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Old 12-13-2011, 01:31 PM   #21
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

The question is: Is forgiving the same as forgetting?

I don't understand the question because forgiving is such an alien concept to me. Does forgiving someone mean the problem at hand is now forgotten? Does forgiveness mean you go on with your life and everything is hunkydorrey?

Personally I do things in a similar fashion to maik. For instance, I will always love my mother until the day I die, but I will never forgive or forget how she treated me for the last 12 years of my life.Simply I keep that in the back of my mind and sorta tune it out until I am frustrated again.
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12:11 PM So you enter the debate with full knowledge that you know nothing of worth on the subject, and then state you will not make an effort to learn. Way to be poster-boy for blight of the forum. Leave discussions of intelligence to those that have it.

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Old 12-13-2011, 06:46 PM   #22
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

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Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
The question is: Is forgiving the same as forgetting?

I don't understand the question because forgiving is such an alien concept to me. Does forgiving someone mean the problem at hand is now forgotten? Does forgiveness mean you go on with your life and everything is hunkydorrey?

Personally I do things in a similar fashion to maik. For instance, I will always love my mother until the day I die, but I will never forgive or forget how she treated me for the last 12 years of my life.Simply I keep that in the back of my mind and sorta tune it out until I am frustrated again.
Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Forgetting denotes a deficency(sp) in memory. Forgiving is knowing that the person has wronged you, being able to come to grips with it, and have made a concious decision to move on with them or with out. Simply "pushing" it to the back of your mind and trying to ignore it, or just trying to ignore it out right, is more like denial. (In my opinion).

I'm curious if you can forgive someone but still choose not to be around them anymore. I was wronged by someone I had considered my best friend. I do forgive him now, but I have made a choice to not associate with him. Does this mean I really don't forgive him? Personally, I feel like I do. I have gone through huge personal crisis and actually found his betrayal(sp) benificial. It helped me become a better person, and allowed me to spend more time with family; however, when I looked back on our friendship I found him to be a terrible friend. So, as I indicated, I made a choice not to pursue the friendship again. Does this follow with forgiveness? Would you say I forgive him?
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Old 12-13-2011, 06:59 PM   #23
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

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Originally Posted by PlatonicZombie View Post
Forgiving is not the same as forgetting. Forgetting denotes a deficency(sp) in memory. Forgiving is knowing that the person has wronged you, being able to come to grips with it, and have made a concious decision to move on with them or with out. Simply "pushing" it to the back of your mind and trying to ignore it, or just trying to ignore it out right, is more like denial. (In my opinion).

I'm curious if you can forgive someone but still choose not to be around them anymore. I was wronged by someone I had considered my best friend. I do forgive him now, but I have made a choice to not associate with him. Does this mean I really don't forgive him? Personally, I feel like I do. I have gone through huge personal crisis and actually found his betrayal(sp) benificial. It helped me become a better person, and allowed me to spend more time with family; however, when I looked back on our friendship I found him to be a terrible friend. So, as I indicated, I made a choice not to pursue the friendship again. Does this follow with forgiveness? Would you say I forgive him?
Simply a matter of bad wording, but the basic question was can you really forgive someone? If someone actually wrongs you bad enough, you won't end up associating with them. If the action they commited was not relationship breaking, are you really forgiving them or just moving on and eventually forgetting what happened?

An example of this is the thought of your girlfriend or boyfriend cheating on you. Does breaking up with them show a sign of forgiveness or can there be retribution and repair? By that same note, if you fight with anyone you care about,but still associate with them after. Is this a sign of forgetting it because it's inconsequential in the long run or a sign of forgiveness?

As for the moving it to the back of my mind, there is no denial. Perhaps this is what you were saying about being able to cope with their actions and moved on together. I may have forgiven my mother,but I still remember every heartbreaking, soul crushing fight we had over a a dropped cake or split milk.Even though we still talk and still visit eachother, there's that little voice in my head that keeps me at a distance.

As for your case, at a moment's glance it seems as if you harbor no angrer towards the person,but you don't go out of your way to talk to him/her? So I guess the question is: do you still befriend this person if they seeked your company? xD
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12:11 PM So you enter the debate with full knowledge that you know nothing of worth on the subject, and then state you will not make an effort to learn. Way to be poster-boy for blight of the forum. Leave discussions of intelligence to those that have it.

