Fantasy Battle Contest: Voting The Winner!

[Naruto321]

Hey guys,

5 People have submitted their hard work of their fantasy battle stories.

They have done their job and now it is your job to vote which one is the best story. Only 3 people can win the contest and the ones who didn't will receive a trophy for their hard work.

Now the users who submitted are:

Cloukora
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6241235&postcount=6

LilHinataGirl
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6241530&postcount=7

joon61
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6124817&postcount=2

trouble88
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6273490&postcount=11

pokeruto
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6296265&postcount=12

some of their stories are pretty long, so please give in your time to read them so you can properly vote.

RULES

-Do not ask other users to vote for you. If so then the result will be an immediate disqualification.

-Do not post anything other than a discussion about someone else's submission, fail to do so a warning will be given.

-If you have question about the contest, you can ask here: http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=118237

[LilHinataGirl]

Yay xD I've been waiting for this day!
/tears of joy

Edit: btw love cloukoras story! Good job bro!!

[pokeruto]

@ LilHinata, the vote for yourself won't count in the end. The only reason I'm pointing that out is because I did it too T_T, haha

But what I really wanted to say was I agree. I really wish I could take my vote off and vote for Cloukora. It was really fun and awesome story, and I think he really nailed all the characters that he put in there.

[LilHinataGirl]

Lol yeah as long as I get 2nd place I don't mind I want the poster BADLY!!

But yes he did and I believe his is good! Did you read mine? (:

[pokeruto]

Yes I did. Overall I really liked it.

I thought it was the most professionally written (if that makes sense), and I really liked the relationship between Tetsu and Alice.

To be completely honest, I didn't think the action was gripping enough, but I really liked the concept, especially since it was something original has not been worn out (which happens just too much with fantasy battle, specifically shonen, in my opinion).

Now, what'd you think of mine? If you read it, haha

[LilHinataGirl]

Yes I did. Overall I really liked it.

I thought it was the most professionally written (if that makes sense), and I really liked the relationship between Tetsu and Alice.

To be completely honest, I didn't think the action was gripping enough, but I really liked the concept, especially since it was something original has not been worn out (which happens just too much with fantasy battle, specifically shonen, in my opinion).

Now, what'd you think of mine? If you read it, haha
Thanks so much !!!

I love writing so it's a habit when I wanna use my words thoroughly !! There relationship will develop more in the the 2nd part and you will defently see more action ... In the 2nd part you find out more on the past of Mimi and micc ... Plus the mysterious control of the fire wielder... I had to keep it up to 5 or 6 characters and there are more characters... Cause of the villains ... But I really appreciate your opinion it makes me happy!!

I will read it now haha (:

[Cloukora]

Yay xD I've been waiting for this day!
/tears of joy

Edit: btw love cloukoras story! Good job bro!!
Thank you :D I loved yours too ._. it was very interesting. I WANT MOAR!
@ LilHinata, the vote for yourself won't count in the end. The only reason I'm pointing that out is because I did it too T_T, haha

But what I really wanted to say was I agree. I really wish I could take my vote off and vote for Cloukora. It was really fun and awesome story, and I think he really nailed all the characters that he put in there.

Thanks, I actually need to read yours and everyone elses ._. It's only right if I vote too xD If I could have added one more character, I would have done a huge boss battle ._. Oh, I didn't know if people knew or not, but Deathstroke is like DC's Deadpool lol. That's why I put both of them in there like that xD

[LilHinataGirl]

@cloukora thanks!!! Hehe I'm gonna make more tomorrow actually n then ima write it on my Facebook haha

[Cloukora]

if you plan on publishing it, make sure to copyright it :P

[LilHinataGirl]

Defently will, hope your one of the first buyers for my book (: lol which I really will make it a hit haha ... (Blames all the story lines and anime cause of my crazy imagination ) :lol:

[Cloukora]

As long as you buy mine too `:P lol but I will

[pokeruto]

Thanks so much !!!

