|Fan Fiction, Art, Stories For sharing and getting input on anything you create within the forum rules. Doesn't necessarily have to be 'fan'work either. Original creative works fit just the same. Poetry and song lyrics, while not included, are also okay. Just remember the forum rules.|
|08-05-2011, 02:14 PM||#1|
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 90Rep Power: 0
my new fanfic
so here i go.
ik its kinda weird but im not gonna do the first chapter first. so just read this half and tell me what you think.
hahaha! that's the ikki i know! said kai.
your all stupid! just die! shouted diske.
yeah right! you die you bastard! shouted kai.
damn it....wheres rin!? said agito.
gyaaaaaaaaaa! over here! said Mary.
rin! said agito.
gu-guys! shouted rin.
ow! whats up with this transformation hes getting realy unstable...wait....sharingan! said kai
what are ya doin?! dont just stand there!.shouted diske.
oh crap! said kai
im gonna stomp your brains out! yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!
damn it ikki hurry up! said kai.
dont you dare touch him!
aaaaaaaaaaaaah my foot!
whoah! ikki you did it! said kai.
phew thanks! said rin
no problem.....said ikki.
we gotta g....stop right there! shouted diske.
feel any different bro? asked kai.
no.... not realy...this is more like an updated shinigami form with a tattoo and black hair.said ikki.
dumb....ass....your hair is naturally black....said kai.
oh realy? maybe i'll dye it brown said ikki.
hmm tht could work for you said kai.
you think?said ikki.
stop talking.....and let me kill you! shouted diske.
(in the nightmare relm)
from chapter 15.... if i get good reviews i'll write starting from chapter 1
DAMN IT TOGURO IM GONNA KICK YOUR ASS!
DAMN IT KUWABARA!
|08-17-2011, 05:39 AM||#2|
Release the Kraken!
Join Date: Jun 2010
Location: In a very deep and dark place.
Posts: 14,418Rep Power: 34
Re: my new fanfic
This looks more like a script for a short video to be honest.
To give you some advice, try to make longer lines and put more info in it.
What you just made was simply too flat/short.
''Haha, that's the Ikki I know!'' said Kai while he put a smile on his face. ''You're all stupid! Just die!'' shouted Diske who was unpleased about this scene and looked away extremely disappointed.
That way it's easier to read emotions. The reader can imagine what's going on.
I'm not the best writer myself, but I hope you can do somethin with this information!
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
|Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)|