PDA

View Full Version : I creepy story I created.


ベーゼル
08-05-2009, 12:46 PM
Warning
Story may contain violent, and inappropriate words not suited for youth. +14
You been warned.
Sorry for any horrible illustrator skills.
let see your opinion what will happen in the next chapter?

CHAPTER 5 and 6 are now available. I think chapter 5 and 6 are my worst for some reason but there they are. Enjoy.

Part 1
Three in the morning everyone was a sleep. I was sitting in my computer desk, enjoying my daily debating. I suddenly feel a sense of cold thick air, giving me the shiver. I went to see if the windows were shut. Once I came into my kitchen, I though I hear a voice calling my name from outside of my window. Then I opened my window to see if I could hear it again. No sound of life was out there, so I decided to go onto my computer. While my short walk to the desktop, I felt a another weird breeze. I look at my front door and it's wide open. I started to wonder how it open with out it even making a sound? I would had notice it? I started to panic and went to shut the door immediately.

Discuss question: Oh my what will to me?

Part 2
Once I went to the door I was blown away from it. I tried going upstairs to my bed to telling my parent about it, but I couldn't. I decides to yell so they could hear me. There was no sign of them. I then decided to call the emergency number. I dialed 911, and I wasn't able to get any connection to it. I then hear my phone ring so I answer it. "Heeeelllooo..." in such a despicable voice. I knew it was just my friend playing around with me, since they do it every night at 3:30AM. I just hung up on him and called 911 on my cell phone since it works. When the emergency line pick up. I ask "I need cops here immediately". "I'm dealing with some weird issue and quite unsolvable". "Could you help?" The emergency line got cut off. I started hearing the despicable voice again. Call my name. "I yell who the hell are you, and what do you want with me. Stop goofing another and explain yourself."

Discuss question: Was that my friend or is it some idiot on the phone?

Part 3
"Hehe, I'm not telling." said the person on the phone. I said to him "leave me alone, bastard."
I had enough of your silly call every night. He said bye <newfriend>. I said, screw you, I could care less about you. Your just immature, please grow up. He hung up. I was tick off and worried. I went to
the kitchen to get something to eat and calm myself. I then went on my television to see what the hell is going on. News "Good morning, breaking news. There are almost no connection anywhere, if anyone can hear this. Please listen up." new reporter said. Oh my god, What the hell was that. I flip to another channel another channel. Off air... "eehh she was right everyone is losing connection." Hopefully I'm not alone. This is just bizarre. My parent and sister can't hear me, and the door magically opens. Along with that, I can't shut it.

Discuss question: Hmm, will we get to find out what happen to the reporter?

Part 4
An idea came to me, I could of gone to my backyard. Suddenly I though again, who will be a wake to watch the house if the door was not lock. I left anyways, and took my bicycle to go to the police company. It was two kilometer away from my home. On my way I hear many accidents. So I went there instead of going to the police company. There was no police yet, I ask the women who was there. "uumm did you call the 911 yet?" The young women replied. "Yes, an hour ago". "Who are you anyways?" I told her, "I'm Basil, I don't live to far from here and I have a concern to ask." I ask her "what in earth is going on?" She was totally lost. I told her. "The fact that my door is magically opening and blown me away. It's weird and am nervous to see what might happen, if I came home.

Discuss question: Will the police still come or should I go after them?

Part 5
The man by the young women said "I hear the police, I think there coming this way." "Yes they are coming". The young women said. The polices drove towards us as they saw the accident. While they drove toward us the young women start hearing voices. I ask her what's wrongs, you don't look so well. There calling my name, Tisha! In a way I hear before". Said the young women. "Your name is Tisha"? I ask. "Yes, my name is Tisha and that voices sound so familiar". I ask her "the voice. "The voice you hear. What do they speak of." "What do they speak of! They say eighty two people will die and I'm one of them." said Tisha. The polices arrived and got of there vehicle and ask the young women "what happen and were you the one in the vehicle?" She didn't wanted to speak for some reason. The officer comes to me and ask me "Do you have any idea what happen sir". I said politely "No I don't. All I know from what she told me was she got into an accident with that man over there. She also told me her hearing strange voices that haunts her. I do have another question of my own concern. My house door is wide open and it doesn't let me out from the inside. I didn't try going through the inside. I was to worried of getting a police but there were no sign of contact from where I lived. While I couldn't go through my front door from the inside. Which I came here to ask Tisha if there were any officer here. Then you two police officer came along". "In that case my partner could head over there and investage while I finish this accident case". The police man said. While I and his partner walk into the car. I hear Tisha yelling "wait for me". I ask her "why do you want to come along"? Tisha said "I must find out the voice I was hearing. It could have some connection toward you". "I don't understand how would you have any connection towards this? How can I trust those voice you hear were true". Tisha replies "can't your also be a theory or a lie. After all your only a kid, what could you possibly understand". I said "I'm not a kid I'm clearly sixteen". "Besides what is there to lie about. You already have one problem why make it another one". Tisha said "This isn't my accident I was just a witness". I said "Why would you say it was your accident"? "Your really hard to understand. Fine come along if you wish!" While we hope on and drove off to my house. The car engine were on fire. The police park the car in the middle of the high way and had the enemency sign on. While the police open the engine she pull out her lighter as she continues to opening the engine to fix it. The police officer seem to struggle to open it. I ask the police officer do you need any help". She replied "No thanks." As the police officer open the engine she drop the lighter while there were oil spilt inside the engine". The car was explode while we were sitting the back. During that minutes there was no lives left for us.

