POST HERE to have YOUR Midlife Crisis Foretold! Zero Down Payment Until January 2012!

[mrsticky005]

Want to know how it all comes crashing down?

Of course you do! You're morbidly curious and have a wanton lack of self control. So post below* and I'll let you know how it goes: TERRIBLY.

*Woosters need not apply. We already know you had your midlife crisis**

** Twice.

[Kakashi Hatake_Yamato]

I am morbidly curious.

[Shikamaru Nara]

It's January 2013.

[joon61]

...................................oooook.

[ObitoUchiha]

@Shika: Thats the joke.

Also, fine. How will I be?

[mrsticky005]

Originally Posted by Kakashi Hatake_Yamato

I am morbidly curious.

Indeed you are. Here is your misfortune.

You wake up one morning to the sound of a leaky faucet.
But just a moment later you get a phone call from a friend.
Free tickets to the nearest comic-con and hotel reservations.
You're not going to pass up an opportunity like this so you go.
You have the time of your life and meet all your favorite mangaka,
voice actors and actresses, and several fancy cosplayers.
One of which is stunningly handsome Yamato cosplayers named Yars.
It is love at first sight. It is not long afterwards that fateful day
that you get married and have 27 children all named "Graphbite"
within a span of seven years. Your husband Yars works at a
lumberyard and you run your own daycare center. You live
in a rather large house that Lars and his friends built from scratch.
You just sorta stood around for emotional support...Though
concrete works better. Life is grand and it seems as if nothing
could go wrong. That is until one rather unkempt child in your
daycare comes in with a female African Hissing Termite stuck
to his clothing which he found from a dumpster. You try to
get rid of the termite but it quickly runs off. After much
fussing around you eventually find it and kill it but it is too late.
It has already given birth to more termites. You don't realize
this until much later as you didn't know anything about
African Hissing Termites. Because of the termite infestation
the house becomes structurally unstable and a wooden beam
nearly falls on Little Francis Southofengland. Parents decide
that it is no longer safe to take their children to your termite
infested day care and social services decides you to be
an unfit mother. You become an absolute wreck and Yars
decides to spend more and more time at the lumberyard.
Eventually you never see Yars again. Nor hear from him.
Finally after several years of you becoming old and decrepit
and are talking to the termites as if they were your friends
you finally get a letter in the mail. Is it from your long lost love Yars?
Is it from one of your beloved 27 children? Who could it possibly be?
Turns out it's a water bill and more. You forgot to turn off your leaky faucet and have thus caused serious structural damage to your
previous abode. Your house is repossessed leaving you wandering the streets. Forever.

Originally Posted by Shikamaru Nara

It's January 2013.

After a few drinks your friends convince you to try out
Stand Up Comedy. You reluctantly agree. You try it out
and well long story short you're a flop. But before you
cry your eyes out you bump into the one, the only
The Don King. Don King is incredibly drunk and thinks
you are Mike Tyson and tells you "Go for the ear."
This somehow inspires you and you study comedy like crazy.
You try out again. You become a national sensation.
You're soon sponsored by Yoplait and get your own tv show.
It breaks all kinds of records. At the height of your career
you have a packed house at the Metropolitian Opera House.
Unwittingly you offend one lone Amish man in the audience.
Several days later you are kidnapped by a horse and buggy.
Never to be seen again.

Originally Posted by joon61

...................................oooook.

Pigeons peck out your eyes. And that is the highlight of your life.

Originally Posted by ObitoUchiha

@Shika: Thats the joke.

Also, fine. How will I be?

You join the police force academy and are training
with Police Chief Hanker and fellow trainees Kat Kikashi and Rinana.
There's a love triangle between you and Kit and Rinana and it
reminds you of something. When suddenly The Soviet Union
attacks the police academy. Kit Kikashi goes blind and
out of nowhere a giant boulder falls on you. Completely
delirious you say "Don't worry. I'll just phase away my
body and learn the secrets of my clan from my ancestor."
Given a boulder has fallen on you, you of course die
but not before wondering where you heard this story before
but you sadly never figure it out. Believe it.

[The Second Pornkage]

How could this happen to me? Wait, that's the question to ask later. The question is, how could WHAT happen to me?

[Azal]

Tell me my crisis.

