Naruto Shippuden

Naruto Discussion Forum
Who should win? Be sure to nominate who will reign supreme for this month's Member of the Month!

Go Back   Naruto Discussion Forum > The Great Off-Topica > General Contests

General Contests Wanna compete against your fellow forum members for special awards? Do you wanna set up and run your own contest?!

View Poll Results: Which one has the best story?
Cloukora 7 26.92%
LilHinataGirl 8 30.77%
joon61 3 11.54%
trouble88 4 15.38%
pokeruto 4 15.38%
Voters: 26. You may not vote on this poll

Closed Thread
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-16-2012, 08:11 PM   #21
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maikeru D. Shinigami View Post
LilHinataGirl: You have an interesting story, I will say that now. However, the way you present the story makes it sort of confusing. Not because of the story itself but the way you structure your sentences and paragraphs. There were times were I had to reread to figure out what was happening to who, who was doing what or who was saying what. I understood it in the end, but it could be improved. One thing I would recommend is to separate your paragraphs so that only one person says something in each paragraph. I would also recommend that when you have more than two people in a scene that you call them by their names instead of 'he' or 'she'. You didn't really get enough time to have the characters sink home for me, but it could be an interesting story and I like the set up for the next chapter.
Thanks man Ill take your advice I know I'm good but I'm not that good where I can compare to talented authors I read a lot... Instead of just sitting there you expressed what you felt on my story and I like that so I think I will practice more. (:
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-16-2012, 08:32 PM   #22
Maikeru D. Shinigami
Super High School Level Narcissist
Quasi-Admin
 
Maikeru D. Shinigami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Funhouse
Posts: 44,848
Rep Power: 55
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via MSN to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via Yahoo to Maikeru D. Shinigami
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

No problem.

trouble: You have some similar flaws that the first two had. Your sentence structure was a bit off, making it a little difficult to understand who was saying what and what was going on. Like with LHG's story though, I was able to understand it. I liked the rivalry you set up between you and Jaffle as well as the fact that you actually made your enemy kind of powerful. On the downside, your story suffers too much from Pokemonitis. I like that you made a Pokemon fanfic, but I would have liked to see you really put your own spin on it. I felt like I was reading Ash going on one of his normal journeys with a different name.
__________________
"The closer you get to the light, the darker your shadow becomes."

YouTube:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
src="
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">
Maikeru D. Shinigami is offline  
Old 10-16-2012, 08:45 PM   #23
Cloukora
Special Jonin Candidate
 
Cloukora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In Kalos catching Pokemon
Posts: 8,048
Rep Power: 21
Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.
Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maikeru D. Shinigami View Post
Cloukora: The battle itself was good, but other parts of your story irked me. There were a couple spots where you used run on sentences or mixed up past and present tense. The final battle, while interesting, was sort of anti-climatic. The idea of fighting those four was interesting, but they all seemed to be defeated too easily. I was however interested that you let Sakairith get the final kill. One thing I want to ask though, what was the plot? I know there were zombies and trying to take over the Earth, but it still felt like it could have used more.
Yeah, I kinda rushed it like most people here lol. I imagined the fights much more intense and fast paced, but it was just hard to put into actual writing, I'm not that good yet. I should have been more clear on the plot line, but it was basically the four enemies trying to take over the world (Superhero cliche FTW!) and Cloukora and Sakairith trying to stop them. If I could include more characters I think the plot could have been better. But that's no excuse to write a sucky plot lol.

I read through the other stories, and I enjoyed reading all of them. I couldn't finish joon's because it was too long xD

Trouble: I liked the story and I honestly was surprised at how well it was written, you write the opposite when you're chatting. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, but I think how good the story was written triumphs that. But of course that doesn't mean to not fix them! I thought the end was weird how she left Kyurem behind like that to find more powerful pokemon, cause it took 4 of her own to defeat it. I also thought it was interesting how you made the main character lose in the battle with Jaffle, that doesn't happen most of the time.

joon: Dude, your story is really interesting, but I'm sorry it's kinda hard to understand. I get who's talking somewhat, but having an "I" perspective for one character then switching to another character makes it hard to follow. If I have time, I'll continue reading, but from what I read so far, that seems like the biggest issue.

pokeruto: I loved it. That's all I have to say on it. You created a whole new world and I love stories like that.
__________________
POOL WAS HERE. DEAL WITH IT.