I love writing so it's a habit when I wanna use my words thoroughly !! There relationship will develop more in the the 2nd part and you will defently see more action ... In the 2nd part you find out more on the past of Mimi and micc ... Plus the mysterious control of the fire wielder... I had to keep it up to 5 or 6 characters and there are more characters... Cause of the villains ... But I really appreciate your opinion it makes me happy!!

I will read it now haha (:

Yes, with that second part I think it'll be perfect.

And my story was the preliminary version of a story board for a manga series that I want to make.

The final story boards have a lot more characters and plot twists, but I used the preliminary version so that it could fit into the contest conditions. I also had to convert it from dialogue to narrative, so my prose might be pretty bad, :|. I'm looking for an artist, since I can't really draw, but I'm hoping to at least make a good one-shot.

[LilHinataGirl]

@cloukora hell yeah!!
@poke I got kinda lazy but to tell you the truth it had a very professional touch on it and I believe if you did a little more you could be a very talented author!

[pokeruto]

@cloukora hell yeah!!
@poke I got kinda lazy but to tell you the truth it had a very professional touch on it and I believe if you did a little more you could be a very talented author!

Thank you so much :D! It means a lot having it come from someone with such great writing.

I wish more people entered this contest, though. It would have been even more fun.

[LilHinataGirl]

@poke a lot of people did but they forgot to write and ended up forgetting sadly I was one but I did a fast in thought story and made it in less then a day with a short plot in mind.

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

I considered entering, but it seemed like it would be unfair. That and I have a lot of time that I have to focus on college.

[LilHinataGirl]

Ah ah I see...

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

Cloukora: The battle itself was good, but other parts of your story irked me. There were a couple spots where you used run on sentences or mixed up past and present tense. The final battle, while interesting, was sort of anti-climatic. The idea of fighting those four was interesting, but they all seemed to be defeated too easily. I was however interested that you let Sakairith get the final kill. One thing I want to ask though, what was the plot? I know there were zombies and trying to take over the Earth, but it still felt like it could have used more.

[trouble88]

Cloukora was pretty unlike my which kind of bad. honestly this my first writing fantasy battle like story.

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

LilHinataGirl: You have an interesting story, I will say that now. However, the way you present the story makes it sort of confusing. Not because of the story itself but the way you structure your sentences and paragraphs. There were times were I had to reread to figure out what was happening to who, who was doing what or who was saying what. I understood it in the end, but it could be improved. One thing I would recommend is to separate your paragraphs so that only one person says something in each paragraph. I would also recommend that when you have more than two people in a scene that you call them by their names instead of 'he' or 'she'. You didn't really get enough time to have the characters sink home for me, but it could be an interesting story and I like the set up for the next chapter.


joon61: Yours is too long for me to read right now. I want to commend you on putting in the effort to make it that long though. I can tell that you really tried to make something good. I might try to read it later on, but for now, I think it's only fair for me to give you a thumbs up and give you credit for doing as much as you did.

[LilHinataGirl]

LilHinataGirl: You have an interesting story, I will say that now. However, the way you present the story makes it sort of confusing. Not because of the story itself but the way you structure your sentences and paragraphs. There were times were I had to reread to figure out what was happening to who, who was doing what or who was saying what. I understood it in the end, but it could be improved. One thing I would recommend is to separate your paragraphs so that only one person says something in each paragraph. I would also recommend that when you have more than two people in a scene that you call them by their names instead of 'he' or 'she'. You didn't really get enough time to have the characters sink home for me, but it could be an interesting story and I like the set up for the next chapter.

Thanks man Ill take your advice I know I'm good but I'm not that good where I can compare to talented authors I read a lot... Instead of just sitting there you expressed what you felt on my story and I like that so I think I will practice more. (:

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

No problem.

trouble: You have some similar flaws that the first two had. Your sentence structure was a bit off, making it a little difficult to understand who was saying what and what was going on. Like with LHG's story though, I was able to understand it. I liked the rivalry you set up between you and Jaffle as well as the fact that you actually made your enemy kind of powerful. On the downside, your story suffers too much from Pokemonitis. I like that you made a Pokemon fanfic, but I would have liked to see you really put your own spin on it. I felt like I was reading Ash going on one of his normal journeys with a different name.

