Jake Robbins was having a good dream. Was being the operative word as that dream had thanks to 80 decibels and bright red digits proclaiming another shoddy day is about to begin. Of course shoddy days must begin even before the sun has a chance to awaken from it's nocturnal slumber. The life of a man is a life of drudgery and toil and Jake Robbin's life was no different. Though there are probably plenty worse jobs than whatever it was that Jake Robbins' did for about 12 hours of his day. After all unlike some other jobs out there Jake Robbins was lucky enough to get paid...something. It's difficult to say if Jake Robbins was aware of whether or not his job was just a step above indentured servitude but perhaps ignorance is bliss and bliss is tolerance. Despite having worked at his job for a third of his life, which as of this moment is three years prior to three decades of never being able to blow those ever annoying trick candles out on a store bought cake, Jake Robbins still considered himself to be working a job and not a career. It is possible that Jake Robbins had plans for his life. It is probable they'll never happen. It is inevitable this will result in a mid life crisis. But that's just three years of never being able to blow those ever annoying trick candles out on a store bought cake from now and it would be best to not fret about such future tenses in the present ones.
After all Jake Robbins was not worried about such things to come as he was too busy deciding between the red tie with the bowling pins and a large dose of tackiness, the blue tie that seemed that all his co-workers thought was the only one he wore due to the fact he had three blue ties, or the black tie with the long removed mustard stain that only a forensics expert and/or a women could detect. Too bad for Jake Robbins but his boss was a women and perhaps in another life which may or may not be as antediluvian as her current one, a forensics expert. The blue tie it was. With a briefcase in one closed grip of a hand and a device to unlock locks
in the remaining hand, Jake Robbins traversed to the door on his way out.By cosmic coincidence or divine retribution, Jake Robbins was suddenly
cursed with the misery of having to engage in small talk with the 6 foot 176 pound, spiky haired boy band wannabe ;););););););) dressed in a blue
button down polo and khaki pants that stood as an obstacle in the way of Jake Robbins and the other side of his door. A name tag declared this
;););););););) to be called "Rich". With a smile as warm as Old Man Winter and as fake as the "snow" on the Christmas trees that Jake Robbins
consistently found himself not admiring on a bleak October afternoon, Rich extended his arm and hand, the one without the moronic Japanese
kanji tattoos, that nobody actually knew what they meant, covering it.
"Hi, I'm Rich. Is this a good time to talk? Or should I come by later, sir?"
It wasn't a good time to talk for Jake Robbins but then again it was never a good time to talk for Jake Robbins. Biting the bullet and hoping to get it over with Jake lied.
"Yeah, sure. What is it?" Jake replied purposely ignoring the age old custom known as the handshake.
After a waiting a half of an awkward second, Rich withdrew his hand and then for what seemed half a minute fumbled through some important looking papers
"Let's see...You must be Jacob Timothy Robbins." Rich read off one of the important looking papers.
"Just call me Mr. Robbins" Jake Robbins preferred
"But never mind that. What do you want?"
Rich looked down at his papers again as if he was trying to memorize lines for a school play during the actual school play
"According to our records you've yet to make your donation to The Committee of Upholding and Enforcing Rule 27."
Not understanding half of the gibberish spoken before him and caring about none of it at all Jake Robbins said hurriedly
"I've already paid my taxes for the year, thank you very much. Now if you'll excuse..."
True to what must have been his reason for being, Rich took a step in order to block Jake Robbin's path. Irritated Jake Robbins looked up at Rich's annoying smile.
"I'm sorry for the confusion, Mr. Robbins. But this is not a tax but rather a donation to The Committee of Upholding and Enforcing Rule 27."
As if that made things any better.
"I'm sorry. But I don't have a money to donate". Jake Robbins boldly declared the half truth.
But Rich or at least the Community of whatever it was he said worked for would not accept such an answer
"Actually according to our sources you should have plenty available to donate. Would you care to make a generous donation of $350?"
This was highway robbery minus the highway and there wasn't anything generous about it. Jake Robbins grudgingly reached for his checkbook.
"Will a check do?"
"That will be fine. We'll call you later to confirm the deposit went through." Rich said through his smile.
As Jake jotted down the ink from his pen on the note that should not be spindle, mutilated and encourages one to know their endorser he asked
"So what is this rule 27 you were talking about anyways?"
