View Full Version : Fanfic mark 3

The Demon Zabuza
08-24-2010, 01:43 AM
Well, the first one had no actual plot, and the second one I just don't have the ideas to write.


Reality exists. This is a fact, universally accepted all over the world. What isn't universally accepted is that reality not only exists, it moves.

Reality is not permanent. It flows, concentrates, then disperses almost into nothingness. Ever wondered why the sound of the morning chorus as you rise just before dawn is more real than a birds cheep in the middle of the day? Reality gathers around the birds in the morning, but has gone by midday. This is the science of the manipulators.

But nature demands balance. Just as there is concentrations of reality, there are areas where reality is severely lacking.

And they move.

Expect chapter 1 by morning, I have a lot of time on my hands.

08-24-2010, 01:48 AM
/ demands you to post the first chapter nao ! :cool:
Awesome, awesome, awesome!!

The Demon Zabuza
08-24-2010, 01:55 AM
/stops talking with you to write

08-24-2010, 02:06 AM
/ is also going to write :3

The Demon Zabuza
08-24-2010, 02:31 AM

I just lost all of it.

/starts again

Anyway, more Prologue. Manipulators have existed for thousands of years, possibly millions. They used to run wild, ruling over vast swathes of land, great oceans, wide humid jungles, sweltering plains. Lords of all they surveyed, they roamed free. They weren't even human, the animals changing reality to suit their needs. When humanity evolved, they changed things, organizing manipulators into one concrete force for justice.

Manipulators can, in essence, change reality. Bending it, stretching it, molding it and shaping it to suit their needs. They can create mind numbingly large rock formations, or intricate spindles of pure light, however the need suits them. In the past, manipulators have ripped apart the earth beneath attacking armies, dropped mountain ranges on enemy castles. None could face them. But with strength comes order, and with order come observation. The manipulators observed very strange effects.

Where great feats had been performed, great tragedies were set to follow. Watching ever more closely, they noted tiny areas of reality where almost nothing existed. Over time, they learnt the truth of their strength. Reality is a sphere, forming the perfect shape to protect itself from the absolute nothingness that surrounds them. When they create, they gather reality to themselves, stripping it from their surroundings. Reality stretches, deforms, and finally splits, letting nothingness flow in.

This nothingness only exists insofar as to have a mind. Deprived of the reality they need, they hopelessly devour any reality they spot, and when the walls of the universe break, they leap through, and stuff themselves before retreating back, conserving the reality they steal.

The manipulators, alarmed by this revelation, searched, and found that the reality they ate did not disperse as normal, it simply disappeared. Dedicating themselves to destroying these Predatris, they banded together, and the Manipulating Circle was formed. For 5000 years the battles raged, until one day, everything changed.

08-24-2010, 03:04 AM
/ stuffed myself with strawberry cakes while reading
It's almost science poetry! <3

08-24-2010, 02:07 PM
Ahh, amazing. It's so well thought out and very detailed. Anyways, I think I might have found a mistake.

Dedicating themselves to destroying these Predatris, they banded together, and the Manipulating Circle was formed.

I think you actually meant to say "predators".

The Demon Zabuza
09-01-2010, 01:31 PM
This may not work. Brace for fail.

Hey, it worked!

(The names are from authors off my bookshelves. Plus, I like the names Ian and Kate, so there.)

Standing tall, Kate Kramer, the guardian of the silver forest, savior of the righteous and defender of the holy strode to the mouth of the cave, the light of her firebrand glinting off silver armor. The inky darkness seemed to reject the light from the firebrand, swallowing it up and hiding it far from view. Taking a deep breath, Kate stepped forwards purposefully - then stopped. From deep within the cave an ominous rumble echoed, the sound reverberating off the cave walls to blast her with sound.

Diving to the left, a great gout of fire burst from the mouth of the cave narrowly missing her feet as she executed a graceful roll to the left. Spinning and crouching low, she circled slowly, inching her way downwind of the cave, waiting. She didn’t have to wait long.

A serpentine head snaked out of the black shadows. Bony ridges adorned it’s forehead, creating a menacing outline against the setting sun. A single yellow eye which was easily the size of Kate, blinked, the penetrating stare disappearing underneath a giant scaly eyelid. It’s nostrils flared Kate held her breath, terrified. It's nostrils tasted the air, searching for Kate. A long, rough lizard-like tongue shot out of it’s mouth, revealing sets of giant teeth, sharper than needles and stronger than the greatest steel. Nervously stroking her own dragontooth sword, Hienhelm, Kate waited for the one moment of weakness.

