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#1 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
![]() This is a story about death. And Love. And the ever present battle between good and evil This is the story of a boy named Vern. And his death. Character Bios Spoiler:
Part 1. Spoiler:
Part 2 Spoiler:
Author : Teddie is an anthropomorphic bear. He loves to take long walks on the beach, and own a significant number of rural urban properties in northern South Carolina. He owns a summer vacation home in the Western East Blue, and hopes to someday grow wings so he can fly. He lives under a hole at times Updates are when they can. If you like, comment and tell me what you like! If you dont like, comment and tell me what you dont like! Crowds of angry followers may lynch you, but you'll succeed in allowing me to make my story better!
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Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. Last edited by Teddie; 06-06-2010 at 06:06 AM. |
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#2 |
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Genin Elite
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: With Chibi Shika Fangirl
Posts: 497
Rep Power: 0 ![]() |
This is good
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/l/l/l
(^-^) My sword will eat your chakura!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Kisame " OH YEAH!!!!" - The Kool-Aid Man I adopted Chibi Kisame My Awesome Girlfriend: Chibi Shika Fangirl You are the most amazing person ever, I will love you forever |
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#3 |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Halloween Town. o.o
Posts: 2,039
Rep Power: 8 ![]() |
Very nice, and so far very sad. I want to read more.
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Sorry guys, but (if you have not long since forgotten about me) I will not be coming back. Bye!
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#4 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
asdfjalsdkfjalsdk hate how i need to substitute each ' and "
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Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#5 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Thanks for the positive input, although you had only seen half the chapter, lol.
__________________
Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#6 |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Halloween Town. o.o
Posts: 2,039
Rep Power: 8 ![]() |
Wow now that I've read the rest of the chapter, it's excellent.
But what about poor Jan? ;^;
__________________
Sorry guys, but (if you have not long since forgotten about me) I will not be coming back. Bye!
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#7 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Heh, Jans the center for the entire story
Ih ave the whole story planned in my head, I just gotta write it down I have 4 Chapters done.
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Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#8 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
reposting this for future reference.
Making a TOC 001 - - Dying. . . We ran, Jan and I, past the ever present crash of the waves upon the rocks of the jetty. We ran, laughing the entirety of the way, carrying a bag of loot each. We ran, joyously at our catch, laughing gaily at the sounds of our bumbling pursuers. We ran quickly as to show our obvious superiority, despite our economic inferiority. We ran because we had to. To us, then, it was a game. We stole because we were hungry, but we stole because we had nothing to do. Stealing was simply a way to do the only two things we wanted to do; survive and have fun. We started stealing young, and it had never been a problem to get what we want. But now, we were both 16, and we were in love. There was nothing holding us back. We wanted to be married, because we were all we had. So we decided to start stealing more. And so we did. The night in question was similar to every other night we stole; clear skies, moon shining down to let our pursuers see the backs of our vagrant heads. We sprinted beside the sands, the sounds of coins jangling in the bags behind us. It was nothing new, and the curses and yelling as they tried to catch us. We though we would never be caught. We thought we owned the world. We were wrong. ~ We ran, Jan and I, our usual route, the usual way. Hurrying past the shops on the waterfront, we lithely bounded over barrel and crate, never slowing an instant. We smiled to each other, and giggled here and there. It was our escape. It was fun. At least until the gunshot rang out. Jan fell first. I saw her eyes as her body descended towards the cobblestones. It had been only an instant, but immediately I knew it was gone. I immediately knew that Jan's life was over. I slowed to a halt, only to be shot myself. I was the unlucky one. My bullet missed its mark. The tendons of the shoulder aren't the most painful place to be shot. However, being shot in and of itself is painful enough, enough to incapacitate a 16 year old lad, or at least render him unable to move. I twitched and groaned on the ground, staring into Jan's lifeless face. Our pursuers caught up to us, and stood over us as we lay on the wet cobblestones. "Oy mate, one of dems still alive!" "Well it'd do more harm to the shop if we were seen as murderers. Best dump his body where no one can find it." I immediately felt myself get drawn to my feet. Jan's body was being carried away by the white-haired man, back where we came. I felt myself being forced to look at my captors face. Unendingly rotten, the odor of whisky rolling of his breath was, and the look on his face matched the smell perfectly. My eyes were blurry, so I saw little of the face, until the coarse hands shoved my eyes towards the direction of footsteps resounding on the cobblestones, echoing towards me. "Tell me boy. Do you have a reason to live?" I didn't reply, but looked up. The man was tall, in dark attire, and bald. The man looked virtually hairless, save a small patch below his lip. White, horn-rimmed glasses rested on the bridge of his nose. "I asked you a question, whelp." I once again did not reply. "Guess you don't then. Bind him." The threads that knotted my arms and legs behind me were rough, like ropes meant for ships, not for the skin of a human being. I felt my legs bump along the cobblestones, as the bald mans servants dragged my limp body behind him. Sand rushed into my shoes as we entered the beach area, and from my point