[Bacon]

Lemme know stickman

[Ino's Girl]

/Posts o.o

[Leafy]

And the winner for most original goes to...mrsticky!

[Shikamaru Nara]

My demise was excellent.

[The Second Pornkage]

I should've gotten that promotion! I was the 23rd post! Why, I never *long old man rant*

[Kakashi Hatake_Yamato]

Well, at least I was happy for a while.

[mrsticky005]

Originally Posted by The Second Pornkage

How could this happen to me? Wait, that's the question to ask later. The question is, how could WHAT happen to me?

I'll tell you exactly what happened and how:

To understand The Rise and Decline of The Second Pornkage
we must travel back in time to THE LAND BEFORE PORN.

Yes, there was once such a land in which porn did not exist.
Nor was there fan service. There was however windmills.
However windmills seldom satisfy the libido of the human species.
Human sexuality I'm afraid had yet to be invented.

You might be wondering. How then were babies born?
What a silly question. They come from a stork.
But alas NOT as a gift. No. No! NO!!
These babies were a valuable commodity.
$50000000000000000000000000000 a pop!
Babies were expensive because of they were highly skilled workers.
However over time the storks start selling lower quality babies.
These babies were lazier and cried more but since the
storks had no competition they had a complete monopoly.
Nothing could be done to stop these Rockafellas

Nothing until one brilliant man came along:

The FIRST Pornkage

Using only tinsel, WD-30 (it was cheaper) and Hippo Silk
Human Sexuality was invented and it was a lot cheaper
so much so that it put the Storks completely out of business.
Now there was a new baby maker in town.
And all the towns folk shouted with glee.

But not everyone was so pleased.
The Mayor of the town who had been
bought by Stork Dollars knew his time would
end with the Storks gone. Unless...He got rid of a certain someone.
That would be The First Pornkage in case I have to explain.

The First Pornkage received a letter that read:
Come alone to Death Mountain at 13:00 on Friday the 13th.
Do not tell anyone you are coming. Be sure to bring a large
trash bag. Particularly one that can fit a human corpse.
Murderously Yours,
No one in Particular

So the First Pornkage thought "Seems safe enough" and went.
It was a foggy day and the only eye witness who's name
is to be unnamed as so to protect the innocent had this to say

'Alloa mah name's Bacon y'hur an days sawz dat poh
First Barnkage... First Polkakage First Porn Coccoa??
What ev' da name is. 'Eh t'was drupped offs the cliffeses."

But by whom!?

Wells if ye lemma foonish my letter I'd tullya it was

THE SECOND PORNKAGE

And so from that day The Second Pornkage ruled
the Kingdom of Naughty Naughty Land
and there was a great shadow of despair.

Several years later

The Second Pornkage visits Death Mountain

"Now that I have the world in the palm of my hand
I have you to thank. Yes, you, First Pornkage."

"In that case YOUR WELCOME! Punch!!!" Said the First Pornkage

but how could you be alive said the second Pornkage

"You forgot your quote marks" the first pornkage said

"My bad" said The Second Pornkage "But why did you say Punch?"

And then The Second Pornkage was defeated in one blow.

And The First Pornkage wept. For he had killed his only student.

[Godaime Kazekage]

What if you're already having your crisis?

[joon61]

Originally Posted by mrsticky005

Indeed you are. Here is your misfortune.

You wake up one morning to the sound of a leaky faucet.
But just a moment later you get a phone call from a friend.
Free tickets to the nearest comic-con and hotel reservations.
You're not going to pass up an opportunity like this so you go.
You have the time of your life and meet all your favorite mangaka,
voice actors and actresses, and several fancy cosplayers.
One of which is stunningly handsome Yamato cosplayers named Yars.
It is love at first sight. It is not long afterwards that fateful day
that you get married and have 27 children all named "Graphbite"
within a span of seven years. Your husband Yars works at a
lumberyard and you run your own daycare center. You live
in a rather large house that Lars and his friends built from scratch.
You just sorta stood around for emotional support...Though
concrete works better. Life is grand and it seems as if nothing
could go wrong. That is until one rather unkempt child in your
daycare comes in with a female African Hissing Termite stuck
to his clothing which he found from a dumpster. You try to
get rid of the termite but it quickly runs off. After much
fussing around you eventually find it and kill it but it is too late.
It has already given birth to more termites. You don't realize
this until much later as you didn't know anything about
African Hissing Termites. Because of the termite infestation
the house becomes structurally unstable and a wooden beam
nearly falls on Little Francis Southofengland. Parents decide
that it is no longer safe to take their children to your termite
infested day care and social services decides you to be
an unfit mother. You become an absolute wreck and Yars
decides to spend more and more time at the lumberyard.
Eventually you never see Yars again. Nor hear from him.
Finally after several years of you becoming old and decrepit
and are talking to the termites as if they were your friends
you finally get a letter in the mail. Is it from your long lost love Yars?
Is it from one of your beloved 27 children? Who could it possibly be?
Turns out it's a water bill and more. You forgot to turn off your leaky faucet and have thus caused serious structural damage to your
previous abode. Your house is repossessed leaving you wandering the streets. Forever.



