11-19-2011, 12:35 PM
I'm back to writing! Or rather posting my works on here. I am also aware that I spelled Labyrinth wrong in the title. If someone could fix that please......?
So my newest story is called Into the Labyrinth.
A labyrinth full of monsters has always existed under the grand city of Port Tariin. The beasts, locked inside by a powerful artifact called the Moonstone, have been released into the streets and the Moonstone missing. Lisserah Anzwey, the main reason for the pandemonium, is sent into the Labyrinth to discover the reason behind the sudden attacks on Port Tariin.
Prologue:The Ballad of the Dead (http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=5692659&postcount=2)
Digging Too Deep (http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=101326)
35 Tickets (http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showthread.php?t=101508)
I am aware that it's not that great but I would still like the commentary and constructive criticism nonetheless.
11-19-2011, 12:35 PM
Prologue: The Ballad of the Dead
Dark, slime covered walls stretched on for miles, the end seeming like nothing but a black void that sucked in even the slightest ray of light. Low moans resounded through the stone corridor and the ever present smell of death filled the large network of twisting tunnels, dead ends, and rooms full of creatures of the dark. A cold wind blew through occasionally creating a whining sound that added to the eeriness of the Labyrinth.
Inside its walls, the Labyrinth housed things that one could only imagine. While the restless spirits of the dead ruled, the lesser creatures fought and devoured each other in an eternal game of survival. Other creatures, such as the Lynch made their home here and rarely engaged themselves in anything other than their personal lives.
Even in the pandemonium that was the Labyrinth, there was still balance. A magical artifact called the Moonstone created a barrier around any exit, entrapping its prisoners as well as eradicating any magical abilities they may posses. However, the Moonstone has disappeared, and the havoc has only begun. Due to the fact that their barrier is missing, the demonic creatures of the Labyrinth have made their way into Layrinth's most prominent city, Port Tariin.
The inside of the temple was brightly lit with a holy glow. The sandstone walls, a soft shade of tan, seemed to radiate an unnatural sense of security and peace. Deep satin curtains hung along the back of the temple, pulled sideways revealing a large stone alter decorated with golden cloth. In the center of the alter sat a large clear orb, thick white smoke swirling inside of it. The walls were bare except for the doors that led to various rooms and wings.
Pacing in front of the alter was the head priest, Carlic, clad in a black, silver, and burgundy robe. His short white hair was beginning to become scarce upon his head. Around his neck he wore a golden circlet engraved with ancient writing.
"This is a crisis!" He cried towards the ceiling. "Why, my lords? Why have you allowed this to prevail? Have we not served you well enough? I beg you! Help us in this matter! Lords hear my pleas!"
Just as he finished praying, the heavy chestnut doors opened, revealing a slim figure. She was
clad in a simple white leather tunic complimented by a pair of black pants. Her curly brown hair was thrown up into a bun, held together with nothing but a twin pair of sticks. Deep green eyes surveyed the temple curiously as she made her way towards the priest.
"You wanted to see me, Carlic?" The girl asked. Her voice was soft with an eerie calm to it.
"Yes, Lisserah. I thank you for answering the summons. Due to the recent events, the city has been lacking in guards. Captain Lusk had informed me that you were an exceptional fighter, but as you probably know, Captain Lusk is incapacitated for the time being, leaving me in charge of the City Guards." Carlic said and drew a wrapped bundle from the floor beside the alter. "He has instructed me to admit you to the City Guards if you so choose."
"In these times of chaos, I don't think I have much of a choice." Lisserah said and knelt on the floor before him.
"Very well. Your ceremony will have to wait, but you duties will start now. Take this sword." Carlic said as he held the wrapped bundle before her.
Without hesitation, Lisserah took the bundle and unwrapped the fine blade. It was a sturdy sword with a wide blade and a firm hilt, noting special but it would suffice for the time being. She retrieved the leather sheath it had come from and slid the sword back inside once she buckled it around her waist.
"Welcome to the City Guards, Lisserah Anzwey." Carlic said as Lisserah rose. "On to normal matters, how is your mother doing?"
Lisserah sighed and looked at Carlic. "She's not doing so well. The doctor says she does not have long. As each day passes, the Ballad of the Dead plays more and more inside her head. She's begun to sing it now."
'That is grim news. At least she will soon be in the protection of the gods." Carlic sighed as he placed a hand on her shoulder. "I know this is hard on you. You're not even sixteen yet. What are you going to do for housing?"
"My mother has informed me that a friend of hers will be taking me if something should happen." Lisserah said with a tightness to her voice.
"Well I'll be praying for you, and your mother." The priest said before kneeling down before the alter.
Lisserah, knowing better than to interrupt a priest in prayer, turned and made her way to the door. The city outside was its usual. Merchants called to passing people, women shopped for dinner and examined fine jewelry, most of which they couldn't afford. Men worked on various tasks such as repairing old buildings or building new ones, and children played through the street.
"Lisserah! Come try my new bread!" Selina, the best baker in all of Tariin, called from her cart.
Lisserah, having missed out on breakfast, decided to try it. She wove through the crowd of people until she was finally at the small stand. Baskets full of delicious smelling breads and pastries filled the cart to the point where it looked as if it was going to overflow at any moment.
"How has your mother been? I haven't been able to see her in so long."
Selina was a short plump woman with thick black hair and eyes as blue as the sea. Most people usually judged her as a strict and harsh woman, but Selina was just the opposite.
"She hasn't been doing too well. She's begun to sing the Ballad of the Dead."
