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Kassie
09-23-2009, 05:31 PM
Hey guys! :p I want you to help me with this.
I wrote a new story and I also did new characters and everything for Naruto, so I just want you guys to check it out and see if you like it or not. Every single comment is welcome and helpful to me :p I'm an open mind person, so feel free to say what you think about it. ;)
Oh, and I know I use current villages names, but I already have an approval from Viz :roll:, because this could appear on the actual story! (Could, maybe, option,etc)
Make your comments please!! :p

-Thank you! :p



There was a little clan on the village hidden on the clouds, the Izumi clan. The Izumi clan were nature specialist. Some years back, the Izumi clan makes a pact with nature, they promised to take care of it and nature said it would give them all its power in exchange. Now the Izumi clan main specialties are fire, lightning and thunder, wind, water and land, but some (almost anyone) of the Izumi clan are able to attract insects or animals related to their main skill, and help them, during a battle. Just one person was able to do so, her name was Huru. Huru was Soras mother and one of the persons who made the pact with nature. Sora is the great daughter of the principal leaders of the Izumi clan, a land specialist and the future next leader. She is also Kazuos wife, and mother of the 17 years old Takeshi, and the 8 years old twins Mitsuko and Umiko.

Kazuo originally come from the village hidden in the leaves, he was part of the Uchiha clan. When the clan decided to turn over Konoha, Kazuo decided that he dont want his family to be involved in a war, so he decided to go back to the village hidden in the clouds and raise his children with Soras nonviolent clan.

Couple of days after Kazuos family move with the Izumi clan, Kazuo was very worried because since they left, they didnt know anything about their old clan; so days after, Kazuo sent Takeshi to Konoha to take a look and see what was going on with the clan, but unfortunately, Takeshi got there as the main moment when the clan was getting erased from Konoha. Takeshi get involved and he was killed.

When the Izumi clan heard about this, they told Kazuos family, Mitsuko became very sad, but was more upset than sad because Takeshi was more than her brother, he was her sensei, her friend, her adviser, her all. She tried to convince her father to do something, but because they were part of the Izumi clan they were pacifists, and they wasnt going to accept any kind of vengeance, trouble, or any kind of conduct that conduce a war.

Eight years later, Mitsuko and Umiko now were 16 years old, and they were ninjas from the village hidden in the clouds. Now Mitsuko was a strong and intelligent ninja, and Umiko a skillful ninja with strong herbal medicine knowledge. This wasnt the only news, as the world could not just stop bad news get on Kazuo and his family ears. One guy of the Akatsuki, the guy who kill all of his clan, one of the survivors of the Uchiha clan was dead. When Mitsuko and Umiko heard this, Umiko get really sad, because Takeshi and Mitsuko were really close, and as they were so close she felt they were letting her down. When they were young, her closer cousins were two brothers, once they told Umiko that they loved her as a sister and that they would never let her down. Since that day they became closer, so this news affected Umiko really bad; her oldest brother was dead. Mitsuko became upset because she felt like the few Uchiha members that were left were disappearing and they were just sitting there doing nothing. When Mitsuko ended her arguing with Umiko, their father heard them, and he told them to go and find their only alive cousin and make him go home with them and be a family again because if they didnt do so, it would be too late for him. The day after, the twins were on their way to Konoha to get information and get their cousin, and only alive brother for Umiko. They had to save him and change his dark and sad future of being eaten by vengeance and hate.

ItachiAnbu
09-23-2009, 05:42 PM
Hey guys! :p I want you to help me with this.
I wrote a new story and I also did new characters and everything for Naruto, so I just want you guys to check it out and see if you like it or not. Every single comment is welcome and helpful to me :p I'm an open mind person, so feel free to say what you think about it ;)

-Thank you! :p



There was a little clan on the village hidden on the clouds, the Izumi clan. The Izumi clan is a nature specialist, but they just got that power. Some years back, the Izumi clan makes a pact with the nature, they promise to take care of it and the nature would give them all its power in exchange. Now the Izumi clan main specialties are fire, lightning and thunder, wind, water and land, but some (almost anyone) of the Izumi clan are able to attract insects or animals related to their main skill, and help them, during a battle. But just one person was able to do so, her name was Huru. Huru was Soras mother and one of the persons who make the pact with the nature. Sora is the great daughter of the principal leaders of the Izumi clan, a land specialist and the future next leader, and she is also Kazuos wife, and mother of the 17 years old Takeshi, and the 8 years old twins Mitsuko and Umiko.



Kazuo originally come from the village hidden in the leaves, he was part of the Uchiha clan. But when the clan decided to turn over Konoha, Kazuo decided that he dont want his family to be involved on a war, so he decided to go back to the Village hidden on the clouds and raise his children with Soras pacific clan, what is better than a naturist clan?