Cloukora was here.
Fight back against bullies! Go down on your feet, not your knees!

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thunder Buddy: Pool
Friends: Tifa Legacy, Ino's Girl, deadtaka, Sagemaster, Apa, Sai's Brother, Taker, The Shady Ninja, Shayd, Kanisawa,Vino, Hikari-Chan, Leaf, Ninja Pink, and many more
[/LEFT]
Cloukora is offline  
Old 10-16-2012, 08:48 PM   #24
Maikeru D. Shinigami
Super High School Level Narcissist
Quasi-Admin
 
Maikeru D. Shinigami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Funhouse
Posts: 44,848
Rep Power: 55
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via MSN to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via Yahoo to Maikeru D. Shinigami
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

At least you can understand where I was coming from them. It just seems weird to see those four badass villains defeated so easily.


Right now, I'm leaning toward LHG's story because its originality, but I have to read pokeruto's still.
__________________
"The closer you get to the light, the darker your shadow becomes."

YouTube:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
src="
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">
Maikeru D. Shinigami is offline  
Old 10-17-2012, 05:01 AM   #25
mrsticky005
 
mrsticky005's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: In the White Text House
Posts: 14,109
Rep Power: 27
mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.
mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.mrsticky005 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

what is the due date for voting?
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.


Spam once and the forum will be annoyed.
Spam twice and warnings will be deployed
Spam thrice and a infraction you will receive
Spam 8,984 times and a FAIL Agent you''ll soon be.

...At least in my case.
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
mrsticky005 is offline  
Old 10-17-2012, 07:41 AM   #26
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Yeah I am curious when the due date for the voting
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-17-2012, 10:48 AM   #27
Maruko
Special Jonin Candidate
 
Maruko's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2011
Posts: 17,419
Rep Power: 61
Maruko --after fourteen consecutive terms as Kage of the forums--has at last decided to step down and become one with the universe. AFKMaruko --after fourteen consecutive terms as Kage of the forums--has at last decided to step down and become one with the universe. AFK
Maruko --after fourteen consecutive terms as Kage of the forums--has at last decided to step down and become one with the universe. AFKMaruko --after fourteen consecutive terms as Kage of the forums--has at last decided to step down and become one with the universe. AFK

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

I really like Clou's. He gets my vote.
I actually thought about posting a short story I wrote, but you wouldn't understand it because it's in Serbian, and I can't speak English very well to translate it. :/
Maruko is offline  
Old 10-17-2012, 11:31 AM   #28
Naruto321
Super-Duper Mod
Moderator
 
Naruto321's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Queens, New York
Posts: 8,344
Rep Power: 23
Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.
Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to Naruto321 Send a message via Skype™ to Naruto321
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by mrsticky005 View Post
what is the due date for voting?
Quote:
Originally Posted by LilHinataGirl View Post
Yeah I am curious when the due date for the voting
Well the poll started on October 14th. So it will end on November 14th
__________________
Quote:
Bishes be doing Naruto321's dishes.
Fo sho.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Naruto321 is offline  
Old 10-17-2012, 04:38 PM   #29
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Ahhh that's awesome! Good luck to my competitors~! ...

Btw to people who liked the first part on my story I have actually started part 2 and will be posting it soon so please be patient (;
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-17-2012, 06:24 PM   #30
pokeruto
Chunin Exam Participant
 
pokeruto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 712
Rep Power: 11
pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cloukora View Post

pokeruto: I loved it. That's all I have to say on it. You created a whole new world and I love stories like that.
Thanks Clou, I appreciate it !