Rich kept smiling but his face was blank.
Jake Robbin repeated himself "Rule 27, what is it?"
Rich's smile grew wider and then he preceded to offer a business card.
"Sorry but I'm afraid I am unable to help with such information. If you wish you can call my superiors and ask them yourself."
"Ok..." Jake Robbins said puzzled.
"Thank you for your time." Rich spoke politely before leaving Jake Robbins wondering what the hell that was all about.
Once Rich had made us his way back to his two door white sedan with the red racing stripes he conjured up a cellular phone and dialed a number.
"Hi, It's Rich. There was some trouble with the client today. He broke Rule 27"
After a few "uh-huhs", "mmhmms" and "okays" Rich said
"Ok, I'll keep an eye on him. Make sure he doesn't leave town. Alive at least."
The End of Rule 1
UPDATE: I will be uploading "Rule 27" to my web blog www.mrsticky005.blogspot.com
Re: Rule 27
Da flip? O.o
Good story...I tried to understand it..failed on some parts. =]
Re: Rule 27
This is only chapter one. There should be more to come.
Re: Rule 27
Can't wait! =D
Re: Rule 27
For half a moment, however long that may be, Jake Robbins studied the business card given to him by the boy band wannabe ;););););););) he just met.
What was his name again? It was Rick or something. The card read in Bold Italic Print: The Committee Of Upholding and Enforcing Rule 27
and below it had the phone number 623-978-5327 OBEYRULE27 and the instructions to dial "4" before the number. Jake Robbins found this
strange as usually if a phone number had more than ten digits the first of the eleven digits would be a "1". Jake Robbins pondered if he should
give the number a call but then decided against it as he was probably late enough for work. Jake Robbins stuffed the business card in his pocket,
locked his door and hurried over to his car, a purple mini-van that he got for dirt cheap. There was no way that Jake Robbins would pay good
money for a vehicle that earned him the nickname of "Soccer Mom" amongst all his co-workers. The joke was funny the first time but got
a bit stale the one hundred millionth time. Usually by the same guy, another ;););););););) named James. Unlike the ;););););););) named Rex or whatever
his name was that wasted a good millenium of Jake Robbin's time, James was older than Jake "Soccer Mom" Robbins and not only that but
also his superior. So suffer Jake Robbins must at the whim of James desire to poke fun at him and suffer he did. It didn't help much that each
time he was insulted his superior James would ask afterwards "But we're cool. Right, Jake, my man." Jake Robbins wasn't sure how his superior
ever got the idea that they were ever friends much less "his man" but since Jake Robbins wanted to keep his job he dealt with it. One could
ask why Jake Robbins didn't take up the matter to his boss. But Jake Robbins had upon first meeting the fossil of what was once a woman
that it would be best to avoid confrontation iwith her at all costs. Jake Robbins drove to work and was not in the least bit aware that the
;););););););) who's name he could not remember (It was Rob, right?) was following him to his work every tire tread of the way there.
After five or six hours of working at the dead end job that a liberal arts major granted Jake Robbins as his karma for throwing rocks at squirrels as a child,
Jake Robbins prepared to sober himself by getting wasted at the local pub. It was probably not the best routine to binge on scotch whiskey during his
lunch break but if Jake Robbins had got injured on the job due to such a routine, the days off that would result would be worth it. Even if those days
would be spent not being able to move in a hospital bed. As one can plainly see, Jake Robbins was quite fond of his job and felt as an accomplished
man should. Jake Robbins was never too great at memorizing people's names. He never actually remembered his boss's name except to call her
as "ma'am" or "your honor", the latter when he was being sarcastic and in a day dream where he wouldn't have to worry about losing his job.
But Jake Robbins never forgot the name of the bartender at the pub he frequented ordering the usual of fish and chips with plenty of tartar sauce
and plenty more Scotch Whiskey to wash it down. The bartender's name was Billy. Actually it was William. But everyone knew him as Billy.
Billy was an old timer who had yet to lose that spark that so called men half his age lost and never regained. While others would see Blly's
job as a bartender at his age to be the end of the line, Billy saw it as a stepping stone to his dream. Jake Robbins enjoyed chatting it up
with Billy about almost anything. Billy was an optimist but not in the fake let's pretend everything is just dandy type way that Jake Robbins abhorred.