After a few drinks your friends convince you to try out
Stand Up Comedy. You reluctantly agree. You try it out
and well long story short you're a flop. But before you
cry your eyes out you bump into the one, the only
The Don King. Don King is incredibly drunk and thinks
you are Mike Tyson and tells you "Go for the ear."
This somehow inspires you and you study comedy like crazy.
You try out again. You become a national sensation.
You're soon sponsored by Yoplait and get your own tv show.
It breaks all kinds of records. At the height of your career
you have a packed house at the Metropolitian Opera House.
Unwittingly you offend one lone Amish man in the audience.
Several days later you are kidnapped by a horse and buggy.
Never to be seen again.




Pigeons peck out your eyes. And that is the highlight of your life.




You join the police force academy and are training
with Police Chief Hanker and fellow trainees Kat Kikashi and Rinana.
There's a love triangle between you and Kit and Rinana and it
reminds you of something. When suddenly The Soviet Union
attacks the police academy. Kit Kikashi goes blind and
out of nowhere a giant boulder falls on you. Completely
delirious you say "Don't worry. I'll just phase away my
body and learn the secrets of my clan from my ancestor."
Given a boulder has fallen on you, you of course die
but not before wondering where you heard this story before
but you sadly never figure it out. Believe it.

Translation:I don't know you.

[Bacon]

OMG LAND BEFORE PORN.xD

[mrsticky005]

Originally Posted by Godaime Kazekage

What if you're already having your crisis?

You get two for the price of one!

Originally Posted by joon61

Translation:I don't know you.

I don't need to.

Originally Posted by Azal

Tell me my crisis.

I shall. Your crisis begins the day you get married to your future
girlfriend. The night before your wedding you clumsily lose the
ring. You search everywhere for it and finally find it at a
pawn shop. The pawn shop owner has an eye patch
and 3 gold teeth--meaning JUST 3 gold teeth and iron hook
for an arm. The pawn shop owner knows what you want
and says "Arrhhhh ye be looking for this trayshore."
You spy the ring in his grubby little paw---his other
hand was replaced with a grubby little paw. It's rather silly.
You say "That's mine!" But he replies "Finder's Keepers."
You argue but he won't budge. You need that ring and so you ask
"How much". The pawn shop owner grins and says "Your soul".
You agree because it's not like he can ACTUALLY take your soul.
He's just some crazy drunk. So you get the ring and get married.
But every night you think you hear the laughing of that
crazy drunk coming to take your soul. It's just the wind
you tell yourself each time. This goes on for seven years.
Finally you can't take it anymore. You hear the crazy drunk
and yell "Stop this madness. If you want my soul then take it!!"
This of course wakes up your wife who asks what the matter
with you is. You try to explain how you hear the crazy drunk
every night. "Well duh" your wife explains "the crazy drunk
is my grandpa. He lives downstairs in his Pawn Shop."
"Oh." You reply "I guess that makes sense".
You go to sleep. The mystery has been solved.
The next morning you slip in the bath tub and
go into a coma for the rest of your life.
Meanwhile your wife has to pay for your medical bills
by scraping roadkill of the streets for the rest of her life.
Eventually she gets typhoid fever.

Originally Posted by Ino's Girl

/Posts o.o

Your crisis is being married to Azal

Originally Posted by Bacon

Lemme know stickman

Your crisis is being delicious and high in cholesterol .

[Rouge Uchiha18]

Um... 0.o