So there's still a little less than a month left. I love that there's a lot of time for people to check out the contest and read all the stories.....but this wait is making me so impatient!

Must. Just. Stop. Thinking about it.

And I'll be sure to read that part 2, LHG.
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
pokeruto is offline  
Old 10-17-2012, 06:29 PM   #31
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Thanks poke
Ima do a seperate thread and post my whole story on it (well book one anyway)
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-18-2012, 01:14 AM   #32
gaara lover 24
Chunin Exam Participant
 
gaara lover 24's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2012
Location: anywhere with gaara
Posts: 555
Rep Power: 4
gaara lover 24 is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.gaara lover 24 is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.gaara lover 24 is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.gaara lover 24 is far along on the distinguished path of a ninja.
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

umm..guys where can i read ur stories???i wanna read everyonez..
__________________
you may not have a happy begining bt that doesnt mean u cnt have a happy ending.
ur begining doesnt make u who u are.itz who u chose to be now
believe it



you are bound to protect something that is precious to you

PROUD TO BE A MUSLIM



love gaara
gaara lover 24 is offline  
Old 10-18-2012, 04:00 AM   #33
Naruto321
Super-Duper Mod
Moderator
 
Naruto321's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Queens, New York
Posts: 8,344
Rep Power: 23
Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.
Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Naruto321 is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to Naruto321 Send a message via Skype™ to Naruto321
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by gaara lover 24 View Post
umm..guys where can i read ur stories???i wanna read everyonez..
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost...22&postcount=1
__________________
Quote:
Bishes be doing Naruto321's dishes.
Fo sho.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Naruto321 is offline  
Old 10-18-2012, 01:20 PM   #34
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

What he said lol xD^
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-24-2012, 05:19 PM   #35
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

It feels like this need to be brought back to life
Just a sayin lol
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-24-2012, 05:23 PM   #36
trouble88
Making It Duoble
Special Hunter Ninja
WS-Genin
 
trouble88's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: playing pokemonxy with KazekageGaara and Fluttershy
Posts: 26,576
Rep Power: 22
trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.trouble88 is one of the most respected ninja in  the village.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to trouble88 Send a message via MSN to trouble88 Send a message via Skype™ to trouble88
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

no no please none need see my bad story hinata
__________________
KazekageGaara x Trouble forever 10/5/10

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
You stole my heart from the day we met^////^
Forum frist buddies: JAFL,KU
Member of the Forum ANBU PM me for help

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
trouble88 is offline  
Old 10-24-2012, 08:37 PM   #37
LilHinataGirl
Special Jonin Candidate
 
LilHinataGirl's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Tormenting Bacon
Posts: 11,972
Rep Power: 38
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.LilHinataGirl is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Yahoo to LilHinataGirl Send a message via Skype™ to LilHinataGirl
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Your story isn't bad :3
__________________


To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LHG



To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

LilHinataGirl is online now  
Old 10-24-2012, 09:16 PM   #38
Maikeru D. Shinigami
Super High School Level Narcissist
Quasi-Admin
 
Maikeru D. Shinigami's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Funhouse
Posts: 44,848
Rep Power: 55
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.
Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.Maikeru D. Shinigami is the subject of legends and tales that shall be passed on for generations to come.

Awards Showcase

Send a message via AIM to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via MSN to Maikeru D. Shinigami Send a message via Yahoo to Maikeru D. Shinigami
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

pokeruto: Finally read your story. It was pretty interesting, one thing I will say though is that the plot was kind of cliche. The whole thing with good and evil and the main characters basically all focused on peace and protecting friends. It was nice to see characters personalities differ and they were pretty good. I just would have liked their resolve to be more than just looking for peace. It was good, but the ending was kind of either anti-climatic or a cliffhanger. In which case, I can't give you my full opinion without the final chapter. If that was the end though, then I feel the ending messes up the story. One more thing I will say is that the way you wrote was kind of bunched up which left me confused and needing to reread in a couple spots.



