM

Run close to the simmering shores as possible. Use the mallet handle as a pick and start hammering away into that ice. Hopefully, that will dislodge you in time to float away.

Although, cold may be a problem, the incoming blizzard should produce a nice wind. A jacket should make a nice sail, to keep you ahead of an incoming aquatic bear. Perhaps you will luck out and the bear will find nice halibut to chew on and give up before the storm fully commences.

NBT · 03-11-2012, 09:08 PM

Bear its head kicked in.

shinigan no sora · 03-13-2012, 06:58 PM

You get one and only one very very short window to smash a good dent in her skull which may only disorient her if it does anything

And that is the split second before she tears your throat out

Kreegah!!! · 03-14-2012, 05:45 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Wooster

Run close to the simmering shores as possible. Use the mallet handle as a pick and start hammering away into that ice. Hopefully, that will dislodge you in time to float away.

Although, cold may be a problem, the incoming blizzard should produce a nice wind. A jacket should make a nice sail, to keep you ahead of an incoming aquatic bear. Perhaps you will luck out and the bear will find nice halibut to chew on and give up before the storm fully commences.

Quote:

Originally Posted by shinigan no sora

You get one and only one very very short window to smash a good dent in her skull which may only disorient her if it does anything

And that is the split second before she tears your throat out

Situational update:

Combine your two options.

Bear is temporarily stalled; you have a 15-minute head start. Bear ploughs into the sea, and pursues with haste and vehemence.

waterluffyG2 · 03-14-2012, 01:42 PM

I'd throw the mallet to try and distract the bear while I run for it. I'd probably get killed, though.

darkdemonofthemist · 03-14-2012, 02:33 PM

If she hasn't started charging yet, I'd raise my arms up high to appear bigger, start to talk very low and slowly back up. If she does try to charge, I'd get my mallet ready for impact and bash her in the eye and shove it down her throat!

And then probably die.

03-10-2012, 10:39 PM	#2
TRcommander Chunin Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 957 Rep Power: 4	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea Running at full speed (which she has every reason to do so) the polar bear will reach you in under a minute and proceed to rip you apart. I don't think the mallet or hammer will do any good.

03-10-2012, 10:43 PM	#3
Gaara is #1 Chunin Exam Participant Join Date: Jul 2010 Location: under Katt's bed Posts: 596 Rep Power: 6 Member's Picture Albums	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea dead __________________ tiger form: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. vampire or normal form: To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. I'm perfect except for 9 or 10 things

03-10-2012, 11:30 PM	#4
Ino's Girl Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: The Golden Land. Posts: 13,978 Rep Power: 21 Member's Picture Albums	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea Lol I don't stand a chance __________________ Just Call Me Supa-Soak-That Hoe☔ -JAFL ScrappY Approves! To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-10-2012, 11:33 PM	#5
Cult of Personality Super Banned Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: Scotland Posts: 2,800 Rep Power: 0	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea I could win this fight with my bare hands, one of which would be tied behind my back along with one of my legs.

03-10-2012, 11:41 PM	#6
Kreegah!!! Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,941 Rep Power: 16	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea Wonderful, wonderful! But the readers/lurkers want the morbid details.

03-10-2012, 04:56 PM	#1
Kreegah!!! Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jun 2009 Posts: 5,941 Rep Power: 16	You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bear Situation: Arctic ice shelf. You've just clobbered the two cubs thinking they were malicious Laplander Trolls in miniature. She-bear is full-grown and all muscle. Not only have you robbed her of her young, but the only seal for 1,000 cu. mi. was chased off by the screams of the brutalized. A mote of hunger lust doth sparkle in her eye. You are a quarter mile apart, your ship is on exploratory for the moment, three miles away. You are wearing standard tourist polar garb, heavy and bright. Bear is immaculate white but for nose (even though fur is clear, mind you). A blizzard will set in within 4 minutes.

03-11-2012, 12:16 AM	#7
Frost ninja debates with determination Join Date: Nov 2009 Posts: 5,452 Rep Power: 12	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea I would commit sepukku for the crimes against cute bears I have commited. The she-bear eats my remains with a side of fava beans __________________ Sometimes I like to lay on the ground and pretend I'm a carrot.

03-11-2012, 12:56 AM	#8
Ultimate combatant Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Mar 2010 Posts: 3,245 Rep Power: 15	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea What is a she-bear?!!

03-11-2012, 08:59 PM	#10
Wooster Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jan 2010 Posts: 37,200 Rep Power: 33	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea Run close to the simmering shores as possible. Use the mallet handle as a pick and start hammering away into that ice. Hopefully, that will dislodge you in time to float away. Although, cold may be a problem, the incoming blizzard should produce a nice wind. A jacket should make a nice sail, to keep you ahead of an incoming aquatic bear. Perhaps you will luck out and the bear will find nice halibut to chew on and give up before the storm fully commences. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-11-2012, 09:08 PM	#11
NBT Banned Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Knoxville,Tennessee Posts: 8,424 Rep Power: 0	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea Bear its head kicked in.

03-13-2012, 06:58 PM	#12
shinigan no sora Chunin Exam Proctor Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 1,668 Rep Power: 4	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea You get one and only one very very short window to smash a good dent in her skull which may only disorient her if it does anything And that is the split second before she tears your throat out

03-14-2012, 01:42 PM	#14
waterluffyG2 Academy Graduate Join Date: Feb 2012 Posts: 100 Rep Power: 3	Re: You with a short-hafted mallet and ballpeen hammer Vs. half-starved Polar She-bea I'd throw the mallet to try and distract the bear while I run for it. I'd probably get killed, though.

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