As demonstrated by the large scar that ran from one corner of his grizzled mug to the next corner, Billy had seen it all and yet nothing made him
doubt the light at the end of the tunnel. "How was work" Billy asked while serving Jake Robbins his plate of the usual. Slurping the Scotch Whiskey,
from the tall clear glass, Jake Robbin muttered "Same". Billy nodded with a trail of "Uh huhs" following in his way of saying "I know what you mean."
Billy then gave some words of wisdom to Jake Robbins "Well, you just hang in there, Jake. It'll get better sooner or later." Jake Robbins wasn't
sure if he did believe Billy whenever he spoke such words but at the very least he wanted to believe him. Jake Robbins then remembered why
today was especially crap. "So this morning, this guy is standing outside by door and basically forces me to donate to some dumb cause."
Billy questioned "How can you be forced to donate." "Hell if I know" Jake Robbins replied "But he said worked for the Rule 27 Communal or
some ;);););) like that. Say Billy do you know what the hell Rule 27 is by any..." Jake Robbins didn't finish his sentence as he was interrupted
by the combination of anger and another emotion he never saw or would ever expect to see in the eyes of the bartender, Billy; fear.
"Scram. I don't want no trouble, ya hear?"
Jake Robbins was at lost for words or even thoughts. "I. I..uh". Jake Robbins stammered out. Billy pivoted his thumb towards the exit and said "Git."
Jake Robbins wasn't sure what made Billy upset but he knew Billy was not someone who want to be stubborn with. Jake Robbins apologized and
left. Billy told Jake Robbin not to worry about his food as it would be "on the house." But that was the least of Jake Robbin's worries. The first of
Jake Robbin's annoyances since five or six hours ago was getting the oppurtunity of making eye contact with that ;););););););)...what's the name tag say?
That's right, Rich, standing in the parking lot looking at a map. If it was anyone else Jake Robbins might have asked where the person was headed
and then offer help with directions. But if speaking to Rich could be avoided, Jake Robbins was for that tactic. Which of course failed.
"Hey, Mr. Robbins, good seeing you again."
"Uh yeah." Jake Robbins replied. Not meaning "yeah it's good seeing you too" but rather "yeah I suppose it would be good to see me" as Jake Robbins
was unable to figure anything good from seeing Rich even once. Forget twice. Although Jake Robbins felt a chill go up his spine when the thought of
having to talk to Rich again occurred to him, luckily this time his fears did not manifest when Rich spoke the magical words of annoyance:
"Well, catch ya later."
Jake Robbins hoped that he would rather catch small pox instead. After Jake Robbins drove off in his purple mini-van which he later thought surprising
that Rich did not poke fun at, Jake Robbin did not notice Rich whipping out his cell phone and dialing a number. However later down the road, the literal
one and not in figurative one, Jake Robbins did notice a car bump him from behind. Jake Robbins pulled over and the perpretaror car did as well.
"What's the big...!?" Jake Robbins yelled just as he noticed the car that hit him was a cop car "W-what? Cops?" Jake Robins was sure he wasn't
speeding. But then again how sure could one be when they Scotch Whiskey flowing through their veins. Out of the cop car emerged a grizzly bear
and a rhinocernos in uniform disguised quite pitiful as people. The grizzly bear spoke English as by his statement of "You're under arrest for violation of Rule 27."
Jake Robbins blinked in dumbfoundedness. He thought he was gonna get hammered for driving drunk. But instead it was this nonsense all over again.
"What is this Rule 27 anyways?" Jake Robbins wanted to know.
The grizzly bear spoke to the Rhinocernos who didn't kno much English except to nod in response when the Bear said "I'll read him his Miranda rights."
The Bear walked on it's hind legs and boots towards Jake Robbins and for a brief moment flashed a grin. Then Jake Robbins was standing toe to toe with the bear.
"Jake Robbins, is it?"
The last time Jake Robbins remembered having the wind knocked out of him was during a elementary school dodgeball game. But it was nothing compared
to the freight train of a fist that launched itself at Jake Robbin's stomach causing his mouth to spit up what he had consumed of the fish species earlier.
"You!!!" The Bear made sure to ennunicate certain words with a punch that could break cement "have the RIGHT!"