of view I noticed a red line trailing after my body. My shoes were torn off, as the rocks of the jetty cut up my feet. I was dragged for what seemed like eternity. The pain in my shoulder began to subside, and I became more awake. I didn’t want to be though. Jan was dead. Why wasn't I? A small chuckle alerted me to the whereabouts of my capturer. The bells of an incoming vessel rang out in the distance. There was no light, save for the small hand lantern that the bald man held. "What a sad waste of life. However, you stole from me something of menial value, so Ill take the least valuable thing you have. Sadly for you, tis the only thing you have." I suddenly felt myself lifted into the air. I was thrown downwards, and hit the icy water, sending shocks into my body. I tried to move, but the ropes tied around my arms and legs restricted that. Also, during my daze, a large stone had been tied tightly to my rope, and was dragging me down into the abyss at an alarming rate. Never in my wildest dreams had I imagined death. I imagined living a life, happy, with Jan at my side forever. I imagined our child, growing tall and strong, or beautiful and smart. I imagined living in a nice house by the sea, sitting on the porch with a summer wind blowing in my face. Instead, I was surrounded on all sides by death. Cold. The only thing I felt now was cold. Fear was past me, having left with Jan’s life. I held my breath, but half heartedly. My heart wasn’t in it anymore. The fun was gone, so why live at all. The abyss began to swallow me, and I opened my eyes. I looked up through the salty water, and saw the moon. I sighed, and released my last breath. Opening my mouth, I mouthed an apology to the moon. Water flooded into my lungs. Burning sensations racked my body, sending it convulsing underwater. Every cell in my body screamed for air, but my mind registered none of their complaints. I was in pain on every spectrum. I felt my body slowly lose all feeling, and my eyes slowly began to close. The pain slowly went away. My eyes slowly closed. The moon slowly flickered out. ~ I floated above my body for a short time. I spiraled downwards towards the ocean floor, finally coming to a rest in the wreckage of an old abandoned ship. However, I felt nothing. I then floated; back up above the heads of the bald man and his servant. Not a word was exchanged. The bald man lit a smoke, and his servant began wiping away my blood from the rocks. I felt nothing. I then turned my gaze skywards, towards the moon, and again, floated. I floated forever upwards, towards the moon. Towards the end. Towards the beginning. ~ I was standing alone in a plain white room. There was nothing on any of the walls, nor the floors or ceilings. I was completely alone, save an elderly woman sitting alone at a desk in the far corner of the room. "Excuse me miss," I stuttered, "but where exactly am I?" "Congratulations," she replied, "you’re the nine billion six hundred eighty seven million four hundred and three thousand two hundred and eleventh person to ask me that. You’re in purgatory." "So. I'm dead?" "Congratulations," she replied, "youre the nine billion six hundred eighty seven million four hundred and three thousand two hundred and eleventh person to ask me that. Your dead kiddo. Please state your name and social security number." "My. . .what?"As I said this, the lady pulled an ancient tome thicker than any book that probably had ever existed. She rifled through it faster than anything I had ever seen. "Just kidding kid, jeez. You'd think you’d be a little less serious in the afterlife. Just your name please." "Oh. . .I'm sorry. I'm Vern." "Nice to meet you Vern. Full name please." "Oh. . .I’m Lavernius James Poloro." "Lets see. . .Sicily?" "I. . .I'm sorry?" "Place of residence. Sicily?" "Oh. . .no, I’m from - " "Dublin?" "No, from Eng -" "Timbuktu?" "England. From England." "Ah, I see here. Orphaned? Poor child. I never knew my mother either." "That's sad, I'm terribly sorry." "Well I wasn't exactly born, so it’s no big deal. Lets see here . . . cause of death, drowning, she muttered to herself, oh that’s no fun. Murder? What'd you do to deserve that?" "Well you see, I was poor, and hungry and. . . ." "And? And what?" "My friend Jan and I, we both were caught stealing . . . Wait! Jan! Did she come through here?" "Honey, I've had over nine billion people come through here, and you expect me to remember every single one? It's not an easy job. Here, take you key and be on your way." "My . . . key?" "Key. K. E. Y. Opens your door." "My door? There’s no door in this room." "Take the key," she said mystically. As I grabbed the key, the room began to dissolve around me, the woman's smile fading away. I looked around me suddenly, scared. The once white room was now completely empty, devoid of everything. It reminded me of the abyss of the sea, only without the pain, and without the cold. Suddenly, one by one, pale luminescent bricks began to appear, as if telling me to follow, which of course, I did. I walked, tirelessly, for what seemed like hours, perfectly straight, on this path. I thought of nothing. Slowly, all my memories began to fade. I remembered them, but they weren't crystalline anymore. The blurred glass pictures covered my mind instead. All but the memories of my death. I walked for a day, and could barely remember the details of anything but my death. I walked and walked, never tiring, never stopping. Finally, when all my memories were close to nothing, with the exception of my death, which still resounded like a radiant star in the heavens, I arrived at a massive white door, that appeared suddenly out of the darkness. Massive locks covered the entirety of the door, none of which had keyholes. I took the key that the lady gave me from my pocket, and stared at it. It was a plain white key, one that would normally go on a key ring at an old prison. I stared at it some more, but for some strange reason, the key would not speak to me. I stared some more, and couldn’t find a way to fit the key into a door without key holes. I became angry. In my rage, I through the only possession I had, a small white key, directly at the massive white door in front of me. Instead of colliding with the wall and recoiling back towards me, the key passed through the door, sending ripples through the metal work. One by one, all twelve of the massive locks slowly came unlocked and fell with a crash to the floor. The doors swung inwards, revealing a massive sand dune, with swirling sand winds rising above it. I didn't think twice. I don't think I thought at all. I walked forwards.
