Spanking kids

[sasu_girl]

Originally Posted by mrsticky005

I'm pretty sure children have fear. Heck even babies can get scared.
Abused children still love their parents because...well it's their parents.
I don't think we should be trying to diagnose them as if their something
wrong with them. What's wrong is the parents who don't love their children.
It would be better to diagnose what's wrong with them.

i said they feel fear, just not like how we do.

[mrsticky005]

Originally Posted by sasu_girl

i said they feel fear, just not like how we do.

I would disagree even then. Children feel fear just the same as adults do.
What we fear may change but how we fear does not for the nature of fear remains the same. Fear is the ultimate proof that are things we do not know. Children fear bogeyman because they do not know that there's isn't someone hiding in their closet lying in wait to kill them. Adults fear each other because they do not know if they can be trusted. Children fear the schoolyard bully. Adults fear the tyrant. For each rules by their might and each rules according to their whims. It cannot be known all what they will allow and won't allow and what they demand and what they take. In short we cannot predict how they will act. And even if we could we still would have fear for not knowing how to fight back. And even then there's the fear that your plan to fight back might not work. Fear never really changes. Our understanding of it may but not the actual feeling of fear itself.

[Jakropha]

Ok
I have a bit of experience in this realm

When I was a boy, I always did stupid things
if I didnt get spanked, or belted what wouldve happened?
I wouldve broken my neck, spine, arm, legs, poked an eye, and killed my very best friend in this house, my dog.

Children can sense when you do something out of anger, or for whats best for theyre children, dont assume they are stupid.
There is a major difference between fear and respect, my uncle has a warped perspective on respect, I dont respect him at all...
When I become a parent, I dont want my children to fear me, but I dont want them to become one with the twisted world some poor children have misfortune to grow up in
Id say, the one thing that changed me the most, was once, when I did something really stupid, my dad got me with the belt bad.
I cried for nearly an hour, I forgot what I had done, I think I was backsassing or something. But after I had cooled down a bit, my dad sat down next to me and tried to explain in the best words possible how he felt about what he had to do.
I dont hate my dad, I understood what he meant.

I feel its only because of that, that I actually grew to understand what being respectable is all about. It not something you can learn, you have to experience it.
I feel thats what most parents are missing in discipline.

A lasting effect.

[chidoriroar]

spanking should only be used to make a child behave but it should only be a light slapwithout anger for yourself. the best way is to treat a child with kindness so he is influenced to be good out of kindness. i should know, i was beaten very hard when i was a child by my mom but i always felt respect for my dad and have always wanted to please him for being so kind to me.
i stil remember some spankings from when i was two or three, i have pictures in my mind of running down the stairs or hiding behind my dad.

a belt cant solve anything, it makes the child grow more hate and anger wich could possibly lead to him killing his parents when he grows up.

[Kunoichi]

Originally Posted by MrMixelPixel

Children should be raised to follow the law because of their morales or ethics ( I can never remember the difference) tell them too, and not because they fear it.

That... just sounds silly to me. If you're not supposed to fear the law, or at least the repercussions of the law, then there would be no point in having them in the first place. Your morals and ethics are personal standards that can vary from person to person. I don't have to believe it's morally just to drive the speed limit, but I do it because I fear getting a ticket.

I think spanking is perfectly acceptable tool for a parent to employ.

[Shikamaru Nara]

A lot of people are overreacting because I got spanked and I'm just fine.

Well..maybe not.

[Kunoichi]

Originally Posted by Shikamaru Nara

A lot of people are overreacting because I got spanked and I'm just fine.

Well..maybe not.

The reasons for the problems you have have got nothing to do with spanking.

[Jakropha]

Originally Posted by Kunoichi

The reasons for the problems you have have got nothing to do with spanking.

Good one

I blame TV for my satiric attitude

[PlatonicZombie]

I was spanked as a kid, and I have to admit that it worked. I'd have to wager the pros and cons of an act; is this worth getting a spanking? Probably not. Furthermore, it eventually made me look past the spanking to the people I am hurting when I do a certain act. (Granted, not all kids do that). As Mr.Sticky said, the problem is if they turn to beatings. I was raised by a single mom, and I was lucky enough that she waited till she was no longer mad to spank me. That, I think, is key; plus this made me anticipate my punishment, and my mind was always worse than whatever was eventually dished-out.

[SRhyse]

My parents tried spanking me once when I was a kid and we all cried .

Though it can be effective to keep them from doing something you don't approve of in the short term, it can also affect them adversely in the long run. I'm fine with others doing it if they'd like, but if your kid's in a position to do something you deem bad enough to spank them for, and they keep doing it enough to warrant you having to spank them despite clear communication that you'd rather they didn't do that, then there's a larger contextual problem that needs to be untangled if you want to actually set the situation right. It sends a mixed message and ends up straining the parent child relationship, cause now your parents love you... but they also beat you . This can be perfectly normal to happen, but it's mentally hard to integrate in a way that you can't actually be conscious of or accurately express in words in regards to yourself.

Like if your kid keeps hitting other kids in the face as a way of saying hello, the problem you wanna solve isn't that another kid got hit in the face (though that is a problem too). You wanna solve the fact that your kid either thinks punching someone in the face is a nice way to say hello, has some kind of natural or abnormal chemical / emotional imbalances that's causing them to do that knowingly or compulsively, or you raised an entitled little clod that's rude (making you the problem). Not that those are the only possible causes, or that there'd be any one, but there are clearly other places you could look to that'd actually address the problem rather than the symptom. Hitting your kid's an iffy way to get the point across that, and only keeps them from doing it in a Pavlovian sense, putting fear and resistance in place of a possible impulse. If the kid was only acting out in a Pavlovian sense to begin with, as in he hit kids in the face to say hello cause that's just what struck his fancy at the time, great, but that doesn't happen too often. The only thing that gets taught is that it's bad to do something because if you do Dad will hit you, and that's not at all why the act in question is a bad thing to do.

Spanking solves the right problem, but at the wrong level. It's kind of a lazy form of therapy . I'd only hit a kid to teach him how to fight or hurt him. Or if there was a bug on him and I was a bit tipsy throwing the blow .

[GenFlower12]

I don't see a problem with spanking if its used for disipline.Spanking just because you're angry doesn't solve anything and damages a child and parent relationship.When my siblings and I are were bad my dad spanked us.Today's society would say that he 'abused' us but I say spanking a kid when they're bad actually helps because then a kid knows that what they did were bad and shouldn't do that every again.That's why anytime I cuss or say something bad I feel it in the back of my head that I'm going to get a spanking.Besides if you look back a long time ago,anytime a child was bad they would either have a thick stick or leather belt on their behinds.So I say I actually got off easier than they did.

[Kiko-kun]

When I was younger my mum would spank me, but only ifd I did something reeallyyy bad. I agree with you, only when the child is bad that it is needed..

[deidara330]

I don't think it's right. It can give a kid a lot of wrong ideas and it's really not necessary as far as punishments go.

[AgentShayd]

Seems to me that in the old days when children were spanked they actually learned a lesson and wasn't so damn full of themselves and more respectful. I was spanked and turned out fine. I see no problems with it as long as you are not beating the crap out of them. Spanking is one thing, beating and leaving welts is another....

[puppetmasterpossession]

I don't agree with spanking. I mean if other people do it to their kids that is fine with me. But it is just something I wouldn't do to my kids. I just think it is better to talk to them rather then spank them.

[Cade]

I agree with spanking as long as it is not used on children below 4 or 5. There is a difference between spanking and abuse, and not every child who receives spankings fear their parents. The problem is when spanking turns into abuse.