Anyways, I have to go with LilHinataGirl because I felt she had the most original writing. She kept the story interesting and gave some cool characters. I'd actually like to read further with hers. Actually, I'd like to see more of trouble's too, even if it wasn't very original.
__________________
"The closer you get to the light, the darker your shadow becomes."

YouTube:
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
src="
To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
type="application/x-shockwave-flash" width="425" height="350">
Maikeru D. Shinigami is offline  
Old 10-25-2012, 06:37 PM   #39
pokeruto
Chunin Exam Participant
 
pokeruto's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Earth
Posts: 712
Rep Power: 11
pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!pokeruto has completed a tough C-rank mission!
Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

Quote:
Originally Posted by Maikeru D. Shinigami View Post
pokeruto: Finally read your story. It was pretty interesting, one thing I will say though is that the plot was kind of cliche. The whole thing with good and evil and the main characters basically all focused on peace and protecting friends. It was nice to see characters personalities differ and they were pretty good. I just would have liked their resolve to be more than just looking for peace. It was good, but the ending was kind of either anti-climatic or a cliffhanger. In which case, I can't give you my full opinion without the final chapter. If that was the end though, then I feel the ending messes up the story. One more thing I will say is that the way you wrote was kind of bunched up which left me confused and needing to reread in a couple spots.



Anyways, I have to go with LilHinataGirl because I felt she had the most original writing. She kept the story interesting and gave some cool characters. I'd actually like to read further with hers. Actually, I'd like to see more of trouble's too, even if it wasn't very original.
Thank you very much for your opinion!
I really appreciate that you took time to read my story and even give this feedback.

Yes, the criticism that I feared the most was that the plot would be too cliche. But did you say that the characters were good? Or were they cliche?
And what about the concept (i.e. Soul Drive, Soul War, Anzunder, etc.). Did you find that original?

As for the ending, I agree. I read the story again a couple of days ago, and I stopped the story at a bad place. It is actually supposed to go on longer, but I thought that would be the best place to stop it to make a good length for the contest, but I guess I just rushed to submit. I think I should have made at leas a paragraph that ties things up.....
If I made a story with the same characters and the same concept but with a more complex and original plot as well as a better (real) ending, then would it be much better, or should I just scrap this idea?

It's just that this story is the preliminary version of some story boards I created. The current version of the story it the story I submitted, but with more characters, character development, plot twists,and chapters, and I just want to make it the best story (manga) that I can make.
Thanks
__________________

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.
pokeruto is offline  
Old 10-26-2012, 02:47 PM   #40
Cloukora
Special Jonin Candidate
 
Cloukora's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Location: In Kalos catching Pokemon
Posts: 8,048
Rep Power: 21
Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.
Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.Cloukora is listed in every clan's bingo book under AWESOME.

Awards Showcase

Default Re: Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

When it introduced the bad guy I'm just like no, don't do it! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! NO! NOOOO! The good guy part surprised me, I had thought about if he was really a bad guy as well, but I didn't even think about how he would bring peace about. I probably confused you, I just don't to reveal much for the other readers xD
An idea though: When the bad guy is "discovered" don't have him just admit to being a bad guy, have him try to confuse the other characters. The classic "Who is the real bad guy" because that IS a tough decision to make when you don't know who's telling the truth. Just my thought. You don't have to follow it.
__________________
POOL WAS HERE. DEAL WITH IT.

Cloukora was here.
Fight back against bullies! Go down on your feet, not your knees!

To view links or images in signatures your post count must be 10 or greater. You currently have 0 posts.

Thunder Buddy: Pool
Friends: Tifa Legacy, Ino's Girl, deadtaka, Sagemaster, Apa, Sai's Brother, Taker, The Shady Ninja, Shayd, Kanisawa,Vino, Hikari-Chan, Leaf, Ninja Pink, and many more
[/LEFT]
Cloukora is offline  
Closed Thread


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -7. The time now is 12:55 PM.


Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.2
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.