Death's Child

[girl in the corner]

Okay, so I'm writing a new story. Post your opinions please, and don't make them to negative please, I'm a 12 year old girl who already has low-self-esteem. I don't need you drowning me misery and sadness.

Prologue; The Beginning to an End (http://naruto.viz.com/forum/showpost.php?p=5692492&postcount=3)

[girl in the corner]

Prolouge; The Beginning to an End

She stumbled through the streets, looking for someone, anyone, who could help her. She was being followed by Death herself. Death wasn't following the woman for her unborn daughter, but for her, the mother. She had begged Death to spare her daughter's soul and take hers instead. Death agreed on one condition, that she could mark the child as her own.
Finally, the soon-to-be mother saw a tall man silhouetted from the street lamps ahead of her. She gave out a scream of pain, clutching her stomach. The man spun around, saw her, and ran towards her. He led her off the road and helped her give birth.
The now mother lived long enough to see her daughter. To see Death kiss the child's closed right eye and two swirls facing away from each other swirl out from the outer corner of her eye. The mother gave out a soft sob s death pulled her soul from her skin, no, ripped it from her heart.
But Death didn't mention something. Something that would change little Annabel's life forever, at the stroke of Midnight of her 13th birthday

[sakura_blossom]

Not bad, but it could be a bit more descriptive. It feels a bit fast paced. Other than that this seems like it could be a very interesting story.

[girl in the corner]

Not bad, but it could be a bit more descriptive. It feels a bit fast paced. Other than that this seems like it could be a very interesting story.
thanks, I'll try harder, plus the whole book is about Annabel, starting at Midnight on her 13th birthday, and trust me, it will go slower

[sakura_blossom]

thanks, I'll try harder, plus the whole book is about Annabel, starting at Midnight on her 13th birthday, and trust me, it will go slower

You're welcome. (:

Just ask if you need any help with anything. I write my own stories so I might be of help.

[girl in the corner]

You're welcome. (:

Just ask if you need any help with anything. I write my own stories so I might be of help.
ok, thanks again ~hugs~

[sakura_blossom]

ok, thanks again ~hugs~

/hugs

You're welcome (:

You should also check out my stories sometimes P:

[girl in the corner]

It would help if I got some titles :/

[loganace]

Cool story. Are you going to post more of it?

[girl in the corner]

Yeah, I'm getting side tracked and stuff...I'll try to work on it

[Azal]

Good story. It looks like your suffering my syndrome, where it seems way to fast paced :lol:

Besides that, it seems really interesting

[girl in the corner]

Good story. It looks like your suffering my syndrome, where it seems way to fast paced :lol:

Besides that, it seems really interesting
It'll slow down

[loganace]

Yeah, I'm getting side tracked and stuff...I'll try to work on it
OK! I really like it. It makes sence the introdution is fast paced, it is more supposed to get you interested in the story. Not to sit down and read for an hour and a half. So I say it is good rather than bad that it is fast paced right there.

[girl in the corner]

OK! I really like it. It makes sence the introdution is fast paced, it is more supposed to get you interested in the story. Not to sit down and read for an hour and a half. So I say it is good rather than bad that it is fast paced right there.
Thanks! Yeah, like the cliff hanger I left at the end of the intro

[loganace]

So do I.:D