FanFiction: Super Smash Brothers Brawl

[Ishtar]

tl;dr

[Devroux]

Originally Posted by Ishtar

tl;dr

^This. It's why I haven't read yet.

[Pool]

Originally Posted by Ishtar

tl;dr

That's why you're not a true reader.

[Ishtar]

I will read, I swear. D=

[Shikamaru Nara]

First one to read it?

GO RED!

[ILIKEPIE]

the recovery part was unfair Pit's recovery move is the best of all the characters

[Shikamaru Nara]

There's a way to easily beat that recovery.

For example, just hit right + B with Marth and then recovery and you'll practically never die. That's what I do.

[ILIKEPIE]

that takes good timing

[Pool]

Settle down, ladies! ILIKEPIE, send me your vote on who you want to win to me in private message.

[Ishtar]

Hey Pool. I almost sent the Poke stuff to you. But stupid Firefox crashed and I have to start over now. I will definitely read this and PM you my vote or something. I have a Pokemon Fanfic that I kind of have idea's for. :P
I also have to write 10+ chapters and draw characters by the end of tomorrow.

[Pool]

“No items, one stock, Final Destination,” Pool said.
“I’m intrigued as to how this will play out. Tyler, you done with the sim?” Skippy asked.
“Yep. Time to find out who would win in a battle between Red and Pit,” Tyler responded.

The two fighters get teleported to Final Destination. Red throws a pokeball. Squirtle appears. Pit readies his bow. In a matter of two seconds, three arrows are already flying at Squirtle. The turtle hides in its shell and rolls towards Pit’s general direction, dodging the arrows. As soon as Pit saw Squirtle do this, he was charging his forward smash attack. Squirtle jumped and came out of its shell just to be welcomed by Pit’s blades smacking Squirtle right in the face, knocking Squirtle back. Squirtle used water gun to try and catch Pit off guard, but Pit was smarter and brought out his oversized shield, and the stream of water reflected off the shield and slammed Squirtle in the face. Red called Squirtle back, and threw out another pokeball containing Ivysaur. Ivysaur instantly used razor leaf. Razor sharp leaves slashed at Pit’s face and body. Ivysaur ran into close quarters and vines came out of the bulb on its back, and wrapped around Pit’s wrists. Pit quickly pulled out his dual blades and cut the vines. Ivysaur felt a bit of a sting, but was still going strong. So strong it even tackled Pit, leaving Pit’s torso badly bruised. Pit lunged forward and spun his dual blades at Ivysaur, constantly slashing at it. Ivysaurs damage soared. It managed to get out and grabbed Pit with its vines once again. Ivysaur turned Pit upside down, and slammed his head into the ground. Pit got up, and punched Ivysaur in the face. Red made Ivysaur return, and sent Charizard out instead. Pit cowered a bit. Charizard smashed its head into Pit’s chest and he went flying off the stage. Red went and congratulated his pokemon on the victory. Pit activated his wings, and came back on the stage. The then shot multiple arrows at Charizard rapidly. Red ran to a safe spot on the stage and commanded Charizard to use Fire Blast. A stream of searing hot flames came from Charizards mouth, straight at Pit. Pit was still occupied with his arrows and didn’t have enough time to pull out his shield. Pit gets engulfed in flames, and flies off the stage.

“Knew it,” Red said.
“This is just a stupid simulation, we all know who the true victor would be here!” Pit boasted.
“Looks like Red defeats Pit in the first episode of Deadliest Warrior – Brawl Edition!” Pool said. “Tune in next week for another epic battle!”

[Shikamaru Nara]

Glad Red won, but I have some criticism:

It was good, but slightly too systematic imo.
It was blunt, like this:

dude punched him
guy gets up and hits him back.

Maybe throwing a little more dialogue into your story would be more useful, other than just at the end, but nevertheless, definitely liked it.

[Devroux]

Lookin' good...

The other guy should have totally won. Other than that, I agree with Shika.

[Pool]

Originally Posted by Devroux

Lookin' good...

The other guy should have totally won. Other than that, I agree with Shika.

Your fault you didn't vote

Thank you for the feedback, both of you.

[Pool]

The next matchup is.... Marth vs. Sonic!
/writes

[Bacon]

Damnit I missed my chance to do this.

[Pool]

Shame on you.

[Pool]

NOTICE: I gotta put this on hold. With School, PRP, and BFV. I can't find time to do this atm. When I find a way to maneuver everything good I'll get right back to this. :P

[Kiseki]

I read the first chapter... Not my thing, sorry.

Originally Posted by Shikamaru Nara

It was good, but slightly too systematic imo.

And this was the reason that made me don't really like it.
Im sure you are a good writer though, just far from my own style :P

[Pool]

I understand.