Crack at this poem thing
 

Perched at the precipice of a boundless void
My existence is all too futile
The euphoria of joy is lost on me
Agony of sorrow purged from my soul
Reality has become my bane, for the sun which clearly shines in the heavens, is now listless and dull with a weary fatigue
As the shadows encroach I asked myself, do I welcome thee or shun thee

Existence is shallow
Living to pursue to worldly joys: A big house, knowledge, and a family
Yet, is that all there is to life?
What can come from such a pitiful existence, stuck in a perpetual loop for the better years of our lives
Achieving a standard which is the same for everyone else
What meaning can be derived from such a singular path?

Bouts of rage light a fire in my gut
Illusions cloud my judgement
As I lay my head to rest, I wonder if waking up is worth it?
The shadows draw nearer, they beckon to me.
Promises of relief.
Severance of the chains
which were cast onto me

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

I like it, but as a published poet, if i were to seriously critique it I would say that I like your syllable structure except for the unusually long sentences in the middle of each stanza, maybe shorten them or cut them into different lines?
Every word is not used to its greatest impact or potential, I see a few words that could be cut out or rearranged to make the poem flow more.
However, I like the overall theme here and your use of grammar and vocabulary are very nice. ^^

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

Ah like it!

This thread is approved by 5 out of 6 voices in mah head
Alice doesn't like poems cuz she doesn't know how to read...lol

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

Yay ^

didn't want to see this cuz I was feline emo that day. xD

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

Re: Crack at this poem thing
 

Excellent use of vocabulary and style! =)

+Rep!