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Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.Hotarubi Hyuuga finished a high-profile B-Rank mission...and went unscathed.

Hotarubi Hyuuga Hotarubi Hyuuga is offline

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Visitor Messages

Showing Visitor Messages 181 to 190 of 2122
  1. Danzi
    04-13-2014 10:59 PM
    Danzi
    "First thing I do is explain the world you have make it easier for readers to understand. Then set the setting of the village is it night, day, stormy, calm. Elaborate on the circle your trying to describe something in only in only a few sentences and it isn't working. try to build up on the creepiness factor make it seem unholy. "The candles' blue flames cast a eerie like upon the room and the man in it. A little burning of buildings adds a sense of chaos. stuff like that. For him to get out I suggest keeping what you have about introducing himself have the guy pretty much say he is suppose to obey him. Then kage says, "Now why would I do that?" breaking through the weak point then crushes him. More lore friendly and cooler I think.
  2. Danzi
    04-13-2014 10:39 PM
    Danzi
    you need to work on description If you read your first paragraph you just drop us in without a clue. A prologue is a way to introduce an idea so readers understand the world a bit, or introduction of characters. I seriously suggest looking at other authors and see what they do. I've told you before that the way kage does after the circle open wouldn't work demons under contract can't kill unless ordered. If he wasn't contracted when he was released that would be good information. If not then he probably escapes because of some problem with the circle. I like the rampage that had pretty good description and that's what needs to be added more. Overall work on description and read through it if it sounds bad then it probably is.
  3. Danzi
    04-13-2014 09:43 PM
    Danzi
    Hmm do what you think is needed then I'll look.
  4. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 08:04 PM
    Greenrust
    Yup, so when i post in the thread it will be next day situation.
  5. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 08:00 PM
    Greenrust
    no i understand the sentiment, this is a unprecedented case for these two with no precedent so filling in the gaps would be difficult and it would be clearer just to play out.
  6. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 07:55 PM
    Greenrust
    If you dont mind then pms will be fine, we can post on the thread as a after time skip at the same time.
  7. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 07:48 PM
    Greenrust
    course had this problem before, We have two choices.

    1. Timeskip

    2. Continue in pms like ive done before.
  8. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 07:39 PM
    Greenrust
    Hey you created that time bomb XD
  9. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 07:29 PM
    Greenrust
    and marcus explodes
  10. Greenrust
    04-13-2014 07:21 PM
    Greenrust
    sure she wasent aware but she definitely had that affect

About Me

  • About Hotarubi Hyuuga
    Village / Clan
    Hidden Leaf village/ Yamanaka clan
    Gender
    Female
    Biography
    I'm very silly and, I try not to be rude. Honest, but not rude.
    Location
    In the Universe
    Interests
    Naruto, Bleach, well anime in general I guess
    Occupation
    Revolutionary Rebel
    Favorite Character
    Gaara, Ino, Guren and Tobirama
    Nindo
    Stand by what you believe in and don't let anyone walk all over you.
    Status
    Fighting the Machine
  • Signature
    O M F G !Those rocks look like Cinnamon Toast Crunch!!


    "You are required to do nothing, least of all believe. Shut one's eyes tight or open one's arms wide, either way, one's a fool." -Flemeth

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  • Last Activity: Today 12:22 PM
  • Join Date: 12-26-2011
  • Referrals: 0

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