[Cloukora]

Cloukora: The battle itself was good, but other parts of your story irked me. There were a couple spots where you used run on sentences or mixed up past and present tense. The final battle, while interesting, was sort of anti-climatic. The idea of fighting those four was interesting, but they all seemed to be defeated too easily. I was however interested that you let Sakairith get the final kill. One thing I want to ask though, what was the plot? I know there were zombies and trying to take over the Earth, but it still felt like it could have used more.
Yeah, I kinda rushed it like most people here lol. I imagined the fights much more intense and fast paced, but it was just hard to put into actual writing, I'm not that good yet. I should have been more clear on the plot line, but it was basically the four enemies trying to take over the world (Superhero cliche FTW!) and Cloukora and Sakairith trying to stop them. If I could include more characters I think the plot could have been better. But that's no excuse to write a sucky plot lol.

I read through the other stories, and I enjoyed reading all of them. I couldn't finish joon's because it was too long xD

Trouble: I liked the story and I honestly was surprised at how well it was written, you write the opposite when you're chatting. There were a few grammar mistakes here and there, but I think how good the story was written triumphs that. But of course that doesn't mean to not fix them! I thought the end was weird how she left Kyurem behind like that to find more powerful pokemon, cause it took 4 of her own to defeat it. I also thought it was interesting how you made the main character lose in the battle with Jaffle, that doesn't happen most of the time.

joon: Dude, your story is really interesting, but I'm sorry it's kinda hard to understand. I get who's talking somewhat, but having an "I" perspective for one character then switching to another character makes it hard to follow. If I have time, I'll continue reading, but from what I read so far, that seems like the biggest issue.

pokeruto: I loved it. That's all I have to say on it. You created a whole new world and I love stories like that.

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

At least you can understand where I was coming from them. It just seems weird to see those four badass villains defeated so easily.


Right now, I'm leaning toward LHG's story because its originality, but I have to read pokeruto's still.

[mrsticky005]

what is the due date for voting?

[LilHinataGirl]

Yeah I am curious when the due date for the voting

[Maruko]

I really like Clou's. He gets my vote.
I actually thought about posting a short story I wrote, but you wouldn't understand it because it's in Serbian, and I can't speak English very well to translate it. :/

[Naruto321]

what is the due date for voting?

Yeah I am curious when the due date for the voting

Well the poll started on October 14th. So it will end on November 14th

[LilHinataGirl]

Ahhh that's awesome! Good luck to my competitors~! ...

Btw to people who liked the first part on my story I have actually started part 2 and will be posting it soon so please be patient (;

[pokeruto]

pokeruto: I loved it. That's all I have to say on it. You created a whole new world and I love stories like that.

Thanks Clou, I appreciate it :D!

So there's still a little less than a month left. I love that there's a lot of time for people to check out the contest and read all the stories.....but this wait is making me so impatient!

Must. Just. Stop. Thinking about it.`@x)

And I'll be sure to read that part 2, LHG.

[LilHinataGirl]

Thanks poke
Ima do a seperate thread and post my whole story on it (well book one anyway)

[gaara lover 24]

umm..guys where can i read ur stories???i wanna read everyonez..

[Naruto321]

umm..guys where can i read ur stories???i wanna read everyonez..

http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=6296722&postcount=1

[LilHinataGirl]

What he said lol xD^

[LilHinataGirl]

It feels like this need to be brought back to life :p
Just a sayin lol

[trouble88]

no no please none need see my bad story hinata

[LilHinataGirl]

Your story isn't bad :3

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

pokeruto: Finally read your story. It was pretty interesting, one thing I will say though is that the plot was kind of cliche. The whole thing with good and evil and the main characters basically all focused on peace and protecting friends. It was nice to see characters personalities differ and they were pretty good. I just would have liked their resolve to be more than just looking for peace. It was good, but the ending was kind of either anti-climatic or a cliffhanger. In which case, I can't give you my full opinion without the final chapter. If that was the end though, then I feel the ending messes up the story. One more thing I will say is that the way you wrote was kind of bunched up which left me confused and needing to reread in a couple spots.