Suddenly, the dragons head snapped around, and it’s jaw gaped wide. Panicking, with no time to think, Kate jammed Hienhelm upwards, striking the dragons jaw, piercing through to the bone. It reeled back in shock and pain, unleashing a great roar which shook the nearby trees. Thinking fast, Kate dived forwards, taking shelter underneath the great bulk of the dragon. Darting past the whipping tail, she ran deeper into the cave, considering her options.

It didn’t look good. Armed with only a small dagger and her wits, she had to take on a fully grown dragon, provided she didn’t want to become lunch. Behind her, heat erupted, fire singeing the back of her neck as the - now enraged - dragon chased her through the twisting tunnels. The fire coloured the surrounding walls a brilliant deep red, but right now Kate really wasn’t in the mood for art appreciation. Rounding a corner, she slammed against it, breathing heavily.

She was standing in the biggest cavern that she had ever seen. On one side, a gigantic waterfall cascaded down, sending up great plumes of water and releasing a fine mist which pervaded the landscape. The rock underfoot was slippery from the runoff, and great stalactites dangled from the ceiling, looking for all the world like she had wondered into the oldest mouth ever. Broken off ends littered the floor, demonstrating the dragons regular flights into the nearby village who had hired her.

But it was the centre of the enormous chamber which really took her breath away. Piles of gold glistened, reflecting the weak sunlight every which way, glittering. So many treasures lay discarded on the heap. Kate spied a crown wrought with silver, inset diamonds and blood red rubies, bent out of shape where a dragon had sat. Further up, a scepter, seemingly made of a single piece of black opal, lay in pieces where it had been used as a giant toothpick. Shaking with rage at the wanton destruction, Kate rested, and prepared to strike.

Erupting from the passage besides her, the dragon, still spewing fire from it’s gaping jaws tumbled into the cavern. Beating it’s wings, it sent powerful down drafts which buffeted Kate, sending her helmet skittering across the ground. Clinging desperately to a curved claw, Kate drew her dagger and used it to help her scale the dragons leg, stabbing it into the scales, not even touching the dragons leathery under-skin.

By the time that she managed to climb onto it’s back, fighting all the way, she was battered, with a probable broken arm. The dragon had completed a ring of the cavern, searching for her. Crawling forwards, clinging to the scales for support, she reached the head, and raising her dagger high, stabbed it into the dragons right eye. 

Writhing underneath her, it fell, screeching in pain, it’s tumbling decent carrying her directly towards the waterfall, and the rock face behind it. Screwing up her eyes, she turned, shielding herself from the blow. With the dragon motionless between her legs, she heard the ice cold water pounding down on her head, echoing around the cavity....

Big, fat drops oozed down the window, a myriad of distorted reflections staring back at Kate as she sat at her desk, bored out of her mind. The reflections showed a pretty face, delicate features, tinted brown with the recent sun. Short cut brown hair streaked with highlights reached almost down to big, full brown eyes. In the background, the sound of Mr. Hopkins droned, a soporific on this late September afternoon. The familiar lint, cracked with age and generations of determined schoolchildren, felt rough beneath her elbow as she waited for the freedom of the bell.

Glancing across the small, cramped classroom, she took it all in, the fading desks, walls plastered with the best the class had to offer - nothing good, nothing really even worth mentioning. Taking in the rest of the class, she noted with a smile her only friend, Ian Gibson scribbling furiously, the only one paying attention. Probably the only person capable of paying attention to Mr. Hopkins. Ignoring the rest of the guys, and the wistful looks that went with them, she returned to her window, and retreated into her imagination for comfort.

Lost in contemplation, she didn’t even notice the rest of the lesson fly past, only rousing for the final lesson bell. Snatching her bag from underneath the desk, she practically sprinted out of the door, desperate to reach the gates. Practically flying down the stairs, thundering as she went, she burst out of the doors, only to find Ian already standing there, cheerfully waving genially to her. He wasn’t even out of breath! She was sure that she would win today. She hadn’t ever beaten him out, not since kindergarten.

The rain had cleared up, and left the air refreshingly cool and crisp as she slowed to a walking pace, panting slightly. Approaching, she raised one hand in acknowledgment of her loss. Again.

“How in Gods name do you do it? You suck at track, like, really suck.”

“Gee, thanks. That’s really nice of you Kate. It’s not like I have feelings or anything.”

Giving him a playful shove, Kate wondered out of the school gates headed for home with him in tow. It was a short walk through broad, tree lined avenues

@Yondaime: No, I meant Predatri. It's like predators, but unique, and more cool-sounding. xD

09-01-2010, 01:50 PM
Over used commas,but I liked the story. I demands moar.

09-02-2010, 04:21 AM
So creative, your new piece. I really like it :D

09-02-2010, 04:56 PM
Very good. Nothing else to say, other than that you are talented in writing. xD