A whole slew of funny CRAAP

Hando Craap · 03-06-2013, 10:30 AM

1. A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write."

2. A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...."

3. Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!"

4. Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a craap real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a craap in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, "Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?"

5. Three men walked by a strip bar and decide to walk in.They walk to the stage where a woman is dancing, the first guy licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on one side of her butt. The next guy also, licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the other side of her butt. The third guy walks up takes out a credit card swipes it through her butt and takes the 200 dollars.

6. Signs that you are too drunk would be... You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in..

Kakashi Hatake_Yamato · 03-06-2013, 12:13 PM

Heheh. Losing an argument with an inanimate object.

Hando Craap · 03-06-2013, 12:57 PM

I have done that sober...lol.
Overall I really can't pick a favorite, they are all too funny.

Hando Craap · 03-10-2013, 05:10 PM

Wow...only 1 person has dropped by to read these.
I must not be as funny as I thought I was

konoha chimp · 03-10-2013, 05:14 PM

xD 'just tell us where it is'

ObitoUchiha · 03-10-2013, 06:51 PM

I'd only heard the first one. Heh. I like them all... I wish I knew a bunch of funny stuff like that that you haven't said... Hm.

Kakashi Hatake_Yamato · 03-10-2013, 11:05 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Hando Craap

Wow...only 1 person has dropped by to read these.
I must not be as funny as I thought I was

Those inconsiderate jerks.

Hando Craap · 03-11-2013, 01:40 PM

Ok count them
3...3 ninja's visiting mah thread
MWAaH,HAHA

Jakropha · 03-11-2013, 03:48 PM

I loved 1-5

I especially loved #5

Ironscout4 · 03-11-2013, 03:56 PM

they are pretty funny

03-06-2013, 10:30 AM	#1
Hando Craap Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Village Hidden Under the Pebble (it's a small village) Posts: 2,097 Rep Power: 12 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 Total Points: 4	A whole slew of funny CRAAP 1. A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow's final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member's death. One smart ass, male student said, "What about extreme sexual exhaustion?", and the whole classroom burst into laughter. After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, "Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write." 2. A young boy and his father were in a store when they walked past a rack of condoms. Being a curious young lad, the boy asked his father, "What are these things daddy?" His dad said, "Condoms son." The boy asked, "Why do they come in packs of 1,3, and 12?" The dad replied, "The packs with one are for the high school boys, one for Saturday night, the ones with three are for the college boys, one for Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and the ones with twelve in them are for the married men, one for January, one for February, one for March...." 3. Two old people, a man and a woman, walk into a hospital. The doctor says to the old man, "I'll need a urine sample, a feces sample, and a blood sample." The old man says, "What?" So the doctor says it again. Once again the old man says, "what?" So the doctor yells it, "I NEED A URINE SAMPLE, A FECES SAMPLE, AND A BLOOD SAMPLE!" With that the old woman turns to the old man and says, "He needs a pair of your underwear!" 4. Burford is checking out of a hotel when suddenly he has to take a craap real bad. The toilet in his room isn't working, so he bolts down to use the lobby Men's Room, but all of the stalls are occupied, so he runs back up to his room, and in desperation, he drops his pants, uproots a plant, and takes a craap in the pot. Then he puts the plant back in the pot and leaves. Two weeks later, he gets a postcard from the hotel that says, "Dear Mr. Burford... All is forgiven. Just tell us...where it is?" 5. Three men walked by a strip bar and decide to walk in.They walk to the stage where a woman is dancing, the first guy licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on one side of her butt. The next guy also, licks a 100 dollar bill and slaps it on the other side of her butt. The third guy walks up takes out a credit card swipes it through her butt and takes the 200 dollars. 6. Signs that you are too drunk would be... You lose arguments with inanimate objects. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the earth. Job interfering with your drinking. Your doctor finds traces of blood in your alcohol stream. Career won't progress beyond Senator of Massachusetts. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat. Sincerely believe alcohol to be the elusive 5th food group. 24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case - coincidence?? - I think not! Two hands and just one mouth... - now THAT'S a drinking problem! You can focus better with one eye closed. The parking lot seems to have moved while you were in the bar. Your twin sons are named Barley and Hops. Hey, 5 beers has just as many calories as a burger, screw dinner! Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you. At AA meetings you begin: "Hi, my name is... uh..." Your idea of cutting back is less salt. You wake up in the bedroom, your underwear is in the bathroom, you fell asleep clothed. - hmmm. The whole bar says 'Hi' when you come in.. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force. There is no Force,there is only Giggity-Goo

03-06-2013, 12:57 PM	#3
Hando Craap Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Village Hidden Under the Pebble (it's a small village) Posts: 2,097 Rep Power: 12 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 Total Points: 4	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP I have done that sober...lol. Overall I really can't pick a favorite, they are all too funny. __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force. There is no Force,there is only Giggity-Goo

03-10-2013, 05:10 PM	#4
Hando Craap Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Village Hidden Under the Pebble (it's a small village) Posts: 2,097 Rep Power: 12 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 Total Points: 4	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP Wow...only 1 person has dropped by to read these. I must not be as funny as I thought I was __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force. There is no Force,there is only Giggity-Goo

03-11-2013, 01:40 PM	#8
Hando Craap Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Village Hidden Under the Pebble (it's a small village) Posts: 2,097 Rep Power: 12 Awards Showcase Total Awards: 1 Total Points: 4	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP Ok count them 3...3 ninja's visiting mah thread MWAaH,HAHA __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts. There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force. There is no Force,there is only Giggity-Goo

03-11-2013, 03:48 PM	#9
Jakropha Your Lord Zetsoom Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Geilinor, amassing many geepees Posts: 7,730 Rep Power: 25 Member's Picture Albums	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP I loved 1-5 I especially loved #5 __________________ To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

03-10-2013, 05:14 PM	#5
konoha chimp Special Jonin Candidate Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: In the Trees Posts: 3,214 Rep Power: 8	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP xD 'just tell us where it is' __________________ The explosion of youth!!!! Just Call Me Tree-o-ChamPion Hoe☘ -JAFL ScrappY Approves! A genius, huh? What does that mean? "Genius"? So I was not born with a whole lot of natural talent, not gifted like Neji ...but I work hard and I never give up! That is my gift, that is my ninja way!- Lee

03-11-2013, 03:56 PM	#10
Ironscout4 Chunin Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: somewhere?????? Posts: 923 Rep Power: 2	Re: A whole slew of funny CRAAP they are pretty funny __________________ WAR WAR NEVER CHANGES quote fallout To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

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