Anyways, I have to go with LilHinataGirl because I felt she had the most original writing. She kept the story interesting and gave some cool characters. I'd actually like to read further with hers. Actually, I'd like to see more of trouble's too, even if it wasn't very original.

[pokeruto]

pokeruto: Finally read your story. It was pretty interesting, one thing I will say though is that the plot was kind of cliche. The whole thing with good and evil and the main characters basically all focused on peace and protecting friends. It was nice to see characters personalities differ and they were pretty good. I just would have liked their resolve to be more than just looking for peace. It was good, but the ending was kind of either anti-climatic or a cliffhanger. In which case, I can't give you my full opinion without the final chapter. If that was the end though, then I feel the ending messes up the story. One more thing I will say is that the way you wrote was kind of bunched up which left me confused and needing to reread in a couple spots.



Anyways, I have to go with LilHinataGirl because I felt she had the most original writing. She kept the story interesting and gave some cool characters. I'd actually like to read further with hers. Actually, I'd like to see more of trouble's too, even if it wasn't very original.

Thank you very much for your opinion!
I really appreciate that you took time to read my story and even give this feedback.

Yes, the criticism that I feared the most was that the plot would be too cliche. But did you say that the characters were good? Or were they cliche?
And what about the concept (i.e. Soul Drive, Soul War, Anzunder, etc.). Did you find that original?

As for the ending, I agree. I read the story again a couple of days ago, and I stopped the story at a bad place. It is actually supposed to go on longer, but I thought that would be the best place to stop it to make a good length for the contest, but I guess I just rushed to submit. I think I should have made at leas a paragraph that ties things up.....
If I made a story with the same characters and the same concept but with a more complex and original plot as well as a better (real) ending, then would it be much better, or should I just scrap this idea?

It's just that this story is the preliminary version of some story boards I created. The current version of the story it the story I submitted, but with more characters, character development, plot twists,and chapters, and I just want to make it the best story (manga) that I can make.
Thanks :)

[Cloukora]

When it introduced the bad guy I'm just like no, don't do it! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! NO! NOOOO! The good guy part surprised me, I had thought about if he was really a bad guy as well, but I didn't even think about how he would bring peace about. I probably confused you, I just don't to reveal much for the other readers xD
An idea though: When the bad guy is "discovered" don't have him just admit to being a bad guy, have him try to confuse the other characters. The classic "Who is the real bad guy" because that IS a tough decision to make when you don't know who's telling the truth. Just my thought. You don't have to follow it.

[LilHinataGirl]

My my I wish I could write more on the 2nd story lol but I got grounded off my phone bahahahahahahaha and I'm using my mamas iPad lol but yay thanks Maik I appreciate it (:

[LilHinataGirl]

This thread must LIVE!

[pokeruto]

When it introduced the bad guy I'm just like no, don't do it! DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! NO! NOOOO! The good guy part surprised me, I had thought about if he was really a bad guy as well, but I didn't even think about how he would bring peace about. I probably confused you, I just don't to reveal much for the other readers xD
An idea though: When the bad guy is "discovered" don't have him just admit to being a bad guy, have him try to confuse the other characters. The classic "Who is the real bad guy" because that IS a tough decision to make when you don't know who's telling the truth. Just my thought. You don't have to follow it.

Thanks Clouk, I appreciate the feedback! :D

And I honestly love the idea. It'll add more suspense just with a little tweak. I'll definitely implement it. And now your name can be somewhere near mine in the credits XD. I understand what you meant, except is the "good guy part" Katsuo?