Part 6
"Hah! That was only a dream"! I said. These dreams. The dreams I obtain every night seem so real. I even have the injuries". My mother said "Are you okay, you been sleeping for eighty two hours". I said "Eight two"? That sound so familiar". My mother ask "Are you okay, you been sleeping for eighty two hours". Yes, mom I'm fine! My mother ask the same thing again. I begin to worry and ran downstair to my door. While I was near the front door it didn't blown me away. I got on my shoes and quickly open the front to run away from my house. I had no place I wanted to go but I clearly didn't wish to stay at home and be haunted for life. I ran to where car usually were but for some reason there were no car or anyone. I begin to think I've died and living in the haunted world. Where I myself must haunt the Earth. I begin to starve and lose many hope in returning to the past. I was starving, I had nothing to do but go back to my house to continue investigating and also get some food. While I walk into my kitchen someone from hidden had a knife toward me. I hesitated and could not speak. The person behind me ask "who the hell are you"? I replied I'm Basil, and I have no idea what going on. I... myself don't know who you are"? The man behind me push me to the floor and grab on to my shirt and ask me another question. "How are you here! This area is strictly dangerous." I replied this is my home. I came back from the main street but no car or anyone were found. Then I began to starve and came home to get some food. After that I bump into you"! Well I'm Hiroshi. I can help you return to the pass". I ask him "What date is it? You said return to the pass"? Hiroshi replied "You have no clue you were in the future"? I replied "How am I suppose to know! When almost everything I've been through seemed strange but not noticeable". Hiroshi replied "hmm, that strange. Come follow me, I'll lead you somewhere save". I said I'm starving, let me get some food from my fridge". Horoshi saids "there no time for that. We must head out now before they come. knock knock knock... Dam it, there here. Let go through the back and run to the highway and hope to find a car to drive off". As we jump over the fence and hope onto a car and drove off. I hear some ticking noise. I ask Hiroshi "do you hear those ticking noises"? Hiroshi says "jump out now the car now!" I ask him "Why"! Hiroshi said "just do it" and he pushes me out the car. The car blown up from a bomb" as he push me. I said "that was unexpected and Hiroshi are you okay"? Hiroshi said "next time I tell you to do something listen! God dam it!" I said "Sorry!". As there were no faster way of transpartation near by we walk our way to the water fall. Where we stay for the night and got some fish to eat. As we were sitting and enjoying our dinner. I ask him "Do you know anything or how I could have fallen into the future"? Hiroshi said "I have no idea but I recognize the same occurrences. It seems as I saw your face somewhere before". I said "You have seen me before? I never hear or seen you before"! Hiroshi said "don't worry about that as long as were both still alive. Let us both head to bed. We have a long day tomorrow." I said I wonder where he has seen me before.

Could I know some of the opinion you think so far, did it spook you out, or was it not so good? I don't mine to hear the negative comment that is how I will improve in my next chapter.

Vatanui AKA Pride
08-05-2009, 12:48 PM
Seems good so far.

Lou!e
08-05-2009, 12:48 PM
Sounds like a ghost : ). Oh noes!

ベーゼル
08-05-2009, 01:06 PM
ok got part 2

jounin
08-05-2009, 01:08 PM
nice story, ill be waiting for the next chapter

Vatanui AKA Pride
08-05-2009, 01:11 PM
I can't wait for Chapter Three!

ベーゼル
08-05-2009, 01:11 PM
nice story, ill be waiting for the next chapter
Thanks, I'll probably do more later, just might come up with some idea first.

ベーゼル
08-05-2009, 01:12 PM
After all could I know some of the opinion you think so far, did it spook you out, or was it not so good? I don't mine to hear the negative comment that is how I will improve in my next chapter.

Lou!e
08-05-2009, 01:52 PM
Needs to be more spookier!

NaruSakufluff4ever
08-05-2009, 03:41 PM
be more descriptive with the scary stuff, or maybe its just me cause sometimes reading stuff gives me no emotion

ベーゼル
08-05-2009, 03:43 PM
be more descriptive with the scary stuff, or maybe its just me cause sometimes reading stuff gives me no emotion
ok, thanks for the tip. I'll try that on my next part.

NaruSakufluff4ever
08-05-2009, 04:17 PM
ok and also dont forget to use quotation marks or whatever they are called they look like this " " when a character talks

SakuraGirl
08-05-2009, 04:19 PM
ok this good

ベーゼル
08-06-2009, 10:46 AM
ok and also dont forget to use quotation marks or whatever they are called they look like this " " when a character talks
Then again it's just my self but ya i will, i am not that great at english so my english may not be as good. Thanks for the advise.

Vatanui AKA Pride
08-06-2009, 10:49 AM
Hey, when will you write your next chapter?

mangagirl
08-06-2009, 10:50 AM
i like ur story

ベーゼル
08-06-2009, 10:53 AM
Hey, when will you write your next chapter?
I'll write one now. Just been debating all day.

i like ur story
Thanks

Vatanui AKA Pride
08-06-2009, 10:54 AM
Alright then...can't wait!

ベーゼル
08-06-2009, 12:34 PM
Created two chapters 3 and 4 enjoy, and answer those question if you like.

Vatanui AKA Pride
08-06-2009, 12:45 PM
Yay!
A new character!

akatsuki12495
09-18-2009, 05:31 AM
plz write more i enjoy this story cause ive been pushed out of a door befor then the door locked...i was home....alone

ベーゼル
09-28-2009, 06:07 PM
Chapter 5 and 6 are now available to read.