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obitobi
08-08-2009, 07:15 PM
Okay, so I have made some things that were not supposed to be on here(like using actual characters in different stories)... but that was in the past so please read this...

The greatest laugh heard was not of happiness. It was of guilt and insanity that it was uttered. A figure of crimson lined his shadow... he didnt have a soul so it seemed. But one day he appeared at a cemetary, laying a newborn baby boy by a headstone that read his name:
rest in peace my son
Himo Ozuki
As he layed the infant on his back, it laughed... and then so did the father... he laughed not of guilt... but of happiness...

The boy was raised and cared for by an adopted abusive father, Himo's uncle, and no other parent figure. He farmed out on the fields to make decent money to feed himself. he wasnt an adopted kid, more like a slave. Every night at dusk he would sneak out the window. He was trained by an old hermit living in the southern mountains.
The hermit was especially hard on Himo. Himo one day went home, to find his uncle screaming at himo... this is what himo said...
"Up yours old man," and in the same breath, cut the mans head off...
It was himo who went to the hermit the next day. He wanted to learn the secret art of ninjustu. the hermit glared at him of unease. "I have but one request," the hermit said. "You must become my assassin." Himo looked at him strangely and said,"okay... ill do it."


I wanna get input, so please post!

assassin
08-08-2009, 09:10 PM
im a little confused.

when did Himo get an abusive father?

obitobi
08-08-2009, 09:44 PM
im a little confused.

when did Himo get an abusive father?
he was adopted. u like it?:D

obitobi
08-08-2009, 09:49 PM
nobody likes it? :cry: im sad... i hope people do...

assassin
08-09-2009, 12:54 AM
well it isn't awful but you just went to happy to abusive father in an instant without explaining it.

you need to explain how it happens. no where does it say Himo was adopted.

maybe have his original parents die and he gets raised by an abusive uncle or something. makes much more sense to me.

just a thought

Rogue Priestess
08-09-2009, 01:17 AM
Uh ... Wow ... It's a good story, but you dhould add more background, like what happened to his parents or what made his father so abusive.

obitobi
08-11-2009, 07:48 AM
thx, im not that good so i like this input!

assassin
08-14-2009, 07:59 PM
is this story dead or are you gonna keep working on it?

obitobi
08-15-2009, 09:27 AM
im gonna keep it going. it will go on when im notso busy. like this monday probably.