Jake Robbins had seen plenty of police brutality when he got bored and had time to search the world wide web for videos of the like.
But experiencing it was another matter. While watching a video, Jake Robbins could think of plenty ways to defend. But this was another matter.
"To remain SILENT!" The Bear declared triumphantly before knocking Jake Robbins out cold on the street. The Bear and the Rhino then carried Jake Robbins
to the back seat of the cop car, buckled him in and then drove to the station to confirm their arrest.
The End of Rule 2
Re: Rule 27
I am now like completely hooked into this story. xD
Re: Rule 27
He drinks scotch. Awesome.
Are you going to turn this into a script as well?
Re: Rule 27
Not at the moment. I'm trying to work on my narrative
without relying too much on an artist this time. I mean
I will probably later make it into a comic just because
I prefer the medium but I think this way it's easier to
judge the writing then if pictures accompanied it.
Re: Rule 27
I guess so. I still want to know what happens in Sewer Boy. D:
Re: Rule 27
Re: Rule 27
I will vote yes to that. Should I make a debate thread about that?
Re: Rule 27
Re: Rule 27
Re: Rule 27
Re: Rule 27
Was Rule #27 "Always shake hands!"?
Re: Rule 27
Re: Rule 27
Sweet Bean Soup.
Re: Rule 27
Jake Robbins woke up quite confused. How did he get to where he was? Jake Robbins mulled over the events of his day. Let's see he he had toast and jelly for breakfast. Grape jelly not jam. You may or may not be aware but there is a difference. Jam has bits of fruit in it while Jelly does not. As a result Jelly has a smoother texture. It's a bit like the difference between plain gelatin and gelatin with fruit which Jake Robbins despised. Jake Robbins hated when fruits were put into foods that would otherwise have a smooth consistency like jelly, gelatin or yogurt. Jake Robbins thought such foods should need
not be chewed. Perhaps gummed a little but not chewing. Even worse is chewing on orange juice. Jake Robbins hated pulp in his orange juice. But what Jake Robbins really hated was that douche bag with the spiky hair that knocked on his door at what 4 or 5 in the morning? Wait that douche bag didn't knock on the door. Jake Robbins remembered that he opened the door and the guy was just standing there. Was that just really good timing (or rather really bad timing depending on how you look at it). How long was that douche bag boy band wannabe standing there. Too long. Thanks to that douche bag...was it Rich? That's right Rich. What a ;););););););) ;););););););). Thanks to Rich, Jake Robbins was late for work. He got chewed out by his boss. But on the bright side at least he got to keep his job. Not that the thought of continuing to work there was a bright prospect but that it was brighter than the alternative of living on the streets and freezing to death in some back alley. Or was it? Sometimes Jake Robbins wondered if life on the streets would be too bad. Well ok freezing to death would be indeed quite awful but there's soup kitchens and all sorts of help programs and if things got bad he could just punch his superior Jake and then land himself in jail and get free TV.
Wait, speaking of punches why does that sound so familiar? Jake Robbins faintly recalled something about getting punched in the stomach a few times. It was a strange feeling remembering something that happened to you but remembering it more as if it happened to someone else than to yourself.
Jake Robbins knew that getting punched in the stomach must have hurt but luckily he had trouble remembering how much it hurt. But damn it now that Jake Robbins has started thinking about it now he's starting to feel sore all over. And why is Jake Robbin's head throbbing like mad? Migraine central?
For some reason Jake Robbins couldn't see a thing. What the hell was up with that? His eyes were open and yet he couldn't see anything. Plus it was getting a tad bit difficult to breathe. It was almost as if someone had put a blind fold of some sort over Jake Robbins and...
"GASP!" Jake Robbins gulped the air as soon as his blindfold was removed. Closing his eyes tightly for a moment to protect them from the sudden change of almost complete darkness to a bright room, Jake Robbins slowly squinted his eyes opened and before they were even fully opened, Jake Robbins realized
that somehow he had gotten himself into some serious ;);););). Five not too friendly looking men were all standing around him. Jake Robbins secretly betted to himself that he was probably tied to a chair. Jake Robbins looked at his arm strapped to the chair. Looks like Jake Robbins won that bet.
God damn it.