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Old 12-13-2011, 07:04 PM   #24
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

I'm willing to forgive. Will I trust them? Depends .If it was something so bad that it destroyed all my faith in someone. No. If it's small and something we can come to an agreement on or walk away from yes. Though either way I'd seek them punished. You don't do something bad without being rewarded.
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Old 12-13-2011, 07:31 PM   #25
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Bacon View Post
Simply a matter of bad wording, but the basic question was can you really forgive someone? If someone actually wrongs you bad enough, you won't end up associating with them. If the action they commited was not relationship breaking, are you really forgiving them or just moving on and eventually forgetting what happened?

An example of this is the thought of your girlfriend or boyfriend cheating on you. Does breaking up with them show a sign of forgiveness or can there be retribution and repair? By that same note, if you fight with anyone you care about,but still associate with them after. Is this a sign of forgetting it because it's inconsequential in the long run or a sign of forgiveness?

As for the moving it to the back of my mind, there is no denial. Perhaps this is what you were saying about being able to cope with their actions and moved on together. I may have forgiven my mother,but I still remember every heartbreaking, soul crushing fight we had over a a dropped cake or split milk.Even though we still talk and still visit eachother, there's that little voice in my head that keeps me at a distance.

As for your case, at a moment's glance it seems as if you harbor no angrer towards the person,but you don't go out of your way to talk to him/her? So I guess the question is: do you still befriend this person if they seeked your company? xD

To me it sounds as if you're in the process of forgiving your mother.

As for your first question: it would go back to what your definition of forgiveness is. Take what I suggested as forgiveness for example, where you recognize you've been wronged, you have come to terms (coped) with the wronging, and have decided - conciously - to move on with them or with out. (This definition suggests you can forgive them and still wish not to be around them; but it also suggests that you can decide to stick around).

As to the directed question towards me: I don't avoid them anymore (I use to go out of my way to ensure i didn't run into them a few years ago). But i wouldn't befriend them if they sought me out either. I'd try to keep it more like aquaitences for a while before allowing a new friendship to form, to make sure the person really has changed and not feigning a change in their character.
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Old 12-17-2011, 07:09 AM   #26
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

I would forgive them but i wont forget how they treated me. I wouldn't bother spending my energy on them holding a grudge, they don't deserve the attention. I believe sooner or later they're going to face the same thing that they did to others.
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Old 12-17-2011, 11:14 AM   #27
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

The better path depends entirely on ones perspective of life.

I do not forgive nor forget, I merely tolerate.
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Old 12-17-2011, 02:00 PM   #28
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

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The better path depends entirely on ones perspective of life.

I do not forgive nor forget, I merely tolerate.
Same here.
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Old 02-17-2012, 05:12 PM   #29
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

Forgiving is what I've always been told to do, but I have a hard time doing that sometimes. Holding a grudge just causes you more anxiety than it does the other person though, so it's best to just let it go, and if you can't, just avoid the person/situation as best as possible. I by no means can forget though. I always remember...
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Old 02-17-2012, 05:26 PM   #30
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

When you get revenge you feel great. But then the other person will want revenge. I think what Pain said was pretty accurate everyone will want their own revenge. Personally I might try to forget it but I still will remember and I think its very hard to forgive someone unless it was something small. Revenge will make you feel better for your own selflessness but you will basically be the same as the person who hurt you. Best way is for everyone to be nice but this can not happen because of people different upbringings and some people just thing their thugs and enjoy being thugs. If you can forgive go ahead but to a certain point anyone will crack and then revenge is the only thing on their mind. Forgiving is best and if the person keeps messing with you ignore or avoid them or attempt to kick their @ss and hopefully you'll pound their face in.
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Old 03-09-2012, 04:43 AM   #31
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

Sometimes those that one time were your friends end up hurting you quite deep, that kind of stuff is not easy to forgive...right now, I am literally on the brink of going insane due to it.....that also led me to call ''wannabe'' to others, which I ended up losing as friends....in the latter, it was late, but I realized I messed up, tried to apologize, and they wouldn't have any of it...hell, I almost got beat up just because I tried to make amends.....due to that, I ended up looking as the bad guy to many others, even those than know what happened to me in the 1st place

Sometimes you do have to forgive, but sometimes it's either better off you don't or that you take your time and think through about forgiving someone, and do not let anger take over your actions no matter what
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Old 03-17-2012, 06:27 AM   #32
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Default Re: Better to forgive or hold grudges?

Revenge is a dish best served cold.
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