[Cloukora]

Thanks Clouk, I appreciate the feedback! :D

And I honestly love the idea. It'll add more suspense just with a little tweak. I'll definitely implement it. And now your name can be somewhere near mine in the credits XD. I understand what you meant, except is the "good guy part" Katsuo?
Nah, you don't need to credit me xD I can't remember the names, but I believe so. The one who wanted to bring peace to the world


It looks like LHG is winning. I knew I should have created something original! xD Jk, I had fun writing something laidback and not that original. I think more people need to vote though ._.

[Naruto321]

There's a tie between that. So I need more votes. Probably get one of the quasi's to vote ot something before the poll closes

[Cloukora]

Wait, we're tied? I mean even subtracting LHG's vote for herself, she's still ahead.

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

I don't see how 6-5 or 7-5 is a tie. [o.o]

I already voted as a quasi.

[Devroux]

Face. :lol:

[Naruto321]

I don't see how 6-5 or 7-5 is a tie. [o.o]

I already voted as a quasi.

Yea I see that

But someone had 4 votes and someone else had 4 votes.

Wait, we're tied? I mean even subtracting LHG's vote for herself, she's still ahead.

That's correct

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

Oh, so are we deciding between two entries still?

[LilHinataGirl]

Ooooo interesting 0:

[joon61]

LilHinataGirl: You have an interesting story, I will say that now. However, the way you present the story makes it sort of confusing. Not because of the story itself but the way you structure your sentences and paragraphs. There were times were I had to reread to figure out what was happening to who, who was doing what or who was saying what. I understood it in the end, but it could be improved. One thing I would recommend is to separate your paragraphs so that only one person says something in each paragraph. I would also recommend that when you have more than two people in a scene that you call them by their names instead of 'he' or 'she'. You didn't really get enough time to have the characters sink home for me, but it could be an interesting story and I like the set up for the next chapter.


joon61: Yours is too long for me to read right now. I want to commend you on putting in the effort to make it that long though. I can tell that you really tried to make something good. I might try to read it later on, but for now, I think it's only fair for me to give you a thumbs up and give you credit for doing as much as you did.
I ended it in a part. In a month or so,there will be a second part to it with new characters so keep reading.;)

[LilHinataGirl]

Yayay contest should be ending today right right? (:

Edit: there's a 3 way tie for last O: ... Good luck :3

[LilHinataGirl]

Well I'm trying to bring this back to life! But damn tied for first ... Vote people for which you like so we can even out the winners :3

[Cloukora]

FFF I was ahead! D: xD
Yes, people, VOTE! NAO

[pokeruto]

FFF I was ahead! D: xD
Yes, people, VOTE! NAO

Yes....please........vote... :'( lol

Doesn't the contest end on the 14th?

[LilHinataGirl]

^ he said on the 12th which is today haha!! I know your pain clou!!

[Naruto321]

But you do see that it says the poll ends on the 14th

Hinata, your still tied with Cloukora because you voted for yourself. So your tied at the moment.

[trouble88]

damn I in third place o.o awesome

[LilHinataGirl]

@naruto I know we're tied xD!! We need them voters lol n I thought it ended on the 12th oh well I just had a blonde moment hahaha

[trouble88]

damn look like I finish 3rd place o.o is that a good thing?

[joon61]

I finshed in last. I know it was because my story was too long to read. And it's still not even finished.:lol:

[LilHinataGirl]

I'm tied with Clou :lol: I don't mind if he gets first place I wanted 2nd place prizes :cool:

[trouble88]

congt hinata ^^ you did great did

[LilHinataGirl]

Thanks trouble :3!!!

[Naruto321]

I will announce the winners today 8pm EST

[LilHinataGirl]

Alright :3!!

[Naruto321]

Ok guys, I will now announce the winners:

1st place goes to......

Cloukora

You will receive a Gold Medal

2nd place goes to......

LilHinataGirl

You will receive a Silver Medal

And last but not least, 3rd place goes to......

trouble88

You will receive a Bronze Medal


CONGRATS YOU GUYS

Thank you for submitting your well thought Fantasy Battle Stories.

All of you have done really well. But the people who haven't won anything, dont worry about it. You guys will receive a trophy for your hard earned work. Same for the others who did win.