After a couple of days after Kazuos family move with the Izumi clan, Kazuo was very worried because since they left, they didnt know anything about their old clan; so days after, Kazuo send Takeshi to Konoha to take a look and see what was going on with the clan, but unfortunately, Takeshi got there on the main moment when the clan was getting erase of Konoha, and Takeshi get involved and he get killed too.


When the Izumi clan heard about this, they told Kazuos family, on that moment Mitsuko get really sad but more upset than sad because Takeshi was more than her brother, he was her sensei, her friend, her advicer, her all; she tried to convince her father to do something, but because they were part of the Izumi clan that makes them pacifists, and they wasnt going to accept any kind of vengeance, trouble, or any kind of conduct that conduce to a war.



Eight years later, Mitsuko and Umiko now were 16 years old, and they were ninjas from the Village hidden on the clouds. Now Mitsuko was a strong and intelligent ninja, and Umiko a skillful ninja with strong herbal medicine knowledge. But this wasnt the only news, as the world cannot just stop a bad new get on Kazuo and his family ears; one guy of the Akatsuki, the guy who kill all his clan, one of the survivors of the Uchiha clan was dead. When Mitsuko and Umiko heard this, Umiko get really sad, because Takeshi and Mitsuko were really close, and as they were so close she feels they were letting her out. When they were kids, her closer cousins were two brothers, once they told Umiko that they love her as a sister and that they would never let her out, since that day they were closer than they use to; so this news affect Umiko really bad, her oldest brother was dead. Mitsuko get really upset because she feel like the few Uchiha members that were left were disappearing and they were just sitting there doing nothing; and when Mitsuko end her arguing with Umiko, their father heard them, and he told them to go and find their only alive cousin and make him go home with them and be a family again because if they dont do so, it would be too late for him. The day after, the twins get on their way to Konoha to get some information and go after their cousin -and only alive brother for Umiko-, save him and change his dark and sad future of being eaten by the vengeance and hate.




This should be in the Fan Fiction section.

Kassie
09-23-2009, 06:22 PM
does that 'Fan Fiction Section' really exist?? :?:

cherryflower
09-23-2009, 06:37 PM
Yes it does, and you need to take out the uchiha clan and kohona and the village hidden in the leaves and I can't rameber if the hidden clouds is a Naruto village or not, (I'm too tired to think right now) But if it is take that out too. There can'y be any naruto copyright stuff. Make up your own villages and clans.

Kassie
09-23-2009, 06:53 PM
Yes it does, and you need to take out the uchiha clan and kohona and the village hidden in the leaves and I can't rameber if the hidden clouds is a Naruto village or not, (I'm too tired to think right now) But if it is take that out too. There can'y be any naruto copyright stuff. Make up your own villages and clans.

Thanks cherryflower :p and don't worry 'bout the villages fact, I already figured out that fact and its not a problem ;)

Kakashi-Hatake
09-23-2009, 06:56 PM
It's copyright, like cherryflower said. Please change it or something. Also, the village hidden in the clouds is a village.

Kassie
09-23-2009, 07:02 PM
It's copyright, like cherryflower said. Please change it or something. Also, the village hidden in the clouds is a village.

Like I said before.. I already make sure that the villages fact is NOT a problem.. I already consul VIZ staff, I have VIZ approval.

Kakashi-Hatake
09-23-2009, 07:03 PM
Okay, never mind then.

EDIT: If you are lying...I will come to get you.

Kassie
03-27-2010, 05:17 PM
Hey guys(:
I still need some comments :(
..I'll be more than happy and thankful if you make a comment(:
p l e a s e(:

SRhyse
03-27-2010, 05:27 PM
It seems like it would be a good setup for a story, but the real 'story' of it hasn't really begun in what you've posted here in this thread so far. You have a really interesting intro to alot of potentially cool ninja action and drama. I'd like to read it, so the most constructive criticism I can give you is to either-

-Go into more detail and write the summary you have so far out as if it were, say, an actual episode or chapter, rather than a description

-Continue the story from where you left off, as what you have so far is more of an introduction to a story than a whole story. It's like you're trying to make a sandwich, and you've got some really great bread, but you need to put more in it for it to count as a sandwich, ya know?

Kuroda Taishi
03-28-2010, 07:41 AM
It seems like it would be a good setup for a story, but the real 'story' of it hasn't really begun in what you've posted here in this thread so far. You have a really interesting intro to alot of potentially cool ninja action and drama. I'd like to read it, so the most constructive criticism I can give you is to either-

-Go into more detail and write the summary you have so far out as if it were, say, an actual episode or chapter, rather than a description

-Continue the story from where you left off, as what you have so far is more of an introduction to a story than a whole story. It's like you're trying to make a sandwich, and you've got some really great bread, but you need to put more in it for it to count as a sandwich, ya know?

How come you have never given me such detailed feedback? xD

Twisterty
03-28-2010, 07:44 AM
I liked it, but in some parts the story need uplift. I jus can't put my finger on it though..

garra12345
03-28-2010, 07:46 AM
Good so far but get into more detail and it would be a better story than it is now.