__________________
Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#9 |
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Genin Elite
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: With Chibi Shika Fangirl
Posts: 497
Rep Power: 0 ![]() |
the rest of the chapter is very good
__________________
/l/l/l
(^-^) My sword will eat your chakura!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Kisame " OH YEAH!!!!" - The Kool-Aid Man I adopted Chibi Kisame My Awesome Girlfriend: Chibi Shika Fangirl You are the most amazing person ever, I will love you forever |
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#10 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Grazi
I'm editing chapter 2 now Fished 3 and 4 yesterday, but toooooo lazy to edit them tonight.
__________________
Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#11 |
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Genin Elite
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: With Chibi Shika Fangirl
Posts: 497
Rep Power: 0 ![]() |
cool.
__________________
/l/l/l
(^-^) My sword will eat your chakura!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Kisame " OH YEAH!!!!" - The Kool-Aid Man I adopted Chibi Kisame My Awesome Girlfriend: Chibi Shika Fangirl You are the most amazing person ever, I will love you forever |
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#12 | |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Halloween Town. o.o
Posts: 2,039
Rep Power: 8 ![]() |
Quote:
Probably not is my guess though.
__________________
Sorry guys, but (if you have not long since forgotten about me) I will not be coming back. Bye!
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#13 |
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Lord of Darkness
Vault Disciple Join Date: May 2009
Location: Trying to fix the emptiness within me
Posts: 23,137
Rep Power: 18 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
nice story man keep it up
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To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. |
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#14 |
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Genin Elite
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: With Chibi Shika Fangirl
Posts: 497
Rep Power: 0 ![]() |
They probably wont the story is probably about his search for Jan
__________________
/l/l/l
(^-^) My sword will eat your chakura!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Kisame " OH YEAH!!!!" - The Kool-Aid Man I adopted Chibi Kisame My Awesome Girlfriend: Chibi Shika Fangirl You are the most amazing person ever, I will love you forever |
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#15 | |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
Quote:
Maybe not in the way you may have liked. Grazi Jerm! Among other things
__________________
Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#16 |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Sangue Castle
Posts: 30,320
Rep Power: 16 ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() ![]() |
You know I love this story Killy. I want to read more
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Espada Hally Leader and Queen of the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Leader of the To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. Spoiler:
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#17 | |
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Special Jonin Candidate
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Halloween Town. o.o
Posts: 2,039
Rep Power: 8 ![]() |
Quote:
That's what I was thinking too.
__________________
Sorry guys, but (if you have not long since forgotten about me) I will not be coming back. Bye!
Last edited by Chibi Shika Fangirl; 01-30-2010 at 07:14 PM. |
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#18 |
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Sage of Raw Honey
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Inside your television!
Posts: 2,702
Rep Power: 8 ![]() ![]() ![]() |
: )
title!
__________________
Spoiler:
Teddie isn't here anymore. Goodbye. |
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#19 |
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Genin Elite
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: With Chibi Shika Fangirl
Posts: 497
Rep Power: 0 ![]() |
[QUOTE=Chibi Shika Fangirl;2352998]I just want 'em to be together forever. ><
Just like us^.^
__________________
/l/l/l
(^-^) My sword will eat your chakura!! /_!_\ Put this on your siggy if you love Kisame " OH YEAH!!!!" - The Kool-Aid Man I adopted Chibi Kisame My Awesome Girlfriend: Chibi Shika Fangirl You are the most amazing person ever, I will love you forever |
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#20 |
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Genin
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Somewhere over that gosh darn rainbow.
Posts: 229
Rep Power: 9 ![]() |
This story is really good =)
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"And I'm taking all your memories off the shelf, 'Cause I don't need you or anybody else." |
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