The people who have won a prize, please PM your address.

This thread will be closed tomorrow.

[trouble88]

awesome I finish 3rd place congts to Cloukora and LilHinataGirl for winning as well ^^

[LilHinataGirl]

2nd place prize ... Yay thank you Naruto it was a fun event hope we get to do more interesting contests :3!!!

[Naruto321]

No problem.

I just wanted you guys to have mostly. But to give you a hint, I may have more prizes as well for future contests. ;)

[trouble88]

like CA I hope?

[LilHinataGirl]

Yay I can't wait to see all those prizes and fun :3 !!! Btw to trouble. Clou congrats !!

[Naruto321]

like CA I hope?

CA????

[trouble88]

custome avatar 321

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

So, did we decide to give LHG second place because she wanted the prize for second place?

[LilHinataGirl]

Bahhhhhh ... I didn't mind second Maik ... But I am curious I got it xD.. Well I couldn't go for first place anyway cause I'd end up selling the game anyway cause I don't have a PSP v_v ...

[Naruto321]

custome avatar 321

Oh I see. Well for custom avatars, we do have that avatar request thread. So I guess there's no need for that. But I will come up with some better prizes. ;)

So, did we decide to give LHG second place because she wanted the prize for second place?

Bahhhhhh ... I didn't mind second Maik ... But I am curious I got it xD.. Well I couldn't go for first place anyway cause I'd end up selling the game anyway cause I don't have a PSP v_v ...

If I remember correctly, she was hoping she would get the second place prize. So I was thinking that I should give her 2nd place because she didn't mind.

Sorry for any misunderstanding

[Maikeru D. Shinigami]

Alright, I figured that was the reason there was no tiebreaker.

Though, I still say LHG's story was worthy of first prize.

[trouble88]

just one thing 321 I have sub-forum banned for trolling too much

[LilHinataGirl]

@Maik your so kind :'D ...

[Naruto321]

As you can see, lilhinata voted for herself which gives ber the lead. So there was a tie between Cloukora and herself.

@trouble: which sub forum?

@maik: I see where you're coming from. But like I said, this isn't the end of all contests. I assure you that there will be more and better prizes ;)

[Cloukora]

Thank you LHG, but you should get the congrats cause you really got 1st place :3
It was a good and close contest. You did awesome :D

[trouble88]

As you can see, lilhinata voted for herself which gives ber the lead. So there was a tie between Cloukora and herself.

@trouble: which sub forum?

@maik: I see where you're coming from. But like I said, this isn't the end of all contests. I assure you that there will be more and better prizes ;)

the whole Leaf Police HQ sub forum and MOTM

[Naruto321]

I have brought this in with the higher ups. PM me letting me know if everything is done!

[trouble88]

okay I will naruto

[pokeruto]

Congrats everyone! I'm out of town for a competition of my own, but I just saw everything on my phone. Congratulations Clouk, LHG, and trouble!

[LilHinataGirl]

Thanks poke!!! I understand the feel I'm using my phone as well to be on here

[joon61]

Oh well. Congradulations too all!!!!:)

[LilHinataGirl]

Thanksss

[joon61]

Sure. My story is not over yet. I will begin making more chapters in january. Are any of you gonna continue your storys?

[trouble88]

thanks guy >/////<

[LilHinataGirl]

I actually am ... Since mines am original and I like the story a lot by the characters I've already continued!! This is book one out of the stories:
http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=121679

Right now I'm making book two

[Cloukora]

Thank you joon and poke :D

And I'm not gonna continue mine, exactly. Mine wasn't totally original, only the characters Cloukora and Sakairith (and their weapons) were mine. However, the two are from a book series I'm writing, and I'm still in the process of writing that, so. I am gonna do a zombie side story at some point in the series though `:P

[joon61]

Cool. I will be sure to read them.

[Naruto321]

Alright guys I'm gonna close this thread.

If you have any questions, go to the question about the contest thread.

*THREAD CLOSED*