In the previous chapter, "Rule 2", there were two police officers who gave Jake Robbins a nasty bruising. These two police officers were said to be a grizzly bear and a rhinoceros. It should be noted that this was not to be taken literal but as a metaphor. A metaphor is a comparison between
two nouns. In this particular case it would be a comparison between two brutal police officers and dangerous animals such as a rhino and a bear. This is similar but not quite the same as a simile which uses the words "like, "as" or "than" to compare the two nouns. The difference between
the metaphor and the simile is that although neither are taken literally a simile says two nouns are similar whereas the metaphor says they are the same. So although the violent police officers may not actually a rhino and a grizzly bear they are described as being just that. Why?
Because it would give a more accurate description (in a sense) of the slight discomfort that Jake Robbins experienced by their violent behavior. To Jake Robbins it was as if a rhino and a bear had for some odd reason decided to gang up and pummel him while of course wearing a police uniform.
A metaphor is a literary device. It is used to send an abstract picture to the reader. Such as the abstract picture one may "see" (one can note by the scare quotes that the word see does not literally mean to see with one's own eyes but instead in this case to see with one's mind.) from the
metaphorically interpretation of how Jake Robbins, while strapped to a sturdy wooden chair was subjected to a vicious thrashing by five cruel men.
A rushing torrent of furious fists impacted upon the facade of a hairless ape. The Nile river red flowing interrupted by fiery blasts of crimson and teeth. Glass breaks. Handle with care. Do not try this at home. Broken noses.Who is black and blue and red all over? Lions gather in packs to kill.
In the dimensions of America's favorite past time, wood beats a drum. Splinters. Is it human or is it dead? Can't tell when it's splattered flat. Franz Liszt's Hungarian Rhaspody No 2 on a Grand Piano. Drumroll.Cue Ball to Eight Ball To Right Corner Pocket subtracted from A Baker's Dozen equivalent to the number of devilish men who beat the ever loving ;);););) out of the once miserable and now literally broken man known as Jake Robbins.
Change the channel.
Security was tight at the station. But with the combined forces of US Navy Seals,Army Rangers, and a Tomahawk Cruise Missile packed into one surprisingly scrawny shadowy figure with a knife and a revolver, security wasn't tight enough. The shadowy figure snuck past the guards at the gate
and then ran through the parking lot using the scattered police cars as hiding spots. A cop unlocks the door to his cop car and is made vulnerable. Taking advantage the shadowy figure takes the cop hostage with the threat of a knife sliting a throat. The cop's throat of course. The shadowy
figure gets a bit further towards the station. But then something unexpected. The cop held hostage pushs the knife into his own throat and dies. The shadowy figure knows this and immediately removes the knife while rushing to the nearest wall to use as cover from the dozens of cops who didn't try at all to help their fellow police officer but rather watched as the police officer sacrificed himself in vain. The shadowy figure shoots down about a third of the herds of policemen with his revolver and shoots through the door. Opening it, two cops are seen dead. .500 Smith and Wesson. More cops who aren't the least bit happy fire, take aim and miss as the shadowy figure goes to run and hide behind a desk for cover. Bullets spray. Several cops are shot in the head and neck areas. The shadowy figure makes it's way to the hallway that soon forks. The gunshots were loud so there are already more cops coming from the hallways. The shadowy figure is soon about to be surrounded. But then...
"What's all that racket out there?" Asks the Grizzly Bear like Cop
The Grizzly Bear like cop smacks Jake Robbins around a little bit
"Hey, you know what the hell is going on out there?"
Jake Robbins doesn't answer or rather can't answer. He's like a rag doll now.
"Go check it out." The Grizzly Bear orders three of the five men in the room not counting Jake Robbins.
Some time later The Grizzly Bear hears a gunshot. Did they get the perpetrator? Or were they one's who?
The Grizzly Bear then hears itself cry out in pain for a few seconds before dying. on the ground nearby the other one of the five men who was stabbed from behind.
The shadowy figure looks around "Dang it. Wrong room." Then eyes Jake Robbins. Or what was left of him. Checks the pulse. "Still alive" the shadowy figure confirms.
"Well I suppose it wouldn't be right to just leave you here." The shadowy figure tells itself.
The End of Rule 3
Re: Rule 27
You misspelled blindfold.
Also, what is a mondegreen?
Re: Rule 27
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