Selina's face darkened. "I suppose the inevitable can't be stopped. I'm sorry to hear this. You're mother was always such a kind hearted person. If it weren't for your father…Nevermind that. Come, try the bread."
Selina broke off a small piece of a pale dough-like substance. "It's called Dough Bread."
Lisserah took a small bite and nodded. "Its not bad, though the name's a bit…unoriginal."
"What it is called matters not. What matters is if it tastes good." Selina countered and smiled. "I hear you were appointed as a City Guard."
"The word spreads that quickly?" Lisserah asked. She never engaged herself in gossip so naturally she was astonished by the fact people found out so quickly.
"You'd be amazed and what these old ears hear." Selina laughed. "Its getting late. You should get home to your mother. She needs you by her side you know."
Lisserah nodded and ran towards her home.
The trees in the nearby forest displayed their beautiful fall splendor, blowing lightly in the crisp breeze. The dirt road before her stretched on for miles, wore down by the constant traveling merchants and people looking for a way across the ocean. The rolling foothills of the Layrithian Mountains were dotted with small farms and homes. One home in particular belonged to Lisserah and her mother.
It was noting grand, just a small sturdy built wooden cottage with a thatched roof. A small flower garden sat beneath one window, its contents now nothing but withered roses and weeds. Morgan, Lisserah's mother, always weeded and kept the garden looking as best as she could. To see her mother's most prized roses as nothing but a mass of death was heart breaking.
In the main room there was a small table, a few chairs, and a bookshelf that held all of her mother's adventures from when she was younger. The doorway into the small stone kitchen was opened and a low humming sound came from inside. Morgan stood in front of the window, leaning limply against the wall. Her long grey hair fell around her like waterfall of curls.
"It s about the time of the Harvest Festival, but because of recent events, Tariin's Ruling Council is discussing weather here will be a Harvest Festival or not." Morgan sighed. "I would have loved to attended at least one more before the Lords take me to the Plains."
Lisserah was silent at this. She had no way to respond to this and nor did she have the heart to think of a response.
"Child, I know this grieves you, but my time has come, as will yours one day. I will rejoin with your father once I've left this place. Bring me a book. The one bound in green leaves and a golden lock."
Lisserah ambled into the living room and began to scour the large wooden shelf for the book her mother described. It was resting on the top shelf, the gold lock shimmering in the light. Ever so carefully she retrieved the book and carried it back into the kitchen.
"In this book are the accounts of the adventure that brought your father and I together. I'm sorry I could not tell you this myself but everything you need to know is in this book…"
Morgan suddenly gasped for air and collapsed. Lisserah dropped the book and ran to her mother whose life was beginning to leave her. "Listen to me….Liss. Read that book. You have the right to know who you are, but be forewarned…form this moment onward, you're life will be in grave danger. I am no longer able to protect you."
"Mother what are you taking about?" Lisserah asked, her voice breaking.
"You…will see." Morgan smiled one last time. "I love you, Lisserah."
Her body fell limp in her daughter's arms and her eyes rolled back, the color all but faded from them. Lisserah's whole body began to tremble as hot tears spilled over her checks, dropping onto the pale face of her mother. The sky outside darkened with clouds as thunder shook the earth below. Rain poured from the sky as if it was hail, flooding the ground below it. A warm glow filled the room as Morgan's body began to disappear in flecks of dust that flew towards the sky. Lisserah, having never seen someone die, could only think that this was a normal occurrence. Once her mother's body was gone, Lisserah retrieved the book from its spot on the floor and ran to her room, locking the door behind her.
Deep within the Labyrinth, a single figure moved with deadly grace. The leather clad figure did not make a sound as it moved. He seemed to blend in with the shadows, becoming nearly invisible in the dimly lit corridor. His destination was the large door before him, guarded by two skeleton warriors. They stood tall and erect, not a single bone of their bodies moved.
"His Majesty is waiting for you inside." One of them finally spoke as the large metal doors opened.
The room before him was no brighter than the rest of the Labyrinth, but it certainly smelled better. The walls were made of a thick marble-like substance with bits of a red martial snaking through the colored veins. In the back sat a grade throne, carved from blackened stone. It rose nearly fifteen feet above the creature it held, King Armax, King of Dead.
"My Lord." The figure bowed low, blood red hair falling around him.
"Ah Creon." The deep voice echoed through out the room with a feeling of authority. "I have a task for you."
"What would you have me do, My Lord?" The Creon asked as he lifted his head. Glossy silver eyes shone underneath the mess of thin red hair.
"Lisserah Anzwey must be assassinated." King Armax replied. "This task is of the utmost importance. We cannot proceed if this human child remains alive."
"It will be done, My King." Creon said with a devilish smirk.
"I warn you, Creon. If this child knows what she is, you should fear the worst." Armax said. "You have your orders. You are dismissed."
11-20-2011, 04:16 AM
Yay! You're writing again!
I love this. Its soo good. As expected of Rizzy P:
11-20-2011, 04:19 AM
I'm glad you like it, Aaliya.
11-20-2011, 04:19 AM
Now hurry up and write more!
11-20-2011, 04:40 PM
I'm hurrying, Child. Don't rush me! ;~;
11-20-2011, 04:46 PM
I'll cry if you don't post the next chapter tonight!
11-20-2011, 04:49 PM
I guess this would be a bad time to mention that I'm completely rewriting it....
11-20-2011, 05:00 PM
Rizzy, to get a good writing going on, you gotta plan things out beforehand! =]
11-20-2011, 05:01 PM
Rizzy, to get a good writing going on, you gotta plan things out beforehand! =]
<_< When I plan....I never finish it.
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